zanahori
Member
- Jul 21, 2023
- 55
Hi, I have always wanted to write something on this site since about a year and a half ago. I thought that if I explained what was happening to me or the story of my life someone would be able to help me or at least have a point of view other than my own it would be enough?
Although I was never able to do it, it seems that my mind is so broken that it doesn't even allow me to be able to get it out of my person.
It's as if my life was over as soon as it began. Not being able to talk about it, to express it, to face it, to shape it, I think it killed every part of me. If only I had asked for help! From my brother or parents or anyone. A cry for help would have been enough. So many things could have gone differently and yet I made every single one of the worst decisions for my life until well, that happened.
And since that happened, I understood that I must die. I should make it clear that I am a horrible person, I did horrible things that no one should be forgiven or justified for. I brought it on myself. It was my fault. The reason I'm like this now is entirely my fault. I look like a stupid mentally retarded person who doesn't see or understand what it's like, people, someone who does everything wrong all the time.
I've been sick like this since I was a kid.
One of the aspects that disgusts me the most about myself is how I replicate people unconsciously, to friends or my own brother, it's like having already discarded my personality all I do is copy the world to look normal I don't know.
Ah, I was going to make this post for another reason. Since a long time ago
I have been thinking about committing suicide for a long time, I took my time to investigate the methods that best suited me and which one I wanted. I ended up opting for decapitation by train, since 8 months ago I still cling to this way. Also to the same location, if my memory serves me correctly, it is 7.5 cm just around my neck. I recreated it at home several times to get rid of those last minute nerves, the indecision, although it is inevitable. I also watched several videos and how they did it, I guess Rina Palenkova is the one that motivates me the most to succeed. Multiple times I felt ready to do it and went to my special time at about 7:10 am, most of those days I stayed up all night.
I will get to the point, I don't know what to do anymore, I still exist, I don't feel anything anymore, after all I have done, like I don't care. The only thing that will continue to bring my existence is pain and discomfort. I don't know what to do. I wonder what they would have done in my situation, what is supposed to be the right thing to do, the only thing that keeps me alive are lies and delusions. I don't know. I don't know. I always have the chance to do it and it doesn't happen. I don't know. I want to sleep.
I'm sorry for writing so much, if I look stupid or should die please tell me maybe this post will be deleted for some reason, that would be funny.
Although I was never able to do it, it seems that my mind is so broken that it doesn't even allow me to be able to get it out of my person.
It's as if my life was over as soon as it began. Not being able to talk about it, to express it, to face it, to shape it, I think it killed every part of me. If only I had asked for help! From my brother or parents or anyone. A cry for help would have been enough. So many things could have gone differently and yet I made every single one of the worst decisions for my life until well, that happened.
And since that happened, I understood that I must die. I should make it clear that I am a horrible person, I did horrible things that no one should be forgiven or justified for. I brought it on myself. It was my fault. The reason I'm like this now is entirely my fault. I look like a stupid mentally retarded person who doesn't see or understand what it's like, people, someone who does everything wrong all the time.
I've been sick like this since I was a kid.
One of the aspects that disgusts me the most about myself is how I replicate people unconsciously, to friends or my own brother, it's like having already discarded my personality all I do is copy the world to look normal I don't know.
Ah, I was going to make this post for another reason. Since a long time ago
I have been thinking about committing suicide for a long time, I took my time to investigate the methods that best suited me and which one I wanted. I ended up opting for decapitation by train, since 8 months ago I still cling to this way. Also to the same location, if my memory serves me correctly, it is 7.5 cm just around my neck. I recreated it at home several times to get rid of those last minute nerves, the indecision, although it is inevitable. I also watched several videos and how they did it, I guess Rina Palenkova is the one that motivates me the most to succeed. Multiple times I felt ready to do it and went to my special time at about 7:10 am, most of those days I stayed up all night.
I will get to the point, I don't know what to do anymore, I still exist, I don't feel anything anymore, after all I have done, like I don't care. The only thing that will continue to bring my existence is pain and discomfort. I don't know what to do. I wonder what they would have done in my situation, what is supposed to be the right thing to do, the only thing that keeps me alive are lies and delusions. I don't know. I don't know. I always have the chance to do it and it doesn't happen. I don't know. I want to sleep.
I'm sorry for writing so much, if I look stupid or should die please tell me maybe this post will be deleted for some reason, that would be funny.
