how bad do you want to ctb? what’s keeping you from doing it?

[hi-okbye]

^

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Every cell in my body wants to CTB. The only thing stopping me is me. Funny how that works out.

 

[casual_existence]

I was ready today. I really didn't want to celebrate Christmas or anything like that so I drove somewhere and got ready but all of a sudden my mind generated images of being disabled or worse and considering how dark it is I also started to imagine terrifying imagery. My mind is straight up fighting me to kill myself.

 

[tvoisluga]

4/10 rn because i dont have the privacy to do it alone and not be found after several hours. i have a chance only 1-2 times per year. if im gonna attempt i gotta do i right or my crazy family will institutionalize me and make life even more unbearable.

 

[Sleeper System]

Thinking about having to go to work not just tomorrow but every day for the rest of my adult life makes me want to die immediately. I'm just so tired and angry all the time. I want to be done with this meaningless bullshit.

 

[koro]

Literally repeating the same day over and over again, no happiness, just boredom, hatred, loneliness and all that.
Guess I can speak for multiple people when I say what's stopping me from ctb is SI.

 

[Celerity]

4/10 I have longed to CTB for years. The usual bullshit holds me back - family would be sad, fear, inertia, some tiny hope for the future, etc.

 

[Gonnerr]

I go from 90 to 99.9 depending on the day. When i get to 100, ill do it.

We are scared to ctb because, we fear the non existence. We fear death because we are born knowing only life. Most humans are scared of the unknown.

A very bad phobia. And a phobia is an irrational fear. Dont fear death. Lol im also trying to convince myself.

Watch that , start the video at 24:14, Neil is brilliant.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly wish to ctb very much, I always do. No matter what I'll always see it as preferable to cease existing, I only see the peace of eternal non-existence as desirable. Decaying from age in this futile existence where there is unlimited potential for pain and torture certainly doesn't interest me, it only feels rational wishing to cease existing to eternally escape from all future suffering. I'm only still trapped here as suicide is cruelly made so inaccessible, I'd also fear experiencing much worse torment from trying to die going wrong.

 

[Fktw0rld]

I'm just waiting on a date that's been set. Roughly 3 days prior to that date, I'm gone. I've had multiple attempts over the last 30 years but no real precipice, just depression and the loss of interest in living. This time around there's a gun to my head. I'm at the precipice and will have no other choices than succeed or suffer.

 

[FadingDawn]

I wanna die. I've attempted several times in the past. Idk whats keeping me back rn. I guess it's mainly inertia and lack of means and opportunity. I go through phases of being "regularly" depressed -- where days just drag on, I'm miserable, bored, hoping it all ends; but not actively or desperatly suicidal, I just go with the flow because im used to it. So I usually don't plan on ctb during those time, and just reluctantly go on with my (lack of a) life. I had experienced much worse, and for long months on end, to the point of near catatonic depression, and just severe mental anguish which was basically worse than my chronic physical pain,

60-80 rn, abouts;
A lot of the times it's 100/99%

 

[Aim]

Nothing really, other then equipment. But that is on the way

 

[Lacerta viridis]

It's more of a passive feeling ("I sure wish I weren't alive") than an active one ("I really want to end my life"). I have such little motivation to do anything that even suicide seems like something I'll never actually, genuinely want to do.

Maybe that means I'm a faker?

 

[hi-okbye]

It's more of a passive feeling ("I sure wish I weren't alive") than an active one ("I really want to end my life"). I have such little motivation to do anything that even suicide seems like something I'll never actually, genuinely want to do.

Maybe that means I'm a faker?

your not a faker at all. I've had times where i was exactly like this. how you feel isn't "fake" or "impostering". whatever they are your feelings are real and don't let people tell you they're not.

 

[prettycvnt]

Cowardice and lack of resources. My ideal method is SN.

 

[soleil]

Access to whatever needed.

Fear of failing and sent to the psych ward.

Pain and panic, strong SI.

Devastating family to the point it may give them a heart attack.

Being a chicken shit or being too dumb to do it right.

 

[ropearoundatree]

I'm ready!

 

[SMG08ABUSER]

70-80% for me. The only reason I'm still alive is because I still live with my parents. If my parents passed away or if I moved out, CTB would be inevitable.

 

[oddetoad]

Every cell in my body wants to CTB. The only thing stopping me is me. Funny how that works out.

i love this sentence lol.

ugh, the 10% is how fascinated iam with this place and I have to give it that 10% but the rest 90% is how bad this place is.

 

[Sylveon]

I don't have any accessible methods right now or for the foreseeable future; I don't know for how long I will be forced to keep going.

 

[GawrChan]

I really want to ctb and the only thing that stopping me is a friend/lover I already told her that I'd ctb but what's stopping me is that I might make her whole life miserable. We're both depressed and have suicidal thoughts but she healed. And right now it's breaking our relationship because I want to ctb.

 

[SketchedOut]

i honestly don't even want to ctb. my brain just idealizes suicide because of the trauma i've been through and i keep seeing it as my goal, even though life is actually really nice for me at the moment.

 

[until death]

100%

 

[Freimann]

Anywhere between 80% and 100%. I'm tired of being alive, every single day is the same, I miss my partner. I'll never be able to forget him and the wonderful moments we shared. His smile is my life, his happiness is mine, and now he's with another someone.

I haven't ctb yet because I reckon it's something that takes a lot of planning. I have to think of a way to minimize the suffering of my family while also keep in mind I want a close-to-foolproof, painless, instantaneous, silent method. To be fair, I'm just waiting for me to get my gun, then I'll do it. Might as well stream it for you guys.

 

[Endthismisery]

failure and ending up a vegetable i have general bad luck so my chance of it going wrong is very high

 

[Defenestration]

I can't jump right now...this fucking survival instinct

 

[notherenotnow]

The fact that i dont have anythig to overdose on. That I dont have any way to hang myself. That i'm too scared of dying in a more brutal way. Survival insinct. And the list goes on and on.

 

[Going]

If I were to go it would likely be through N2 hypoxia, but I am very afraid of being """rescued""" and left half braindead, because the only N2 cylinder I have reliable access to is at my job.

 

[subhuman metalhead]

Pretty badly after a failed attempt two nights ago but what keeps me from just doing so effectively is my friends and one in particular who after yelling at me over the phone to puke up the Advil on the side of the highway said that he wouldn't abandon me despite having attempted. After what happened, I can't just leave him behind because he makes me feel happier. If you're reading this: Jerrek, I love you and cannot thank you enough and I wish I could say sorry but sometimes sorry isn't enough.

 

[MelancholyGirl]

About 70% but what's keeping me is fear of the unknown/what happens after we die and stupid delusional hope that just maybe things will finally get better.