Hopelessness and Chemical Brain Imbalance

[frostedreef]

Hi everyone,

I would like to share a recent and recurring experience.

A brief background: I'm a 60 yr old straight single male with no kids. I made a couple of life altering mistakes as a young adult making me unable to reliably provide for a family. So Ive been afraid of dying alone for over a decade and knew I'll eventually CTB. I started seriously considering it 2 years ago after realizing I may not even be able to support myself a year from now or sooner due to the pandemic.

I think most of us want to CTB because we're hopeless or fearful about the future. And except for those terminally ill, it's possible to be hopeful. False hopes or not.

I'm prescribed Valium every 3 months for anxiety. When I took it 2 weeks ago, I stopped thinking CTB and happily got on with whatever life I had. Now I'm back here since the meds have worn off. This is somewhat like a vicious bi-polar like cycle. So I'm not sure if my hopelessness is a chemical brain imbalance fixed by meds. Or if the meds are just making me delusional and hopeful for a better and less fearful future.

My timeline after recently finalizing and preparing my CTB method was to check off some items on my bucket list and hold out until I can no longer support myself.

(anti-depressants never worked for me. Only Valium does like a on/off switch. Yes, I'm aware it could also worsen suicidal thoughts during withdrawal)

 

[Donk]

as a long time benzo user myself i know how you feel. your body gets dependant on it and at some point you will reach tolerance. your body will need more to feel the desire effect. like you said withdrawal symptoms can include depression and suicidal thoughts. go checkout benzobuddies. its a website dedicated to benzo users. also i suggest reading the aston martin guide.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

It sounds like Valium helps your anxiety about the future. Without it, your fears are overwhelming so much so that you want to CTB. Do you remember your thoughts when you were on Valium? Maybe, if you practice thinking about them over and over, it will help you to overcome the
hopelessness you have. Maybe, you won't even need Valium any more.

 

[frostedreef]

as a long time benzo user myself i know how you feel. your body gets dependant on it and at some point you will reach tolerance. your body will need more to feel the desire effect. like you said withdrawal symptoms can include depression and suicidal thoughts. go checkout benzobuddies. its a website dedicated to benzo users. also i suggest reading the aston martin guide.

Thanks for the feedback. I'll check them out. Same lifetime user here. A Grew up in the 80's.

It sounds like Valium helps your anxiety about the future. Without it, your fears are overwhelming so much so that you want to CTB. Do you remember your thoughts when you were on Valium? Maybe, if you practice thinking about them over and over, it will help you to overcome the
hopelessness you have. Maybe, you won't even need Valium any more.

Yes it does. It's an anti-anxiety drug. It's prescribed a lot before minor operations such as oral surgery to take the fear and memory out. So it does the same for me regarding my future.

And thanks for the cheerful encouragement

 

[terry_a_davis]

Benzo's are great drugs to treat anxiety but as already pointed out tolerance occurs, the brain is always trying to get itself back to its previous state, homeostasis is rubbish, it's like some of us are preprogrammed to not feel happy or at least suffer to some extent,