Help How can I better cope with the weight of the choices I’ve made in the past?

[Defatigatis]

Every day I'm tormented by the choices I made in the past that turned out not to be the best ones about a year later. I know that's what made sense to me at the time—I was a different person back then and all that—but even so, I suffer a lot because of it.
Every day—I repeat, *every day*—I think about the choice I could have made that I now consider the "right" one. Several times throughout the day, I catch myself thinking that I shouldn't have done it the way I did, that I should have thought more, reasoned more, researched more, and so on.
And I can't go back; I can't undo what's been done in any way.

Can someone please give me some advice on how to deal with all of this? It's a burden I carry every day, and it hurts so much...

 

[.idiot]

What choices do you currently have at your disposal in the present? Hyperfocusing on them could take your mind off the past.

 

[Defatigatis]

What choices do you currently have at your disposal in the present? Hyperfocusing on them could take your mind off the past.

Well, practically none... I think that's why I think about the past so much.

 

[.idiot]

Well, practically none... I think that's why I think about the past so much.

Then you need to set goals for yourself to take your mind off it. Do you exercise? Specifically running. It does not cost any money to go outside and run and is something that can be started at any time with minimal investment. For now, how about trying to work towards being able to run 2km?


Are you currently employed or on welfare? Having a source of income opens up a lot of chances to have stuff to work towards, like taking driving lessons for a license.

 

[tipoftheRGB]

Every day I'm tormented by the choices I made in the past that turned out not to be the best ones about a year later. I know that's what made sense to me at the time—I was a different person back then and all that—but even so, I suffer a lot because of it.
Every day—I repeat, *every day*—I think about the choice I could have made that I now consider the "right" one. Several times throughout the day, I catch myself thinking that I shouldn't have done it the way I did, that I should have thought more, reasoned more, researched more, and so on.
And I can't go back; I can't undo what's been done in any way.

Can someone please give me some advice on how to deal with all of this? It's a burden I carry every day, and it hurts so much...

I've been in this exact situation before. Sounds like you are ruminating. It sounds obvious but I will say it anyway: the past doesn't exist anymore. It's gone. It's not coming back. The only thing you have is the present. And if you continue to think about your past mistakes, you will lose years of your life and you will make your future much worse. There is going to be a point in the future where you wish you could be you right now. Future you wants to be you right now, not you from before now. You have to let go of the past. It's gone. It doesn't exist. You only have the present.

Don't self isolate, get out as much as you can. Be around other people as much as you can. Even if you feel ashamed or you want to be alone, be around other people anyway. Force yourself to be around other people. You need to have such a busy life that you are out of your head and in the world. I recommend integrative psychodynamic therapy if that is possible for you because sometimes it can help you process something you are stuck on.

 

[ashytiger]

The past doesn't exist anymore and we will all disappear anyway, life has no meaning, more than 100 billion people have already been born and died on this earth. In 100 years none of this will matter. Everything is an illusion, a drop of water in an ocean from the point of view of eternity.