Help How can I help friends/family with my passing after I'm gone?

[nzdarkshark]

I've seen a post similar to this but wanted to ask anyway.

I'm young, and don't think I can write a will without my parents getting involved since I live under their roof and cannot move out due to low income from my part-time job.

I've started to make a list of where my possessions will go, is there anything else I *can* do? I don't think I'll have enough money to pre-pay for a funeral (would it be suspisious for me to do this anyway?) - but I want to make it as easy as possible for my family/friends after I'm gone.

 

[Subhuman]

I decluttered my living space majorly a few years back. I donated everything I won't be needing any more and now everything I own can be easily thrown into boxes (it's stored and sorted by category) for trash, donation or keeping, whatever my family decides. Because my parents have zero respect and zero boundaries, I packed up everything that I want to give my (very few) friends and I'll go ship that myself the day I ctb. To me that's much more practical than making lists. You can also just leave all your cash in an envelope and put it in an obvious place, then your family can use it for your funeral or allocate it to other expenses of their choosing. I do think it would be suspicious if you already arranged and paid for your funeral in advance.

I'm pretty sure that's everything but if I think of something else I'll add to this at a later time. I also wanted to tell you to try not to worry about the red tape stuff such as the will, funeral and bank accounts. Your next of kin will have to deal with a bunch of bureaucracy regardless of how meticulously you planned everything. You don't have to feel guilty about adding a couple more formalities on top of that. Not to mention some families find relief in planning the funeral because it gives them something to focus on after the tragedy, sometimes it even feels like they're doing one last nice thing for their loved one who passed away.

 

[nzdarkshark]

I decluttered my living space majorly a few years back. I donated everything I won't be needing any more and now everything I own can be easily thrown into boxes (it's stored and sorted by category) for trash, donation or keeping, whatever my family decides. Because my parents have zero respect and zero boundaries, I packed up everything that I want to give my (very few) friends and I'll go ship that myself the day I ctb. To me that's much more practical than making lists. You can also just leave all your cash in an envelope and put it in an obvious place, then your family can use it for your funeral or allocate it to other expenses of their choosing. I do think it would be suspicious if you already arranged and paid for your funeral in advance.

I'm pretty sure that's everything but if I think of something else I'll add to this at a later time. I also wanted to tell you to try not to worry about the red tape stuff such as the will, funeral and bank accounts. Your next of kin will have to deal with a bunch of bureaucracy regardless of how meticulously you planned everything. You don't have to feel guilty about adding a couple more formalities on top of that. Not to mention some families find relief in planning the funeral because it gives them something to focus on after the tragedy, sometimes it even feels like they're doing one last nice thing for their loved one who passed away.

Thank you for replying. I thought about doing a clear out too and I have been slowly going through my things over the last month. I just worry if I start selling/giving away my things my parents will get suspisious - they already are on constant alert since I tried to ctb last year. Not all my friends are trustworthy with knowing my plans as only 2 of my friends are pro-choice. I'm lucky that these two friends are my closest friends. One of them offered to help sort my stuff out after, but I don't want to hurt them more than I already I am. I could give them the list I guess haha.

 

[JimFord99]

very good points of you two. I have not even thought of that, I need to sort my stuff as well. Thanks for sharing this.

 

[Subhuman]

Thank you for replying. I thought about doing a clear out too and I have been slowly going through my things over the last month. I just worry if I start selling/giving away my things my parents will get suspisious - they already are on constant alert since I tried to ctb last year. Not all my friends are trustworthy with knowing my plans as only 2 of my friends are pro-choice. I'm lucky that these two friends are my closest friends. One of them offered to help sort my stuff out after, but I don't want to hurt them more than I already I am. I could give them the list I guess haha.

If your family knows about your mental state it would definitely be suspicious if you suddenly started getting rid of your stuff... Unless you have a good excuse for it or if you're good at faking positive emotions. It's ok to leave your stuff there. Really, don't worry. You sound very considerate, I'm sure you've done everything you could to make sure they're not overwhelmed after your passing. Relax. There's only so much we can do. It's ok.

very good points of you two. I have not even thought of that, I need to sort my stuff as well. Thanks for sharing this.

Like I said to Shark make sure you're not overdoing it so that no one gets suspicious. And good luck!

 

[Bukmeikara1]

Have you ask yourself why you wanna help them?

 

[nzdarkshark]

Have you ask yourself why you wanna help them?

I love them. They've done so much for me and it hurts me to know I have to leave them. I'm not meant for this world - I know that deep down and that furled my desision. My family and friends, for the most part, are good people - at least to me.

 

[Subhuman]

Thank you for replying. I thought about doing a clear out too and I have been slowly going through my things over the last month. I just worry if I start selling/giving away my things my parents will get suspisious - they already are on constant alert since I tried to ctb last year. Not all my friends are trustworthy with knowing my plans as only 2 of my friends are pro-choice. I'm lucky that these two friends are my closest friends. One of them offered to help sort my stuff out after, but I don't want to hurt them more than I already I am. I could give them the list I guess haha.

If your family knows about your mental states it would definitely be suspicious if you suddenly started getting rid of your stuff... Unless you have a good excuse for it or if you're good at faking positive emotions. It's ok to leave your stuff there. Really, don't worry. You sound very considerate, I'm sure you've done everything you could think of to make sure they're not overwhelmed after your passing. Relax. There's only so much we can do. It's ok.

very good points of you two. I have not even thought of that, I need to sort my stuff as well. Thanks for sharing this.

Like I said to Shark make sure you're not overdoing it so that no one gets suspicious. Good luck!

 

[Bukmeikara1]

I love them. They've done so much for me and it hurts me to know I have to leave them. I'm not meant for this world - I know that deep down and that furled my desision. My family and friends, for the most part, are good people - at least to me.

Which part of you loves them? The one that wants to die and commit suicide? Or some other part that probably wants to live? From what I gather, you are young .. at most being 19. If you have that many friends, I assume you are also healthy. At your age, likely you have not seen the whole picture to be in this spot thinking about suicide!

Consider this, do you wanna really DIE and not exist in this form or do you just wanna change your current reality? Things to be different? A lot of us want the later but being unable to change that we choose death as an "easy" way out to just give out control. If you really love your parents, ask yourself this questions and if possible try to climb out of depression. I assure you, for them won't make any difference if you leave even 10 000$ behind, they wont say "Our dear son died, it's sad but at least he left us some money?"

I am not trying to be mean here or to be some great "adult" figure. I want to shake you a bit to get out of this poetic state thinking that your suicide would be some beautiful tragedy. It will not. You have the right to take your own life but nothing would ever justified it to your closest people. Just don't do it, its an empty effort. The only thing that you own them is to make a SANE choice and go for it. Because if you are stuck between thoughts about Life and Death, you are probably in the worst possible position

 

[nzdarkshark]

Which part of you loves them? The one that wants to die and commit suicide? Or some other part that probably wants to live? From what I gather, you are young .. at most being 19. If you have that many friends, I assume you are also healthy. At your age, likely you have not seen the whole picture to be in this spot thinking about suicide!

Consider this, do you wanna really DIE and not exist in this form or do you just wanna change your current reality? Things to be different? A lot of us want the later but being unable to change that we choose death as an "easy" way out to just give out control. If you really love your parents, ask yourself this questions and if possible try to climb out of depression. I assure you, for them won't make any difference if you leave even 10 000$ behind, they wont say "Our dear son died, it's sad but at least he left us some money?"

I am not trying to be mean here or to be some great "adult" figure. I want to shake you a bit to get out of this poetic state thinking that your suicide would be some beautiful tragedy. It will not. You have the right to take your own life but nothing would ever justified it to your closest people. Just don't do it, its an empty effort. The only thing that you own them is to make a SANE choice and go for it. Because if you are stuck between thoughts about Life and Death, you are probably in the worst possible position

I want to die. The longer I live the more I realise this. The world has gone to shit, and will continue to do so. Sure some good stuff has happened but I can see the world falling. I'm not equipped with the nessisary things needed in this world - I'm intelligent but have been cursed with mental problems that inhibit me acting like a normal human being. I cannot comprehend how to be an adult and don't want to live the life that has been set up for me by the universe - whether you believe in higher powers or not. The things I used to dream of are just not feasible. I hate my body, I hate my personality. I hate my brain. I have little disregard for my safety to the point where only survival instinct and empathy stop me from cutting my arms raw or walking in front of a car.
I don't want to justify my death to my family. I know my desision is made and I find peace in it. It's just the empathy - the stupid emotional connection to other people - it makes me feel guilt for hurting them. Because they are good people, and I am not.