Sunderland
Wanderer
- Feb 9, 2025
- 51
This isn't as much of a discussion as it is a scream into a void. Hardly a scream really, I lack the energy (or will) to scream any longer. I remember since I was young I've felt this way. Most people my age growing up didn't get it. They had simple lives, lack of a struggle, maybe that's why they find it so easy to move forward in life. I never quite had that. Since I can remember it was a fight, y'know? I'm tired of fighting, not in the "I'm ready to do it" kind of way, but in a "I'm tired boss" way.
I've been thinking about my mistakes quite frequently. I've given up on attempts since my last. Nothing ever seemed to work. Pills, razors, chemicals, hell I've gone 70/hr through three trees and all I got was a couple bruises. It's quite fitting really, I fucked up a lot in my life and even my attempts I've fucked up. Social suicide was a success though, I'm alone now and quite frankly I feel as though I'm at peace. I've got no one expecting anything from me, I've got no eyes on me. One would find it sad, having no one in their life to care for them, I don't really mind. Lonliness has followed me my whole life. I've been a drifter in every friend group I've ever been in, and as soon as I find my next one I'll only be passing through warming myself in the fire of their spirit.
I have to keep moving forward though, to be stagnant is to die, but it's not the blissful dark I once dreamed of. To stop is to lie in the cold, toiling until my clock runs dry. I cant sit idly by as the clock ticks, I need to find something to push myself forward. I may not have any passions, but I can't roll over and wait it out.
I'm tired now, I'll let my train of though derail again later. This won't be my last post here. I warmed myself by this fire maybe a decade back, I'll be here to warm myself once again. Who knows, maybe I'll get comfortable enough to take my jacket off.
Until I may ramble again,
>>-VODKA-<<
I've been thinking about my mistakes quite frequently. I've given up on attempts since my last. Nothing ever seemed to work. Pills, razors, chemicals, hell I've gone 70/hr through three trees and all I got was a couple bruises. It's quite fitting really, I fucked up a lot in my life and even my attempts I've fucked up. Social suicide was a success though, I'm alone now and quite frankly I feel as though I'm at peace. I've got no one expecting anything from me, I've got no eyes on me. One would find it sad, having no one in their life to care for them, I don't really mind. Lonliness has followed me my whole life. I've been a drifter in every friend group I've ever been in, and as soon as I find my next one I'll only be passing through warming myself in the fire of their spirit.
I have to keep moving forward though, to be stagnant is to die, but it's not the blissful dark I once dreamed of. To stop is to lie in the cold, toiling until my clock runs dry. I cant sit idly by as the clock ticks, I need to find something to push myself forward. I may not have any passions, but I can't roll over and wait it out.
I'm tired now, I'll let my train of though derail again later. This won't be my last post here. I warmed myself by this fire maybe a decade back, I'll be here to warm myself once again. Who knows, maybe I'll get comfortable enough to take my jacket off.
Until I may ramble again,
>>-VODKA-<<
