How are you really doing? Where on the Emmengard Suicide Scale are you?

[Always-in-trouble]

Might honestly kill myself on Thursday at the earliest if everything goes to plan and I am ready. (Not a reliable method in the slightest and will probably just fail. It's just overdosing from datura purchased from ebay, sent to the post office for me to open and hide in my room, make datura tea and hallucinate near a lake to drown, I just don't want to alert the flat I am in too much and interested in datura anyways. If I do survive, I will just not mention datura and hopefully they will not look further.)

 

[NZkiwi]

Might honestly kill myself on Thursday at the earliest if everything goes to plan and I am ready. (Not a reliable method in the slightest and will probably just fail. It's just overdosing from datura purchased from ebay, sent to the post office for me to open and hide in my room, make datura tea and hallucinate near a lake to drown, I just don't want to alert the flat I am in too much and interested in datura anyways. If I do survive, I will just not mention datura and hopefully they will not look further.)

Myself and others are on the recovery forums if you ever want to engage with us

Wishing you all the best, no matter what choice you make

 

[Always-in-trouble]

It's just that I spiral like this too often, and only use my own rotten, depraved mind to extract what calculations and pleasure I want. I just want it to go away

 

[SnowLeopard21]

I'm a 7 most days. Usually can keep myself from going higher when I pass out from drinking.

 

[Argent]

Today's a 5

 

[deadanddecomposing]

I think I'm at 5, but it's been fluctuating a lot

 

[mmoebread]

i've been at 8 for the past few weeks all i've been able to do recently is just think about how i'm going to ctb

 

[telekon]

3

I can see a future it's just a matter of working towards it.

 

[Cloud Busting]

3

I can see a future it's just a matter of working towards it.

What a beautiful place to be in!

As to where I'm at no clue really. Could I see a future? I'll see a glimpse of a thing I really want, and I'll do it for that vision, but I can't say it's going to materialize. Keeping my hopes up isn't a thing I wish to do. I can just see that glimpse, and know what I need to get it. I can't expect the things I want to become real but the steps I take towards that vision if I follow it will be positive and hopefully will open an even better door if the thing I want doesn't actualize. If it does, well divine intervention.

They say depression is the inability to imagine a future for oneself so who knows where I'm at.

I am at a place where I get a suicidal thought and I think that I don't want to die I just want this experience or this emotion to stop and I've never had that before. It's amazing. Often I just feel trapped. Just gotta stay grounded and lean into the dark side, listen to it, learn from it, but never get so lost in it I'm drowning, like I used to do.

@bagel12 i agree, honestly I like that it's a comic, easier to engage with and focus on and relate to than an assessment that feels like a test or a pass or fail test or a categorization assigner with dire consequences if I fail. But I dislike that it has very specific behaviors, it's kinda annoying. Not sure how id revise it, but the visuals are more griping than the words ngl it's why I can forget thst stuff and use the visual aid

 

[telekon]

What a beautiful place to be in!

Barely. Why does life have to be so hard? I have to blame myself as I lived very indulgently for a long time and now I'm suffering in poverty because of it, but I don't blame myself completely. Because I was suffering with bipolar which isn't my fault.

I have a long list of things I know I can do, things I know can improve my life and get me on my feet, and I just can't move bc I am so hungry. I am lying here on the computer and I don't even want to be on it, I just have nothing better to do.

 

[Cloud Busting]

Barely. Why does life have to be so hard? I have to blame myself as I lived very indulgently for a long time and now I'm suffering in poverty because of it, but I don't blame myself completely. Because I was suffering with bipolar which isn't my fault.

I have a long list of things I know I can do, things I know can improve my life and get me on my feet, and I just can't move bc I am so hungry. I am lying here on the computer and I don't even want to be on it, I just have nothing better to do.

Why blame yourself at all? I also am struggling with poverty and technically it's "my fault" which was a massive hang up that led to self sabotaging behaviors and shame spirals and isolation.

You can hold yourself, others, and institutions accountable without blaming you know.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. I didn't meant to project my experiences onto you. I suppose just living without any purpose or aim or direction, feeling empty, dead and lifeless, kinda made me almost jealous. Haha. Then again what looks amazing always has a flip side.

Hungry? ): are you food insecure?

 

[NZkiwi]

3

I can see a future it's just a matter of working towards it.

thats warming to read

Because I was suffering with bipolar which isn't my fault.

same here

would you mind sharing a bit of your story
what helped
and what didnt help?
was a 9 last week

7 yesterday morning
8 last night, called the crisis line
7 this morning

seems like mornings are okay
nights are worse

baby steps

 

[bagel12]

What a beautiful place to be in!

As to where I'm at no clue really. Could I see a future? I'll see a glimpse of a thing I really want, and I'll do it for that vision, but I can't say it's going to materialize. Keeping my hopes up isn't a thing I wish to do. I can just see that glimpse, and know what I need to get it. I can't expect the things I want to become real but the steps I take towards that vision if I follow it will be positive and hopefully will open an even better door if the thing I want doesn't actualize. If it does, well divine intervention.

They say depression is the inability to imagine a future for oneself so who knows where I'm at.

I am at a place where I get a suicidal thought and I think that I don't want to die I just want this experience or this emotion to stop and I've never had that before. It's amazing. Often I just feel trapped. Just gotta stay grounded and lean into the dark side, listen to it, learn from it, but never get so lost in it I'm drowning, like I used to do.

@bagel12 i agree, honestly I like that it's a comic, easier to engage with and focus on and relate to than an assessment that feels like a test or a pass or fail test or a categorization assigner with dire consequences if I fail. But I dislike that it has very specific behaviors, it's kinda annoying. Not sure how id revise it, but the visuals are more griping than the words ngl it's why I can forget thst stuff and use the visual aid

hi cloud busting, i like the point you made about how taking steps towards something you want is positive and leads to better opportunities in the future, or other positive changes, even if the exact thing you wanted doesn't happen. i also really like the mindset shift you describe here, that when you get the thought to ctb, it just means you want the experience/emotion to stop, not that you truly want to ctb. it sounds like reframing it that way takes away the power/scariness of the thought. i will try this and see if it helps me :) and i agree with you about the comic, the visuals are more intuitive and helpful than the descriptions for me too. anyway i always appreciate your perspectives on recovery and i hope you're doing alright

Barely. Why does life have to be so hard? I have to blame myself as I lived very indulgently for a long time and now I'm suffering in poverty because of it, but I don't blame myself completely. Because I was suffering with bipolar which isn't my fault.

I have a long list of things I know I can do, things I know can improve my life and get me on my feet, and I just can't move bc I am so hungry. I am lying here on the computer and I don't even want to be on it, I just have nothing better to do.

hey telekon! i remember your username, i think we talked a while ago about moving into new apartments and the sims and other stuff. how was the sims game, any other games you've been playing lately? were you able to get a hold of the doctor? i'm sorry that you're so hungry. it is hard to do things when the body doesn't have energy.

try not to blame yourself too much, we live in a fucked up world and anyone with a different brain gets screwed over. i feel like if i lived back in caveman times i would have done better. back then clans/tribes were small, so people actually looked out for each other and watched each other's backs. and it didn't cost money to eat or get shelter... sigh

my positive news is that im back on adhd meds and i think they are helping. they make my negative emotions and boredom less strong so i dont need to distract myself as much as before. and it's easier for me to tear myself away from the internet and do the things i need to do. doing stuff i dont want to do usually feels like im trying to force myself to touch a hot stove burner... painful and nearly impossible. but the meds are making it easier. usually i argue with myself for hours trying to force myself to do stuff, now i argue with myself for 30 minutes and then i do the stuff i need to do. the bad part is the side effects and the comedown

thats warming to read



same here

would you mind sharing a bit of your story
what helped
and what didnt help?
was a 9 last week

7 yesterday morning
8 last night, called the crisis line
7 this morning

seems like mornings are okay
nights are worse

baby steps

i'm sorry to hear that nights are worse for you, nights are worse for me too. i try to distract myself by watching a show or playing a game or something so i cant pay attention to my own thoughts but it doesnt always work. i have a rule for myself im not allowed to make any big decisions at night and this helps me a little too

 

[telekon]

thats warming to read



same here

would you mind sharing a bit of your story
what helped
and what didnt help?
was a 9 last week

7 yesterday morning
8 last night, called the crisis line
7 this morning

seems like mornings are okay
nights are worse

baby steps

I try to implement a wellness strategy that I recommend which is going outside every day, working out every day, eating 3 nice protein-rich meals a day, hygiene and keeping house clean, sleeping 8 hours, doing things for fun, working a job, seeing friends, creative expression, and maybe a prayer or meditation session.

What made me feel better was I started showering again. Most everything else has been out the window. I get sun and play video games, and now trying out more creative stuff like I used to. Applying for jobs. Praying for like 2 mins a day which I think helps a lot. My diet has been non-existent but that's definitely the most important thing so if you have money for groceries you should make a meal plan and stick to it.

I just started taking steps to fix my situation, like financially I'm supposed to be on assistance and they aren't answering me so I went into their office today and apparently they've been screwing me out of this months funds, but the lady was nice and apparently I'll get it tomorrow. Plus I had two interviews which went really well. I think I got both of the jobs (however both wanted my drivers abstract which costs 15$ and I don't have it until tomorrow so ive been ignoring them since last week.. so idk) but things are just moving. Time heals.

I've been playing with AI, like I'm a songwriter and have written compositions but my actual recording and mixing skills are shit. So I thought since I'm already on my last legs I mine as well sell my soul too. Anyways my songs are coming out really nicely and I think I actually have demos I can send to the record labels and now and have them maybe take me seriously for once.

Just gotta keep yourself busy.

hey telekon! i remember your username, i think we talked a while ago about moving into new apartments and the sims and other stuff. how was the sims game, any other games you've been playing lately? were you able to get a hold of the doctor? i'm sorry that you're so hungry. it is hard to do things when the body doesn't have energy.

try not to blame yourself too much, we live in a fucked up world and anyone with a different brain gets screwed over. i feel like if i lived back in caveman times i would have done better. back then clans/tribes were small, so people actually looked out for each other and watched each other's backs. and it didn't cost money to eat or get shelter... sigh

my positive news is that im back on adhd meds and i think they are helping. they make my negative emotions and boredom less strong so i dont need to distract myself as much as before. and it's easier for me to tear myself away from the internet and do the things i need to do. doing stuff i dont want to do usually feels like im trying to force myself to touch a hot stove burner... painful and nearly impossible. but the meds are making it easier. usually i argue with myself for hours trying to force myself to do stuff, now i argue with myself for 30 minutes and then i do the stuff i need to do. the bad part is the side effects and the comedown

hallo. :)

yeah I've been playing the new pokemon-recomp where you play gen 1 in 3D and I gotta say it's pretty wild if anyone played old school Pokemon. There are like 100 people making mods to the original game. It's pretty fun and you can play online with other people. harvest moon for snes kept me busy for a day. I'm so bored of sims now lol that's a game I'll play for 8 days straight without sleep and then not touch it for 5 years.

That's good about the adhd meds. I used to take adderall for fun, kind of wish I had some lol

 

[byec560]

credit to user @Gild-Holm-'Ur for mentioning it on another thread

I guess we are all here cause we are a little suicidal, some want to recover, others want to ctb and everything im between.

Its hard to know how "suicidal" you are, sometimes you feel like a fraud.

On this scale, I was a 9/10 last week. ie started buying what i need

This week I am a 8/10 - im engaging with the public health menthal health so i we have agreed that I would not buy sn/straps/etc whats needed for me to kill myself. Not going to pickup what I have ordered. Daily phonecalls/messages and weekly appointments for now. Ergo im in the real world and not locked in a psych ward.

Curious to how SaSu is feeling.

As to not overload the group recovery thread ive posted here for a change

@ConfusedClouds
@Cloud Busting
@UltraAlter
@StarsAbove
@LRkin
@Meretlein
@never mind me
@ladybird jones drew
@ColorlessTrees

No obligation to reply
Have lovely week, no matter where you are on this

Source: https://emmengard.com/2019/05/07/suicide-scale/

View attachment 206735

I was a 4 for a while, but I think I'm back up to a 6, maybe a 7. I do some stuff that's not good for me like take a bit too much of my medication but I've also been more careful in other ways because I've been working out lately and don't want to kill my progress for nothing. Shit has just been making me so mad and upset lately but I feel like I have no real means of escape. I was a 9 a few months ago when I was posting here regularly and I'm starting to wonder if I'm climbing back up there.

I was a 10 this weekend but a 9 today, my attempts failed and now i don't know what to do to be honest. i will call my GP tomorrow to see if Assisted Suicide is an option but that takes 1-2 years in my country and 80% gets rejected so i do not have any hope.

Yeah, I was gonna hang myself like a year and a half ago but stepped down from the pedestal. Every time I think about ctb I just think about how much of a coward I am and that it will just turn into a waste of time and effort because I'll never be able to do it. I wish I had a gun but idk if I could pull the trigger either. It's all so fucking stupid.

I try to implement a wellness strategy that I recommend which is going outside every day, working out every day, eating 3 nice protein-rich meals a day, hygiene and keeping house clean, sleeping 8 hours, doing things for fun, working a job, seeing friends, creative expression, and maybe a prayer or meditation session.

What made me feel better was I started showering again. Most everything else has been out the window. I get sun and play video games, and now trying out more creative stuff like I used to. Applying for jobs. Praying for like 2 mins a day which I think helps a lot. My diet has been non-existent but that's definitely the most important thing so if you have money for groceries you should make a meal plan and stick to it.

I just started taking steps to fix my situation, like financially I'm supposed to be on assistance and they aren't answering me so I went into their office today and apparently they've been screwing me out of this months funds, but the lady was nice and apparently I'll get it tomorrow. Plus I had two interviews which went really well. I think I got both of the jobs (however both wanted my drivers abstract which costs 15$ and I don't have it until tomorrow so ive been ignoring them since last week.. so idk) but things are just moving. Time heals.

I've been playing with AI, like I'm a songwriter and have written compositions but my actual recording and mixing skills are shit. So I thought since I'm already on my last legs I mine as well sell my soul too. Anyways my songs are coming out really nicely and I think I actually have demos I can send to the record labels and now and have them maybe take me seriously for once.

Just gotta keep yourself busy.


hallo. :)

yeah I've been playing the new pokemon-recomp where you play gen 1 in 3D and I gotta say it's pretty wild if anyone played old school Pokemon. There are like 100 people making mods to the original game. It's pretty fun and you can play online with other people. harvest moon for snes kept me busy for a day. I'm so bored of sims now lol that's a game I'll play for 8 days straight without sleep and then not touch it for 5 years.

That's good about the adhd meds. I used to take adderall for fun, kind of wish I had some lol

Adderall is p easy to get if you're fine with waiting a while for them to get in (dextroamphetamine shortage). I think I might have ADHD legit but I also mostly just take it because it boosts the dopamine for a bit lol.

 

[bagel12]

I try to implement a wellness strategy that I recommend which is going outside every day, working out every day, eating 3 nice protein-rich meals a day, hygiene and keeping house clean, sleeping 8 hours, doing things for fun, working a job, seeing friends, creative expression, and maybe a prayer or meditation session.

What made me feel better was I started showering again. Most everything else has been out the window. I get sun and play video games, and now trying out more creative stuff like I used to. Applying for jobs. Praying for like 2 mins a day which I think helps a lot. My diet has been non-existent but that's definitely the most important thing so if you have money for groceries you should make a meal plan and stick to it.

I just started taking steps to fix my situation, like financially I'm supposed to be on assistance and they aren't answering me so I went into their office today and apparently they've been screwing me out of this months funds, but the lady was nice and apparently I'll get it tomorrow. Plus I had two interviews which went really well. I think I got both of the jobs (however both wanted my drivers abstract which costs 15$ and I don't have it until tomorrow so ive been ignoring them since last week.. so idk) but things are just moving. Time heals.

I've been playing with AI, like I'm a songwriter and have written compositions but my actual recording and mixing skills are shit. So I thought since I'm already on my last legs I mine as well sell my soul too. Anyways my songs are coming out really nicely and I think I actually have demos I can send to the record labels and now and have them maybe take me seriously for once.

Just gotta keep yourself busy.


hallo. :)

yeah I've been playing the new pokemon-recomp where you play gen 1 in 3D and I gotta say it's pretty wild if anyone played old school Pokemon. There are like 100 people making mods to the original game. It's pretty fun and you can play online with other people. harvest moon for snes kept me busy for a day. I'm so bored of sims now lol that's a game I'll play for 8 days straight without sleep and then not touch it for 5 years.

That's good about the adhd meds. I used to take adderall for fun, kind of wish I had some lol

that sounds like a good wellness strategy! doing creative stuff helps me a lot too. im not spiritual/religious so i don't pray, but i meditate, and i think it helps in a similar way.

i hope the financial assistance funds come through soon, and i'm glad to hear the interviews went well :) and good luck with the record labels, that's awesome!

i looked up the pokemon recomp graphics and mods and that looks so sick

 

[Spider-Man]

Yeah, I was gonna hang myself like a year and a half ago but stepped down from the pedestal. Every time I think about ctb I just think about how much of a coward I am and that it will just turn into a waste of time and effort because I'll never be able to do it. I wish I had a gun but idk if I could pull the trigger either. It's all so fucking stupid.

A gun would be so easy, Sadly they parent legal to own in my country and getting arrested with an illegal one would make my life hell and ruin the attemt (obv). It really sucks that ctb is so hard. Good luck with everything and hope you feel better :)

 

[LonelyPrince]

5 or 6

 

[h5784]

6 perhaps. I'm not sure, I'm just very depressed, low-energy both mental & physical. I'm not actively planning anything, but I wish I were dead. I'm still looking at things like therapy and the like so not all hope is lost.

 

[UltraAlter]

I would say a 4 or 5 at the moment. Slowly creeping up lately, but that's just due to my illness so should start going down when my flair up cools off a bit.. I just don't know when that will be… hopefully it won't reverse too much work for me. I don't know.

Hope everyone is doing well

 

[Cloud Busting]

hi cloud busting, i like the point you made about how taking steps towards something you want is positive and leads to better opportunities in the future, or other positive changes, even if the exact thing you wanted doesn't happen. i also really like the mindset shift you describe here, that when you get the thought to ctb, it just means you want the experience/emotion to stop, not that you truly want to ctb. it sounds like reframing it that way takes away the power/scariness of the thought. i will try this and see if it helps me :) and i agree with you about the comic, the visuals are more intuitive and helpful than the descriptions for me too. anyway i always appreciate your perspectives on recovery and i hope you're doing alright

Yeah if you hold your hopes up for one thing, you lose scope of all the other opportunities around you. If you trained for the marathon and didn't get in, or didn't win, what other new things have you gained from the training? Probably a lot if you stop and take a look around. People stress if things don't go to plan, but do they have to in order to gain improvement?

After being raised by controlling micromanaging perfectionistic people my entire childhood, I had to learn this, rather than fear all authority figures are out to get me if I "fail." I'm trying to work on assertiveness skills. I lost my self respect, but when I'm confident I'm a decent negotiator. Those negative core schemas that eat you up tho, man. You can unlearn them if you want. It's not easy tho haha. Especially when the authority figures in your life didn't trust you. Makes you feel like you can't trust anyone- including yourself. And that's when you let ppl use u… yeah. I'll stop there.

Also, the first time I got suicidal thoughts, they were passive. I got dismissed when I mentioned them because they weren't active. I did parasuicide shit to be taken seriously and the help really didn't help. So I just quit talking about that side of me. Indulging in those thoughts in private made them grow to the point I climbed up to ten years later. ):

Suicidal thoughts are taboo. It's also kind of a myth that suicidal people want to die, most don't. I know that's not a popular sentiment on this site. I never did. I HAD to, you know? I wish we could speak openly about suicide without it being a thing to fear. It's why people don't get help. I felt I had to kill myself to prove my pain was for real. That's a real problem.

We care more about the quantity of life over quality. The sanctity of life argument needs to die. Will it ever?

And thank you for asking. I have a lot of shit on my plate, way too many stressors all at once. No idea how I'm going to manage. But I finally have supportive people in my life. It makes all the difference.

I'm going to be taking a break from this site. It triggers my savior complex. I dump too much time into it. But it's been nice to meet you, you should post in the peer support megathread. It was active for awhile then it became dead. ): I brought it back, I don't want it to die. But it's not my responsibility. I got shit do.

i'm sorry to hear that nights are worse for you, nights are worse for me too. i try to distract myself by watching a show or playing a game or something so i cant pay attention to my own thoughts but it doesnt always work. i have a rule for myself im not allowed to make any big decisions at night and this helps me a little too

Interesting. I'm always my worst in the mornings. I'll mention this cortisol awakening response thing to my health providers. I don't know if that's what's going on. I have a hard time getting up, don't want to face the day, feel full of dread, overwhelmed, I snap at people, it's awful.

However I used to get so frustrated over distraction techniques cuz I couldn't really fully engage with or absorb anything anymore. No concentration for anything really. Everything felt blah. So no, distractions didn't really work.

I think you've mentioned having trauma before. I wonder if you struggle with numbness and dissociation? I think that's why these distraction techniques did nothing. I had to recenter myself to reality to engage, you know? Learning to be vulnerable was a big part of that. And proper hydration rest diet and shit. Coloring in a color book wasn't gonna do shit when I can't even focus on tv anymore. Ugh

 

[SweetChariot]

That's quite an interesting scale
I used to be on 9 but since getting on meds i feel like i've been on 4-5 nowadays

 

[tomame]

i'm borderline .. so even my best day could end with me putting a bullet in my head at this point in my life.

 

[a-lien]

You need -1 more posts to view this content

 

[wishiwasalittlecool]

7-8. I tried therapy and attempted (but wasn't able to) speak to a psychiatrist. idk what's left from here. No friends left to talk to. My mom said if I killed myself she'd join me.

 

[imnotcreative]

5-6

 

[TJAye]

credit to user @Gild-Holm-'Ur for mentioning it on another thread

I guess we are all here cause we are a little suicidal, some want to recover, others want to ctb and everything im between.

Its hard to know how "suicidal" you are, sometimes you feel like a fraud.

On this scale, I was a 9/10 last week. ie started buying what i need

This week I am a 8/10 - im engaging with the public health menthal health so i we have agreed that I would not buy sn/straps/etc whats needed for me to kill myself. Not going to pickup what I have ordered. Daily phonecalls/messages and weekly appointments for now. Ergo im in the real world and not locked in a psych ward.

Curious to how SaSu is feeling.

As to not overload the group recovery thread ive posted here for a change

@ConfusedClouds
@Cloud Busting
@UltraAlter
@StarsAbove
@LRkin
@Meretlein
@never mind me
@ladybird jones drew
@ColorlessTrees

No obligation to reply
Have lovely week, no matter where you are on this

Source: https://emmengard.com/2019/05/07/suicide-scale/

View attachment 206735

8. All I ever think of is my little bears and not abandoning them. Everything else is meaningless. But I'm not distressed like this character. It all feels calm. Maybe once they die and I'm out of that holding pattern, the emotion will come into it.

Feels like I've been at 7-8 for the past 3 months. Now that I've got sn for the past few days I'm finding myself staring down my sn and playing with it for 2-3 hours, seriously considering starting the protocol then I talk myself out of it. I genuinely convince myself to give life another shot for 6 months, then 5 hours later I'm again seriously considering starting my fast and taking my first meto pill. I've talked myself out of it for the 3rd time today and called the samaritans, am kind of stuck in a loop...

Thing is I'm not in some temporary critical impulsive mood that will lift with a bit of talking or a hug, I'm just genuinely undecided and fighting the temptation to get the relief I believe death would offer.

I am fairly certain I won't do it right now but I've thought these thoughts yesterday too and somehow I keep finding myself seriously considering starting the protocol down the line again. Being so undecided in the first place should be a sign that I shouldn't do it to begin with I suppose. But my indecision is based on my belief in the afterlife which isn't strong, as there's a decent chance that the afterlife isn't real, no one can know for sure. So I do technically feel ambivalent about it, but my ambivalence will likely never lift in my lifetime. I will always believe in the possibility of an afterlife, so what does that mean, I should never CTB, because of this ambivalence?

I guess it's been a dream of mine to CTB for so long and it's so within reach that it feels so so so tempting. If I didn't believe in the possiblity of an afterlife I'd CTB tommorow.

Edit: Although to be fair, as I've had this back and forth in my head, I have found reasons besides my belief in my afterlife that anchor me towards living, so I guess I'm trending away from the 7-8

Do you believe in a specific version of the afterlife (eg: the one described by a particular religion)? Or just a vague notion of continuation for your disembodied self?

 

[Insufficent]

Going between 6 and 9. I would say 10 is goung to happen

 

[hughmun9]

8. All I ever think of is my little bears and not abandoning them. Everything else is meaningless. But I'm not distressed like this character. It all feels calm. Maybe once they die and I'm out of that holding pattern, the emotion will come into it.

Do you believe in a specific version of the afterlife (eg: the one described by a particular religion)? Or just a vague notion of continuation for your disembodied self?

I half-believe in the version of the afterlife described by Michael Newton in his 2 books on the topic

 

[notwhereIbelong]

I've been able to be 3-4 with the occasional 5 for quite some time now, but due to recent cirmustances I'm back to 8