Venting How can I recover if my family still lies to me about me being raped

[CuriousAboutThis]

I'm not interested in doing any of the bad things I did in the past but I'm just wondering what can I do to recover while knowing I'm being lied to about me being raped and that I almost killed my rapist and myself in the past I texted my mom, dad and older brother about what have happened to me I know they're lying despite the fact I don't have any evidence of them lying if I was to die today I bet they still wouldn't tell themselves the truth fuck family sometimes.

Don't worry folks I'm not gonna kill myself don't have the means to end it but sometimes I have the desire but right now I have the will to live.

 

[rest2love]

Please try to get out at all costs. The only way is to get out and get away. They are your enemies (possibly, this is just a short post, but it seems like they are from your post)

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Are there social services where you live? Many have supports for victims or rape, sexual violence, and crime. These often include financial support, legal support, and psychological support depending on what you need most right now.

If your family aren't able to support you because of their own ignorance or potential cruelty (which lets face it denying you were raped is effectively a form of gaslighting which doubles down on trauma and is therefore cruel), you will need other supports.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

Yeah, I don't know what to do I find it difficult to trust people, but I know what I did was wrong trying to kill my rapist and also trying to kill myself in the past because of it and then when times have passed mind you the legal consequences have passed, and I'm not interested in redoing the same murderous attempts on my rapist or take my own life despite that would be preferred sometimes again not going to do it, but if I was to be murdered or take my own life I would only want that if that would get back to the family I used to love and trust and unfortunately I'm not in the position to take my own life on the terms I would want l, so I can just live for myself since I know the people who got me raped was AMH only using her initials for she was a childhood sweetheart who got me raped by a police officer in a police station and the police officers who watched me get raped didn't do a damn thing to prevent it so leading up to all my previous suicides attempts and also along the way I almost tried killing the people responsible I know I'm adding so much detail to my unfortunate reality yes I confess the fact that I almost killed myself and the ones responsible but again the legal consequences have passed.

So all I can do is live for myself and type out my reality regardless if it ripped my life apart or whether people believe or not and since to be fair I don't have the empirical evidence of what they did to me but I'm not stupid I know what happened. I would like to forgive and love AMH, but maybe my idealism is naive and I should just be bitter and hate the people who lie to me and hate the people responsible for my rape, even if it means hating the ones I used to love and trust fuck family and friends and even my childhood sweetheart. In defense of even the ones who got me raped which is AMH and those fucking police officers sure they didn't deserve to die, which they didn't, but I did try to stand up for myself even if it meant doing the wrong things morally. Fuck family, friends, and the ones who hurt me I hope they live a good life just so it can end horribly. Fuck'em.