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Antigonish

Antigonish

Mage
Sep 19, 2020
593
Yes my friend, yes.

In primary school we had to draw images of things we had in mind for our future, or place we'd thought we'd be in life when we grew up. Mines looked very much like this...
Screenshot 20201212 021105 Google
 
sugar

sugar

Member
Nov 24, 2020
56
I fucked up my life because I never intended to live this long, and I don't know what the hell to do to survive now.

And I can't tell if I have a mental illness or THINK I have a mental illness.

The thought of this unjust world sickens me.

I want to form meaningful connections with people. I WANT to trust and be with people but I just can't. Everyone stresses me out. What kind of life is that?
 
orangepotato

orangepotato

Student
Mar 26, 2020
149
I'm hoping the process of fucking my life up the longer I'm alive will allow less fight from my SI when I'm able to finally CTB.

You worry me OP as it sounds like you may have already tried this yet to no avail?
Well I've been a heroin addict for 5 years. Been clean for 2 years. But I'm still miserable as hell. I'm thinking that this next year is the year I'll do it. My birthday is Jan 13 and I'll be 34, the same age one of my favorite philosophers - Phillip Mainlander - killed himself.
 
B

Bigpink

Warlock
Oct 12, 2020
704
I should have died a long time ago. Should never have been born, came early, barely survived, wish I hadn't. I'm not supposed to be here, can't wait to go
 
F

fruitbats

Member
Oct 21, 2019
16
I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember. It makes me unable to plan long term.
I was supposed to be dead at 18, two years and three months ago, but I was stopped and my life has only gone downhill from there. Now everything I had, college scholarship and going to school, a decent job, and a boyfriend that was sweeter than I deserved is all gone down the drain (the bf stayed but my mental illness has been giving him heart palpitations and panic attacks lately.) Two years past my expiration date and I can honestly say "it gets better" has been proven so far false that it's not even funny. Suicide will always be thought and focus #1 in my mind until I do it
 
sadgirl9999

sadgirl9999

ready to go ā™”
Jan 27, 2019
65
yes, i spent way too much money (tiny issue in comparison to my other problems but still) so i can't afford to keep getting medical treatment :( and i also pushed away the only people that genuinely cared about me. i was really mean to them on purpose because i wanted them to hate me as much as i hate myself, maybe? now they know how awful i am and how i truly am a burden. i know some ppl think they're burdens but aren't, but i swear i actually am. so i push everyone away and actually hostile until they don't even want to talk to me anymore. but because of that, it'll hurt less for them when i die, so that good
 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
I also don't have any plans, I live day by day, what made my life a is Depression, make it through the rainy days. It gets so hard sometimes. Ever time I open my windows each morning sometimes the first thing I say , oh no not another day... getting harder and harder.
 
M

Moon Flower

I'll soon be sleeping sound
Oct 14, 2019
536
I thought for sure I'd be gone by 18, and then I wasn't, and then I thought for sure I'd be gone by 30. I've still got 8 months before that passes me by though
 
A

Ae54rge

Member
Dec 6, 2020
40
Well I've been a heroin addict for 5 years. Been clean for 2 years. But I'm still miserable as hell. I'm thinking that this next year is the year I'll do it. My birthday is Jan 13 and I'll be 34, the same age one of my favorite philosophers - Phillip Mainlander - killed himself.
Dam OP. Thats real strength you have managing to be 2 years clean. I would have thought someone suicidal wouldn't cope. It's what I'm counting on to help the SI. The worse things are the easier it should be I hoped. I've just had no courage to try since I last did in my early 20s
 
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A

Ae54rge

Member
Dec 6, 2020
40
I thought for sure I'd be gone by 18, and then I wasn't, and then I thought for sure I'd be gone by 30. I've still got 8 months before that passes me by though
I was the same, tried at 22 and failed and lost all bottle, if the last 7 years are anything to go on, I have F all idea how I'm still here or meant to even face another day. I was thinking the same as you and the OP perhaps my next birthday my 30th would be a great choice.
 
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Sea Turtle

Sea Turtle

She/Her āœØ Achieving True Peace
Aug 12, 2020
346
I relate to this a lot ... today's actually the 2 year anniversary of me opening up to anyone, got sent to the ER ... never again...

Sometimes I regret telling anyone those years ago and not just taking action. I don't know what to do with myself now that I'm still alive. I was never supposed to get here.
 
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Mentalmick

Mentalmick

IMHOTEP!!!
Nov 30, 2020
2,050
Yes my friend, yes.

In primary school we had to draw images of things we had in mind for our future, or place we'd thought we'd be in life when we grew up. Mines looked very much like this...
View attachment 54920
I'll bet your teachers raised a few eyebrows after seeing this little Jem.
 
Josef2000

Josef2000

Forsaken One
Nov 5, 2019
144
I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember. It makes me unable to plan long term.
oh my god yes, I thought it was just me!
years of neglecting myself, hygiene because what's the point of teeth if your dead, as well as college, work, not getting driving lessons, not meeting anyone, not trying to recover because of the mentality that "I'll be dead soon"

years later and I'm picking up the pieces
 
A

akuyya

Permanent solution to a permanent problem.
Dec 3, 2020
16
yep me. I went on a drug binge that lasted 1 year and have done irrepairable damage. I was convinced i was gonna die, so i went all out and enjoyed my ride. I didn't only hurt myself but lots of other people too.
 

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