How at peace are you with fact that you’re gonna depart?

[Mauve87]

I'm both anxious and relieved. It's hard to explain. I'm planning to depart in a few days from now and feeling weird.

The thought of failing makes me extremely nervous.
I go from being confident, to doubting myself every few hours. It's exhausting

 

[sorrowful]

Completely, it's a nice feeling.

 

[turntechGodhead]

very much so i hv come to terms w the nothingness that comes after i do it however i consider it better to not be anywhere then to be somewhere yk??

 

[backtoearth]

I grieve the life I had/what could have been but that won't bring me any peace, if I had access to real medical and psychiatric support then maybe I could attempt recovery again - but I do not have that luxury and I'm just so tired. I have done everything I could to stabilize and cope, created a life I could have loved, but still lost it and failed. Life is just a series of traumas for me, that is the life I have been given and it has been proved to me over and over and over that I cannot make it better on my own.
I still have my sibling's future to sort-out for after I leave (we live in a shitty flat and everything is broken so I want to fix everything up, teach them how to do the bills, fix things when they inevitably break again, and other life things before I CTB). I also still have my notes to write so it still feels like I have things to do for the time being.

I know that this is the way I will go after I have done those things, and I have made peace with that. Not everybody is made for this world and I want to be in control of when I die, I am becoming more psychotic as the weeks pass by and I will not allow myself to hurt anyone else - I do not want to live a life where I am deathly scared of flies and constantly ripping my room apart looking for spy cameras. I can't leave my flat, I push away everyone because I'm scared of [redacted delusional thought], I am terrified everyday and the only thing that helps (weed) makes the paranoia worse and worse but I can't just stop smoking - I am dependant on the stupid shit. Loosing my income has been the final straw, I am now free-loading off of my sibling and they care for me when they aren't working, I now am a stressor rather than the caretaker so I have come to peace with the fact that it is now my time to CTB.

 

[snowlance]

I'm not sure, on one side everyone's going to die and whether that comes sooner or later depends on how my life is. I promised myself I wouldn't let myself struggle anymore for no reason. But at the same time the only thing that would prevent me from ctbing when I'm ready is what's going to happen after. Am I gonna have to suffer more, I don't mind being alive again if I can enjoy myself. I dont want to go to hell or something similar...

 

[isthisit?]

I'm still thinking whether it is time to go or stay here. Overall, it's pretty rough

 

[re2dd]

It will be better for everyone close to me and myself that's what gives me such great peace.

 

[Passersby]

It's inevitable, so I am now at peace with dying after many yrs. I must be whether I like it or not because one things for sure is that we are all going to die. I am not at peace however with the dying process yet because it is still scary and hard but I am a lot closer to being okay with it than ever before.

 

[Quiet_Observer]

When I think about it, its somewhat comforting but scary at the same time. At the current rate which I am living life, i'm almost positive i'm going to commit suicide once I garner the strength to go along with it. It sucks that by doing so ill be admitting that I will never be happy again, but at least I will never be sad ever again. This gives me enough reason to go along with it.

 

[Liamyzzuf]

At this point, I'm okay with living and I'm okay with dying. I guess I'm just detached from the whole thing. Any suffering I experience will push me towards CTB and any joy I feel will push me towards living. Im mostly curious how it's gonna play out. Whichever one comes first I welcome it.

 

[SSamGarrison]

scared ):
i have to go its inevitable but im such a wuss

Same. I know it's what I should do but a part of me just doesn't want to commit to the idea because of all the risks associated, family, mostly just fear. I've been trying to tell myself that I'm gonna die eventually so I might as well get it over with.

 

[Ampsvx123]

Never made the mistake to have children. Let alone enemies or allowed myself to be tainted with the shadows and malices of our world. To be free, carefree as the wind, unbothered like the dead, few can claim so...

 

[su1c1dal-dungeon]

ive made peace with the thought of going on my own terms. life is full of shit you cant control and im someone who needs a shit ton of control. knowing that ctb is an option and that im in control of that action is extremely comforting to me.

 

[sserafim]

I'm at peace with the fact that I'll eventually die. Nothing lasts forever, right? The only constant in life is change. Everything changes over time. Nothing is permanent, not even our existence. It's only temporary and transient, so we should try to make the most of it. We can't expect to live forever, and that's okay. We weren't meant to do so. Life is ephemeral…also, we might as well go on our own terms and be the master of our own fate and destiny. I would rather go out of my own volition rather than the sands of time

Never made the mistake to have children. Let alone enemies or allowed myself to be tainted with the shadows and malices of our world. To be free, carefree as the wind, unbothered like the dead, few can claim so...

Same, I don't want to have children and I refuse to bring life into this world. I hate the fact that people have the urge to procreate. There's so much suffering in the world already…why bring more life into it? Existence is just pain and suffering. I hate having to exist and be alive

 

[zombiegirl]

very much so