How can I stop thinking of suicide as the solution

[yummers]

I've dealt with suicidal thoughts for a long time but it's never gotten worse than it is right now. The thing is my reasons seem like things the average person has to go through anyways , general hardships , love life , and family issues. Normally the thoughts I have arise at night when im isolated and im less likely to harm myself. As of recently these thoughts have started to intrude into my day to day life. Yesterday I was driving across a bridge and I told myself I would come back pull jump off if things got any worse. It feels weird saying I'm not in control of these thoughts but the truth is I don't want to die. I just want to find happiness even though I know that's unlikely. I'm worried that if things get worse I'll probably have an impulsive moment at some point when it's convenient and that'll be the end. I want to stop jumping to the conclusion that suicide is the solution for problems.

Any tips?

 

[LastNite]

You've tried therapy before? I'd give it a try if not. It doesn't work for all, but it sort of worked out for me. I was suicidal and set on trying to kill myself again after getting out of the psych ward. I got assigned a really good therapist, she helped me feel some hope for my feature. My mindset changed a bit, I'm obviously not cured of it. The thought comes to mind, but I dont have any plan to act on it like I did before. Maybe this is redundant advice, but that's what I can think of. Nothing else comes to mind, sorry.

 

[yummers]

I've never tried therapy I know that should be something I consider but I do NOT want to be put in a ward and I'm afraid if I explain my problems that's what will happen. I'm really glad to hear you are improving and your advice is not redundant :)

 

[LastNite]

I've never tried therapy I know that should be something I consider but I do NOT want to be put in a ward and I'm afraid if I explain my problems that's what will happen. I'm really glad to hear you are improving and your advice is not redundant :)

You won't be put in a psych ward unless you show active intent to harm yourself or others. They explain that to you when you first come in. Things such as, "I'm killing myself in a week," "I have drugs to OD on," or "I might kill myself soon with ___" will most likely result in you being put in a psych ward. I never got put in a psych ward by just telling her that I felt suicidal. I was in the ward because I tried to kill myself and failed before the whole therapy thing.

He or she will do a risk assessment. They'll try to figure out if you have the means to commit suicide, that means you have a plan set up. The resources ready to act on the plan, and a date to go through with it. Not every therapist would be eager to put you in a psych ward, that's not their job. I hope you give it a try. You shouldn't be alone with your thoughts. The more you keep up with these thoughts, the deeper the hole gets.

Apart of the reason why I tried to kill myself before is that I let it all build up. Problem after problem, the idea that suicide was my only way out got engraved in me. If they didn't force me to get help, I would most likely still be like that or dead.

It's your choice, I hope whatever you decide on goes the way you want it to <3.

 

[StarryEyed]

I've dealt with suicidal thoughts for a long time but it's never gotten worse than it is right now. The thing is my reasons seem like things the average person has to go through anyways , general hardships , love life , and family issues. Normally the thoughts I have arise at night when im isolated and im less likely to harm myself. As of recently these thoughts have started to intrude into my day to day life. Yesterday I was driving across a bridge and I told myself I would come back pull jump off if things got any worse. It feels weird saying I'm not in control of these thoughts but the truth is I don't want to die. I just want to find happiness even though I know that's unlikely. I'm worried that if things get worse I'll probably have an impulsive moment at some point when it's convenient and that'll be the end. I want to stop jumping to the conclusion that suicide is the solution for problems.

Any tips?

Hi and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're struggling so much with suicidal thoughts. I do too. You're in the right place.

At some point I was like you describe here, where suicide became a solution to everything and then I realised it really *is* the solution to everything. There's nothing left on your to-do list. No problems of any sort to deal with. No difficult people to deal with. No difficult thoughts or feelings. No worries in the present or future. It's really a miracle how death solves everything. But of course the side effect is you are dead.

So I think of death as one option. Then I think of all my other options, knowing that whatever I'm looking at will require different solutions and work. And when I'm overwhelmed and exhausted, work is daunting, so suicide is very tempting. So if I can't work on the problem, I rest. So when tired, learn options to rest, not quit. That often dampens my suicidal thinking.

Something else you might want to consider is perhaps you're having a psychiatric situation of 'intrusive thoughts', which is easily helped with meds. Therapy can also help with intrusive thoughts.

I've done a ton of therapy that has kept me afloat. We're fortunate to live in a time of so many therapies.

I hope something I've said helps. Sending you peace

 

[angelblood]

I sorta agree with the other replies. Maybe research different kinds of therapy and find someone that specializes in a type u think might help you.

Idk if it's the same problem, but sometimes the compulsion to think of suicide comes from the mind trying to avoid intense emotions. It's like instead of processing feelings the mind wants to turn them off by killing itself. But it just makes them go unresolved so they repeat constantly.

The thing you said about the thoughts being worse at night might be because there's no distractions to drown out the thoughts when you're trying to sleep. You might wanna look into things like sleep hygiene (check the links in the recovery section of this site), or taking a supplement like melatonin so you can fall asleep before the thoughts get really bad. (disclaimer: I'm not a doctor or an expert. I'm just a suicidal person with an internet connection)

Sorry if none of that was helpful. I hope you can feel better soon.

 

[slapntickle]

Your situation seems very similar to mine (ie more like intrusive thoughts of suicide rather than any concrete plans) but recently it has been getting a lot worse in terms of concrete plans, setting dates, getting personal affairs in order etc.

I did try therapy, and I think it helped just because I actually told another human being about it. I find telling friends or family incredibly hard, mainly because it's such a burden for other people to bear, and also because if I end up doing it, the people I told may feel guilty for not doing more to help me. However, there are limits as to what you can tell a therapist. If your call then in a panic because you've prepared your SN protocol and you're scared you're going to drink it, I think they have some kind of legal obligation to call the men in white coats to take you away to prevent you from harming yourself.

That said, I'm sure there's a type of therapy that works. A friend said he did 7 years of therapy that took him from very suicidal to absolutely clean forever. That was 3 times a week almost constantly. Huge amounts of time and work put in, but he is totally healed, and has the tools at his disposal to fight and win the battle.