Hey guys
Well another morning of pure anguish, I can't stop crying I really just want to go.
The spring is here, the birds are singing, people are out enjoying their lives, having a heart time and taking advantage of the weather, I don't want to sound bitter, well I am bitter. It hurts me so much more to know that I will never have those moments, experiences and feelings again, that feeling of pure joy and excitement and looking forward to things in life. In a way I wish I'd never felt what happiness was like that way I wouldn't know what pain and sadness feel like.
I'm so ready to go I'm hoping to be gone by July but I can't get over the pain I'm going to put my poor 80 year old mother and my younger siblings through, the thought of them suffering unimaginable, unbearable pain hurts me more than anything and that's adding to the pain and suffering I'm already feeling due to my issues but I'm just hurting to much and don't want to continue, can't continue living in agony. I know I've said this before but wish my family didn't love me so much so I would have to worry about them suffering because that the only thing really that holds me back.
I know some of you guys want to ctb because you feel no one loves you and I'm so sorry I don't want to offend you guys but that's how I feel. Well I just felt the need to vent. I want to say I hope you guys are ok but im sure your not but at least hope you have a little less pain.
Well another morning of pure anguish, I can't stop crying I really just want to go.
The spring is here, the birds are singing, people are out enjoying their lives, having a heart time and taking advantage of the weather, I don't want to sound bitter, well I am bitter. It hurts me so much more to know that I will never have those moments, experiences and feelings again, that feeling of pure joy and excitement and looking forward to things in life. In a way I wish I'd never felt what happiness was like that way I wouldn't know what pain and sadness feel like.
I'm so ready to go I'm hoping to be gone by July but I can't get over the pain I'm going to put my poor 80 year old mother and my younger siblings through, the thought of them suffering unimaginable, unbearable pain hurts me more than anything and that's adding to the pain and suffering I'm already feeling due to my issues but I'm just hurting to much and don't want to continue, can't continue living in agony. I know I've said this before but wish my family didn't love me so much so I would have to worry about them suffering because that the only thing really that holds me back.
I know some of you guys want to ctb because you feel no one loves you and I'm so sorry I don't want to offend you guys but that's how I feel. Well I just felt the need to vent. I want to say I hope you guys are ok but im sure your not but at least hope you have a little less pain.
