Hope from therapy

[UnrulyNightmare]

Just wondering. Did anyone ever get any hope or hopeful from seeing a therapist/psychologist?

Been trying for about 2 months now and I feel more and more there's nothing for me there.

Somehow I think I expected to find some sort of hope or spark or anything really from "asking for help". Anything to even slightly lift me out of the darkness.
I get it's on me but I thought someone else might be able to trigger something inside me.

But so far I feel like we're just talking in circles. Something I'm perfectly capable of all by myself.

 

[mapleboy]

Things did improve a bit when I went to therapy, but after a while, I got scared of the growth and positive change. I ended up relapsing on everything I was taught and ended up back at square one. It completely killed any hope I had for myself and I now refuse to go back, I'm scared it'll happen again.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Things did improve a bit when I went to therapy, but after a while, I got scared of the growth and positive change. I ended up relapsing on everything I was taught and ended up back at square one. It completely killed any hope I had for myself and I now refuse to go back, I'm scared it'll happen again.

What sort of things were you learning? How long until you noticed a change?
If I may ask, don't mean to be nosy. But most 'sources' elsewhere online just suggest asking for help is like the holy grail.

Sorry it didn't stick! Change is scary too..

 

[3/4Dead]

Therapy definetly helped me. Sometimes it does just feel like talking in circles, but in part it's because it's the long game. If you're in immidiate danger, sure we can do something about that but it won't solve the problem, we have to spend serious time and energy trying to fix things up. I've been through nine therapists and of that actually felt helped by two or three and I am infinetly greatful.

I don't know that I'd necessarily call it "hope" I just noticed I wasn't as bad as I was before and figured I'd keep going. Additionally; for some people (me probably) an hour to just bitch and moan once a week is honestly sublime and can solve a lot of problems, especially if you have lousy emotional regulation.

 

[mapleboy]

What sort of things were you learning? How long until you noticed a change?
If I may ask, don't mean to be nosy. But most 'sources' elsewhere online just suggest asking for help is like the holy grail.

Sorry it didn't stick! Change is scary too..

Various healthy coping skills, general mindfulness, among other somewhat generic things. I was also specially taught how to ground myself in case of a panic attack, which was something that actually stuck and helps me quite often. The therapist I worked with really dug into my brain to help me and himself understand how/why I feel the way I do about life and myself. I became way more self aware, although now it just makes me hate myself even more and is really discouraging. It definitely took a while to notice a change, I didn't really open up to my therapist until maybe about 2 or 3 months into our sessions. I wasn't putting things into practice until much later also. Anyway, realizing you need help is just the first step I think. Actually going out of your way to ask for it is a whole different task, it takes a lot more effort than people think it does. I wouldn't say it's the "holy grail", I think creating healthy habits as a result of the things you learn from the help you receive is what makes people grow.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Therapy definetly helped me. Sometimes it does just feel like talking in circles, but in part it's because it's the long game. If you're in immidiate danger, sure we can do something about that but it won't solve the problem, we have to spend serious time and energy trying to fix things up. I've been through nine therapists and of that actually felt helped by two or three and I am infinetly greatful.

I don't know that I'd necessarily call it "hope" I just noticed I wasn't as bad as I was before and figured I'd keep going. Additionally; for some people (me probably) an hour to just bitch and moan once a week is honestly sublime and can solve a lot of problems, especially if you have lousy emotional regulation.

9?! Wow. I can't imagine telling the same stuff so many times over.. I'm glad some did help for you though.

Oh I have lousy emotional regulation atm. Since becoming ill and not being able to use my regular ways to cope. But I went from I hate my life, lets not impulsively try ending it, to maybe I should find some help after I got ill, and then once I made that step to ask I had to wait for so long I just.. gave up, sorta? These days I do little but plan my end, while before I started therapy I was more on the impulsive side but "fine" the rest of the time.

What were the things you noticed when you felt you improved?

 

[like-spoiledmilk]

No. It doesn't help that I've known enough about therapy, from professional work and personal research, that nothing I hear is new anymore. Just someone reading from a composition of numerical lists I already have memorized.

For context, my current therapist ends our hour long sessions after 20 minutes each time. I basically do a 20 minute comedy set and leave. She said I'm close to "graduating" therapy.... but at least she also thinks I'm funny :,)

 

[opheliaoveragain]

A little story…

I had this therapist who I adored. She met me where I was at with addiction and PTSD etc, but as my ED got stronger at the time, I was in full relapse, kinda similar to now, and I was at an extremely low weight. Granted, my therapist was not certified in ED care. But the next part should have never happened.

I walk into their office wearing whatever, and they absolutely go into full hysterics/sobbing over how it looks like I'm about to die, when I was walking talking just fine, I mean hello I made it to appointment. They are in hysterics for the majority of the session and I, the person IN THERAPY, had to console them, the professional, for a long time. They still asked for the full amount of payment at the end of the "session". I've come to believe femme on femme therapy is some weird game the therapists play with themselves, kinda like they're trying to get points for whatever. It's a weird feeling.

This is not to say that therapy cannot be helpful to some. But fuck, that was a shit experience. She could have referred me elsewhere but didn't.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Various healthy coping skills, general mindfulness, among other somewhat generic things. I was also specially taught how to ground myself in case of a panic attack, which was something that actually stuck and helps me quite often. The therapist I worked with really dug into my brain to help me and himself understand how/why I feel the way I do about life and myself. I became way more self aware, although now it just makes me hate myself even more and is really discouraging. It definitely took a while to notice a change, I didn't really open up to my therapist until maybe about 2 or 3 months into our sessions. I wasn't putting things into practice until much later also. Anyway, realizing you need help is just the first step I think. Actually going out of your way to ask for it is a whole different task, it takes a lot more effort than people think it does. I wouldn't say it's the "holy grail", I think creating healthy habits as a result of the things you learn from the help you receive is what makes people grow.

Gotcha!
I think thats the going in circles feeling.. She asks me questions to "see the why's of my behaviour and feelings", but I've asked myself those things so many times before. I know why She expects me to be surprised or discover new ways of thinking, but it's not happening. Always been extremely self-aware and I get the hating part! I rather not be so aware..

"I was also specially taught how to ground myself in case of a panic attack"
Suuper helpful! Panic attacks suck!

Thanks so much for sharing your experience

 

[3/4Dead]

9?! Wow. I can't imagine telling the same stuff so many times over.. I'm glad some did help for you though.

Oh I have lousy emotional regulation. Even more so since becoming ill and not being able to use my regular ways to cope. But I went from I hate my life, lets not impulsively try ending it, to maybe I should find some help after I got ill, and then once I made that step to ask I had to wait for so long I just.. gave up, sorta? These days I do little but planning my end, while before I started therapy I was more on the impulsive side but "fine" the rest of the time.

What were the things you noticed when you felt you improved?

I started going when I was a kid so that definetly helps with the frustration but starting over always makes me shut down for a while. Crossing my fingers I'll stick with my current therapist until I CTB (unless I should change my mind obv, but point still stands).

The wailists for therapist are a total killer, it took me months to see my first psyc and it was total chaos because she was so busy. It really sucks, so I definetly understand just feeling like quitting.

I'm so much better and verbalizing my thoughts and feelings, even though I don't do relationships closed mouths don't get fed, if I need help I have to know how to ask, and therapy has given me lots of practice at that. I understand whats wrong with me much better, and that's helped to get through day to day issues (before I knew I had OCD I'd just brute force my way through triggers which was a horrible idea, did so much damage, and now I know better and I can navigate things without feeling like the world is about to end every five minutes). I have a much better understanding of my childhood, more specifically my relationhip with my parents and stuff. I don't doubt myself so much these days, not as much as I used to at least, because it helps to have a neutral third party to say "that was abusive" or "that was not okay" or "maybe /you/ failed to communicate here" or "/they/ failed to communicate there"


I get that it's not for everyone, but I definetly see the benefit in at least trying.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

No. It doesn't help that I've known enough about therapy, from professional work and personal research, that nothing I hear is new anymore. Just someone reading from a composition of numerical lists I already have memorized.

For context, my current therapist ends our hour long sessions after 20 minutes each time. I basically do a 20 minute comedy set and leave. She said I'm close to "graduating" therapy.... but at least she also thinks I'm funny ‍

Thanks for sharing

I keep hoping there is something 'new' out there I missed..

It doesn't sound too useful to be honest, but at least its sort of entertaining in a dark way

A little story…

I had this therapist who I adored. She met me where I was at with addiction and PTSD etc, but as my ED got stronger at the time, I was in full relapse, kinda similar to now, and I was at an extremely low weight. Granted, my therapist was not certified in ED care. But the next part should have never happened.

I walk into their office wearing whatever, and they absolutely go into full hysterics/sobbing over how it looks like I'm about to die, when I was walking talking just fine, I mean hello I made it to appointment. They are in hysterics for the majority of the session and I, the person IN THERAPY, had to console them, the professional, for a long time. They still asked for the full amount of payment at the end of the "session". I've come to believe femme on femme therapy is some weird game the therapists play with themselves, kinda like they're trying to get points for whatever. It's a weird feeling.

This is not to say that therapy cannot be helpful to some. But fuck, that was a shit experience. She could have referred me elsewhere but didn't.

That sounds really unprofessional! Sorry for the bad experience and thanks for sharing!

I started going when I was a kid so that definetly helps with the frustration but starting over always makes me shut down for a while. Crossing my fingers I'll stick with my current therapist until I CTB (unless I should change my mind obv, but point still stands).

The wailists for therapist are a total killer, it took me months to see my first psyc and it was total chaos because she was so busy. It really sucks, so I definetly understand just feeling like quitting.

I'm so much better and verbalizing my thoughts and feelings, even though I don't do relationships closed mouths don't get fed, if I need help I have to know how to ask, and therapy has given me lots of practice at that. I understand whats wrong with me much better, and that's helped to get through day to day issues (before I knew I had OCD I'd just brute force my way through triggers which was a horrible idea, did so much damage, and now I know better and I can navigate things without feeling like the world is about to end every five minutes). I have a much better understanding of my childhood, more specifically my relationhip with my parents and stuff. I don't doubt myself so much these days, not as much as I used to at least, because it helps to have a neutral third party to say "that was abusive" or "that was not okay" or "maybe /you/ failed to communicate here" or "/they/ failed to communicate there"


I get that it's not for everyone, but I definetly see the benefit in at least trying.

I grew up with a psychologist as a parent so I'm extremely aware of coping skills and all the stuff.. I'd like to joke I grew up overthinking

"closed mouths don't get fed, if I need help I have to know how to ask, and therapy has given me lots of practice at that" That's one of my big issues. I don't want to live in a world where I need to scream to be heard. No matter how much other people tell me it's healthy to ask and demand, if I feel I need to scream for help, it just doesn't help me anymore. It only makes me feel unwanted.
Not to be said that 'normal asking' is perfectly fine of course!

Quick question: did you feel you needed to respect your therapist before them validating 'something is/was abuse' actually means something to you?

Waited for 9 months. I feel you. It's not funny. Neither is starting over.

Yeah. Brute forcing through things works, until it doesn't.. Only afterwards you realize the damage. I'm glad it did help you!

 

[alltoomuch2]

I'd lost all hope. Never really had hope, or happiness. In fact never had hope or happiness for the whole of my life. But I've had 4 sessions with a new mental health team and a new to me, experienced, psychiatric nurse and he's teaching me DBT because I have BPD, C-PTSD as well as autism. And I am starting to be able to continue life despite my mood swings etc.
I can't deny, it still seems just as painful when I'm having the mood swings but this is very early days and he says this is the pre-treatment phase. So as long as I don't think about having no purpose in life, that I'm just a shitty useless, ugly, fat horrible individual that makes other people's lives worse, it's giving me a tiny bit of hope that my life experience could change and be bearable and avoid me having to make my family suffer from my death by ctb.
It's only a tiny bit of hope, but it's the first thing that has worked in any way for me, and I've promised myself and others that I'll give this my best shot and see what happens.
The only danger right now is that I'm slow at doing the DBT stuff, I have SN already and the AE, and I can be extremely impulsive when overwhelmed, but I'm seeing this new psych nurse for as long as needed and he seems to know what he's doing. So there's enough hope, albeit tiny, for me to want to carry on with the therapy,

A little story…

I had this therapist who I adored. She met me where I was at with addiction and PTSD etc, but as my ED got stronger at the time, I was in full relapse, kinda similar to now, and I was at an extremely low weight. Granted, my therapist was not certified in ED care. But the next part should have never happened.

I walk into their office wearing whatever, and they absolutely go into full hysterics/sobbing over how it looks like I'm about to die, when I was walking talking just fine, I mean hello I made it to appointment. They are in hysterics for the majority of the session and I, the person IN THERAPY, had to console them, the professional, for a long time. They still asked for the full amount of payment at the end of the "session". I've come to believe femme on femme therapy is some weird game the therapists play with themselves, kinda like they're trying to get points for whatever. It's a weird feeling.

This is not to say that therapy cannot be helpful to some. But fuck, that was a shit experience. She could have referred me elsewhere but didn't.

That is terrible!

 

[maniac116]

Just wondering. Did anyone ever get any hope or hopeful from seeing a therapist/psychologist?

Been trying for about 2 months now and I feel more and more there's nothing for me there.

Somehow I think I expected to find some sort of hope or spark or anything really from "asking for help". Anything to even slightly lift me out of the darkness.
I get it's on me but I thought someone else might be able to trigger something inside me.

But so far I feel like we're just talking in circles. Something I'm perfectly capable of all by myself.

Things can be hard at first because we have to face the crap that's bothering us again & that can be traumatic.
One thing is certain: if you close your mind to it, it probably will not
help too much.
For me, being of service to others helps me. It's therapeutic to myself & the person I'm being of service to.
I hope the best for you...

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'd lost all hope. Never really had hope, or happiness. In fact never had hope or happiness for the whole of my life. But I've had 4 sessions with a new mental health team and a new to me, experienced, psychiatric nurse and he's teaching me DBT because I have BPD, C-PTSD as well as autism. And I am starting to be able to continue life despite my mood swings etc.
I can't deny, it still seems just as painful when I'm having the mood swings but this is very early days and he says this is the pre-treatment phase. So as long as I don't think about having no purpose in life, that I'm just a shitty useless, ugly, fat horrible individual that makes other people's lives worse, it's giving me a tiny bit of hope that my life experience could change and be bearable and avoid me having to make my family suffer from my death by ctb.
It's only a tiny bit of hope, but it's the first thing that has worked in any way for me, and I've promised myself and others that I'll give this my best shot and see what happens.
The only danger right now is that I'm slow at doing the DBT stuff, I have SN already and the AE, and I can be extremely impulsive when overwhelmed, but I'm seeing this new psych nurse for as long as needed and he seems to know what he's doing. So there's enough hope, albeit tiny, for me to want to carry on with the therapy,

That's a lot to deal with!

I recognize so much of me in ADHD. Once I read into that I started accepting myself a bit more, only to realize I don't like being me in this world.
My therapist doesn't want to look into it I think. Just 'treat' the "depression" (I am doubtful and call it being realistic)

I'm so glad you found a bit of hope and a reason to keep trying! Thanks for sharing!

Things can be hard at first because we have to face the crap that's bothering us again & that can be traumatic.
One thing is certain: if you close your mind to it, it probably will not
help too much.
For me, being of service to others helps me. It's therapeutic to myself & the person I'm being of service to.
I hope the best for you...

Oh yes, the crap I'm familiar with. But that's not what's bothering me the most tbh.

I like who I am. I absolutely love helping people as well. I don't like living in a world where it's not normal to return that favour. I don't like having to hide myself away to protect me from all the pain, disappointment and hate in this society.
I wish I could go back to closing my mind to it again. I've done it before.
But this time, I don't really want to anymore.. It's not who I am, it's not who I want to be either. But I don't want to live hurting this badly all the time either.

Thus I try with therapy, just not having any positive results so far That's why I wondered about other people's experiences.

Thanks

 

[3/4Dead]

That's one of my big issues. I don't want to live in a world where I need to scream to be heard. No matter how much other people tell me it's healthy to ask and demand, if I feel I need to scream for help, it just doesn't help me anymore. It only makes me feel unwanted.
Not to be said that 'normal asking' is perfectly fine of course!

Quick question: did you feel you needed to respect your therapist before them validating 'something is/was abuse' actually means something to you?

Waited for 9 months. I feel you. It's not funny. Neither is starting over.

Yeah. Brute forcing through things works, until it doesn't.. Only afterwards you realize the damage. I'm glad it did help you!

I 100% understand that. These days the only people I every tell when I need help are my therapist and my closest friend, as he (friend) has quite literally begged me to let him try to help, and I know I don't need to be rolling on the ground dying and in crisis for him to take me seriously, which is something i struggle with. Sometimes I still don't talk to him unless I'm about to hit rock bottom. My therapist of course has to help regardless lolol.

I did, absoloutely. It's especially hard since I grew up being told I was dramatic, and taking things too seriously, so it took a while for my therapist to build trust with me and such before I was willing to take to heart things like labeling experiences abusive. I know they didn't say anything like that for maybe the first year of my seeing them (as I still live with my parents and they felt it could be kinda earth shattering to say that) and now that I'm moving out they're much more upfront, especially when I'm doubting my choices "This is abusive, do not compromise, you need to move out and heal" etc. etc. I think it matters so much now because they were so careful before, and because we've had time for me to learn to respect their knowledge, their abilities and their judgement.

I'm really hoping therapy works out for you, as it can be a really great tool.
Writing this super fast bc i gotta get to work so I hope its coherent lolol

 

[maniac116]

That's a lot to deal with!

I recognize so much of me in ADHD. Once I read into that I started accepting myself a bit more, only to realize I don't like being me in this world.
My therapist doesn't want to look into in really. Just 'treat' the "depression" (I am doubtful and call it being realistic)

I'm so glad you found a bit of hope and a reason to keep trying! Thanks for sharing!

Oh yes, the crap I'm familiar with. But that's not what's bothering me the most tbh.

I like who I am. I absolutely love helping people as well. I don't like living in a world where it's not normal to return that favour. I don't like having to hide myself away to protect me from all the pain, disappointment and hate in this society.
I wish I could go back to closing my mind to it again. I've done it before.
But this time, I don't really want to anymore.. It's not who I am, it's not who I want to be either. But I don't want to live hurting this badly all the time either.

Thus I try with therapy, just not having any positive results so far That's why I wondered about other people's experiences.

Thanks

Ya, one of the problems I faced in trying to be of service was that in the back of my mind I was expecting the favor to be returned. That wasnt a realistic expectation, in fact I have 0 expectations now. I just want to be of service with no expectations of a return, but just because its the "right thing to do" for me anyway.
I agree that this world is a fucking mess & people can be so self absorbed that they dont think of anyone but themselves. I try to forgive them (as much as I can).
We ALL have problems & some days we are so caught up in them that we are self obsessed with them. I try to remember how it feels to be disregarded so that I dont disregard others & cause them to feel that way. I doesnt always work though, because Im a very flawed human animal as well.
I truly hope you find what you are looking for!.....

That's a lot to deal with!

I recognize so much of me in ADHD. Once I read into that I started accepting myself a bit more, only to realize I don't like being me in this world.
My therapist doesn't want to look into in really. Just 'treat' the "depression" (I am doubtful and call it being realistic)

I'm so glad you found a bit of hope and a reason to keep trying! Thanks for sharing!

Oh yes, the crap I'm familiar with. But that's not what's bothering me the most tbh.

I like who I am. I absolutely love helping people as well. I don't like living in a world where it's not normal to return that favour. I don't like having to hide myself away to protect me from all the pain, disappointment and hate in this society.
I wish I could go back to closing my mind to it again. I've done it before.
But this time, I don't really want to anymore.. It's not who I am, it's not who I want to be either. But I don't want to live hurting this badly all the time either.

Thus I try with therapy, just not having any positive results so far That's why I wondered about other people's experiences.

Thanks

The thing about therapy is they don't give much advice but rather, try to guide you to your own answers.
That simply doesn't work well in some instances.
And they can't be too "empathetic" because they have many patients to see & would drown in others problems. They have to guard themselves from patients turmoil to an extent.
It doesn't mean they don't care, but it doesn't help either in some cases.
That's where this website can be helpful because at least we can tell the absolute truth without criticism & others in the same situation can respond with empathy because we can relate.
Blessings!

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I 100% understand that. These days the only people I every tell when I need help are my therapist and my closest friend, as he (friend) has quite literally begged me to let him try to help, and I know I don't need to be rolling on the ground dying and in crisis for him to take me seriously, which is something i struggle with. Sometimes I still don't talk to him unless I'm about to hit rock bottom. My therapist of course has to help regardless lolol.

I did, absoloutely. It's especially hard since I grew up being told I was dramatic, and taking things too seriously, so it took a while for my therapist to build trust with me and such before I was willing to take to heart things like labeling experiences abusive. I know they didn't say anything like that for maybe the first year of my seeing them (as I still live with my parents and they felt it could be kinda earth shattering to say that) and now that I'm moving out they're much more upfront, especially when I'm doubting my choices "This is abusive, do not compromise, you need to move out and heal" etc. etc. I think it matters so much now because they were so careful before, and because we've had time for me to learn to respect their knowledge, their abilities and their judgement.

I'm really hoping therapy works out for you, as it can be a really great tool.
Writing this super fast bc i gotta get to work so I hope its coherent lolol

Thanks so much for taking time to reply regardless of needing to rush It's coherent!

I see how they would be more upfront when you are less reliant on your parents. Nice you have such a friend!
I understand what you're saying, I guess I'm too impatient..

Recognize being called dramatic. Also too sensitive

My therapist is just outta school, younger than I am, gosh I feel old , and she's still shocked by relatively innocent things. She tries really hard I think, but doesn't bring much to the table. And try as I might, the only thing I can respect her for is not pushing me on details/plans even though I've honestly said I have them; for trusting my word when I say I'm safe enough. But otherwise I just.. we don't connect, we don't click. She validates but doesn't understand. I'm trying to find ways to learn to respect her. But so far.. She said something about being hit as a child wasn't my fault, and I honestly didn't care she said that. (I know it wasn't my fault but I just don't care she agrees). That was an eye opener for me to realize I don't care much for her opinions And that's not helping either, but I'd like to change that

I was planning on quiting therapy as it costs me more than it gives me back. But now I'm not so sure anymore. Haha. Thanks

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Not to be discouraging at all, but therapy always made me feel worse. Mostly because I felt as if none of the therapists had seen a situation like mine before and could not understand me. Not only my problems, but my interests and hobbies, my background, etc were all foreign concepts to them. Even when they'd say, "Oh it's outside of my scope, but this place can help you!" Only to be met with the same things.

Sometimes the advice I was given was directly harmful as well, I was often told things like, "I just need to hope it gets better" or when I was in adolescent psychiatry and psychotherapy, "Just wait till you're 18, and it'll all improve" while they gave me no actual wisdom or resources to improve my lot later in life. I heard the same things over and over again about journaling, gratitude, mindfulness, meditation, grounding exercises, breathing exercises, take a walk, take a bath, CBT, 'processing trauma', ad nauseum until I grew sick of the lack of new interventions being proposed as if I hadn't tried a million times before.

A lot of my problems stem from abuse and not having people in my life, so a lot of self-help (which is what most modern psychotherapy methods boil down) methods fall flat for my specific situation.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Ya, one of the problems I faced in trying to be of service was that in the back of my mind I was expecting the favor to be returned. That wasnt a realistic expectation, in fact I have 0 expectations now. I just want to be of service with no expectations of a return, but just because its the "right thing to do" for me anyway.
I agree that this world is a fucking mess & people can be so self absorbed that they dont think of anyone but themselves. I try to forgive them (as much as I can).
We ALL have problems & some days we are so caught up in them that we are self obsessed with them. I try to remember how it feels to be disregarded so that I dont disregard others & cause them to feel that way. I doesnt always work though, because Im a very flawed human animal as well.
I truly hope you find what you are looking for!.....

The thing about therapy is they don't give much advice but rather, try to guide you to your own answers.
That simply doesn't work well in some instances.
And they can't be too "empathetic" because they have many patients to see & would drown in others problems. They have to guard themselves from patients turmoil to an extent.
It doesn't mean they don't care, but it doesn't help either in some cases.
That's where this website can be helpful because at least we can tell the absolute truth without criticism & others in the same situation can respond with empathy because we can relate.
Blessings!

Props to you!! I can't not expect anything back. And I don't want to either. Not a world I wanna live in. But I see how it could help me.

I don't need to be guided to my answers.. I know myself, my mind and my issues. My answer has always been ending my life. Nothing else is realistically do able, let alone whilst enjoying anything myself. (No matter how badly I want to change the entire world for the better). I also don't need advice. I know what needs happening.

What I don't know is how to make that happen with any enjoyment in it without betraying my morals..


True. They need to watch themselves as well.

Ooh dont get me wrong. I don't want them crying or feeling sad. But I notice when I talk about things she just doesn't have a clue what I'm on about. I can tell her I'm bothered by something, but if she herself doesn't know what's normal in that situation.. well she'll never get me Thats what I meant with young. Inexperienced (sometimes in the harshness of the world.) And because she doesnt know what I'm on about she stays in what I call 'neutral'. And that bothers the shit outta me hahahaa

I can listen to people, and show genuine emotions, without letting it overwhelm me or touch me. Rather reflect somewhat back instead of staying neutral, if that makes sense? And I am super sensitive.

I know. And I truly love this site and it's people for it!

Not to be discouraging at all, but therapy always made me feel worse. Mostly because I felt as if none of the therapists had seen a situation like mine before and could not understand me. Not only my problems, but my interests and hobbies, my background, etc were all foreign concepts to them. Even when they'd say, "Oh it's outside of my scope, but this place can help you!" Only to be met with the same things.

Sometimes the advice I was given was directly harmful as well, I was often told things like, "I just need to hope it gets better" or when I was in adolescent psychiatry and psychotherapy, "Just wait till you're 18, and it'll all improve" while they gave me no actual wisdom or resources to improve my lot later in life. I heard the same things over and over again about journaling, gratitude, mindfulness, meditation, grounding exercises, breathing exercises, take a walk, take a bath, CBT, 'processing trauma', ad nauseum until I grew sick of the lack of new interventions being proposed as if I hadn't tried a million times before.

This!!
I feel like she just doesn't get me.

I've seen it all, done it all, whatever helped is physically impossible at the moment. I've tried it before and most of it does shit all..

I'm sorry they said those things instead of actually giving you viable ways to cope!

A lot of my problems stem from abuse and not having people in my life, so a lot of self-help (which is what most modern psychotherapy methods boil down) methods fall flat for my specific situation.

I'm sorry for going through that from an early age!

Yeah. I don't mind helping myself, but I'm not sitting there because that's working so well.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

No, it ruined my life.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

No, it ruined my life.

I'm sorry

 

[AAE]

Most therapists work for money, not because of having a genuine interest in helping others. They repeat the same crap you get if you search anything online. Therapists have only made me feel worse, especially since they quit contacting me after just a few meetings. I guess there were others who paid them more.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Most therapists work for money, not because of having a genuine interest in helping others. They repeat the same crap you get if you search anything online. Therapists have only made me feel worse, especially since they quit contacting me after just a few meetings. I guess there were others who paid them more.

I'm sorry you had such shitty therapists!
No one working with people should be in it just for the money..!

 

[alltoomuch2]

I suppose as well, it depends what you mean by "therapist". Is it someone who you just pour all your troubles out to and feel a bit better for a short time. Or someone who actually teaches you some techniques that might work. I've done all the talking stuff, over and over again. It did help me to remember a lot of stuff i'd forgotten or blocked out - which may be helpful, or harmful, I don't know. It was very difficult at the time. But my current "therapist" is a psychiatric nurse and in our sessions we spend around the first half of the session doing a catchup of what I've done and what's happened since the last time i saw him, and he makes suggestions about those things if I need that. And also how I've got on with the techniques I learned in the last session. Then the second half is more like an interactive college lecture where he teaches me a new thing eg radical acceptance and I keep quiet unless I need to ask questions. I'm finding this approach much better than the talking stuff. Talking is probably helpful at the very start. But after that I was desperate for tools to help myself because I'd got stuck and my usual coping methods weren't working. That's all i ask of a therapist now - the benefit of their knowledge of useful methods, that I can add to my knowledge of myself. The autism team also have some input so that his sessions are presented in an autism-friendly way (lower lighting, give me time to process, more concise and to the point hand outs). This is only DBT pre-treatment that we're sort of speeding through to help with my emotional dysregulation, before we slow down and tackle the big issues. I'm hoping that that part of the treatment will be good too, but i know he has lots of possible approaches and treatments that he uses and he's also using this time of pre-treatment to know me better and decide what to try later. Finger crossed for me!

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I suppose as well, it depends what you mean by "therapist". Is it someone who you just pour all your troubles out to and feel a bit better for a short time. Or someone who actually teaches you some techniques that might work. I've done all the talking stuff, over and over again. It did help me to remember a lot of stuff i'd forgotten or blocked out - which may be helpful, or harmful, I don't know. It was very difficult at the time. But my current "therapist" is a psychiatric nurse and in our sessions we spend around the first half of the session doing a catchup of what I've done and what's happened since the last time i saw him, and he makes suggestions about those things if I need that. And also how I've got on with the techniques I learned in the last session. Then the second half is more like an interactive college lecture where he teaches me a new thing eg radical acceptance and I keep quiet unless I need to ask questions. I'm finding this approach much better than the talking stuff. Talking is probably helpful at the very start. But after that I was desperate for tools to help myself because I'd got stuck and my usual coping methods weren't working. That's all i ask of a therapist now - the benefit of their knowledge of useful methods, that I can add to my knowledge of myself. The autism team also have some input so that his sessions are presented in an autism-friendly way (lower lighting, give me time to process, more concise and to the point hand outs). This is only DBT pre-treatment that we're sort of speeding through to help with my emotional dysregulation, before we slow down and tackle the big issues. I'm hoping that that part of the treatment will be good too, but i know he has lots of possible approaches and treatments that he uses and he's also using this time of pre-treatment to know me better and decide what to try later. Finger crossed for me!

That sounds very practical. I've asked her for things that could help me but basically I've tried it or are unable to do it atm. (Mostly the last) Or unwilling to, I'm not above admitting that
She's a psychologist. Not sure where that falls within your system. But there is nobody higher, who sees patients on a regular base, beside a psychiatrist, who only does meds. As far as I know at least.

We talk. She asks about my week. I'm still stuck ill at home.
Then I pour out old issues and don't feel better
Not about the issues at least.
Feel better after talking because I don't have any support system and besides my cats don't really have anyone to talk to.
But after the 'I get to talk to someone who listens' wears off I hate myself for enjoying it when knowing she wouldn't if I didn't pay her for it.
Which I then rationalize and overthink while my heart says Nop. Die. And then realize I feel worse having revisited old pains as well.
Haha yeah. I'm trying to give it an unbiased try but I'm finding it harder and harder the worse I feel and the less I care.

Thanks for sharing. It's been really helpful!

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm forced to do therapy against my will and it's absolutely useless to me. My issues stem from the fact that I'm an autistic person who is in a world meant for neurotypicals. Therapists can't understand that no matter how much they try to since they're pro lifers and believe in the just world fallacy. My issues are the fact that the world isn't meant for me nor do I want to put in any effort to make it be meant for me. I just think that life isn't worth the effort and also that it's unfair that I'm forced to do things that I don't want to do. I don't want to (nor is it possible for me to) be gaslit into thinking that I should have to adapt to society no matter what and survive for as long as possible. I believe that it's society that should be adapting to me since I was born against my consent and I don't have much on my plate to be dealing with life, work, chores, responsibilities etc. If they don't want to adapt to me and give me a way to live instead of survive, they should at least give me a peaceful and guaranteed way of escaping existence but they don't even do that.

Therapy can't work on me because I'm not the problem. Society and other people are the problem, not me. I'm just different yet everybody insists that I should be the same. It's sickening

 

[BojackHorseman]

Various healthy coping skills, general mindfulness, among other somewhat generic things. I was also specially taught how to ground myself in case of a panic attack, which was something that actually stuck and helps me quite often. The therapist I worked with really dug into my brain to help me and himself understand how/why I feel the way I do about life and myself. I became way more self aware, although now it just makes me hate myself even more and is really discouraging. It definitely took a while to notice a change, I didn't really open up to my therapist until maybe about 2 or 3 months into our sessions. I wasn't putting things into practice until much later also. Anyway, realizing you need help is just the first step I think. Actually going out of your way to ask for it is a whole different task, it takes a lot more effort than people think it does. I wouldn't say it's the "holy grail", I think creating healthy habits as a result of the things you learn from the help you receive is what makes people grow.

This is what I wanted when I went to therapy, but I did not get this. She did that stereotypical thing, sat across from me in a small room, legs crossed, writing on a clipboard, asking "how does that make you feel". Like bitch I just spent the past 20 minutes telling you how it makes me feel. I not paying you to just have someone to vent to, I can do that to my husband for free, im paying you to tell me how to cope with this stuff. How to calm down a panic attack at work, how to respond to certain situations to keep myself calm, stuff like that. 3 visits and $800 and I was thoroughly discouraged and frustrated and quit. I've been meaning to go to a new person, preferably a psychiatrist because I think I need medication, but I live in such a small rural area. There aren't many options. I've been thinking of that Better Help online therapy I hear advertised on NPR. Has anyone tried that with any success?

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'm forced to do therapy against my will and it's absolutely useless to me. My issues stem from the fact that I'm an autistic person who is in a world meant for neurotypicals. Therapists can't understand that no matter how much they tried since they're pro lifers and believe in the just world fallacy. My issues are the fact that the world isn't meant for me nor do I want to put in any effort to make it be meant for me. I just think that life isn't worth the effort and also that it's unfair that I'm forced to do things that I don't want to do. I don't want to (nor is it possible for me to) be gaslit into thinking that I should have to adapt to society no matter what and survive for as long as possible. I believe that it's society that should be adapting to me since I was born against my consent and I don't have much on my plate to be dealing with life, work, chores, responsibilities etc. If they don't want to adapt to me and give me a way to live instead of survive, they should at least give me a peaceful and guaranteed way of escaping existence but they don't even do that.

Therapy can't work on me because I'm not the problem. Society and other people are the problem, not me. I'm just different yet everybody insists that I should be the same. It's sickening

I hear you. Sorry you're forced into therapy. And forced to be alive.

I don't like the idea of having to fit in either. I suppose I'm still trying to gaslight myself into believing I can belong, in order to enjoy life.

Thank you for taking the time to respond

This is what I wanted when I went to therapy, but I did not get this. She did that stereotypical thing, sat across from me in a small room, legs crossed, writing on a clipboard, asking "how does that make you feel". Like bitch I just spent the past 20 minutes telling you how it makes me feel. I not paying you to just have someone to vent to, I can do that to my husband for free, im paying you to tell me how to cope with this stuff. How to calm down a panic attack at work, how to respond to certain situations to keep myself calm, stuff like that. 3 visits and $800 and I was thoroughly discouraged and frustrated and quit. I've been meaning to go to a new person, preferably a psychiatrist because I think I need medication, but I live in such a small rural area. There aren't many options. I've been thinking of that Better Help online therapy I hear advertised on NPR. Has anyone tried that with any success?

Yes!! When they ask you how it feels and you just told them!

A lot of those things like ways to calm a panic attack are online available as well. Or at least, I learned from info sites and youtube video's, and it works well enough for me. Could that also help you?
Don't know about Better Help Online Therapy. Just looked it up and they don't prescribe meds though.

$800... holy shit...

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I hear you. Sorry you're forced into therapy. And forced to be alive.

It'll all be over one day but I want it to be over now as I constantly get nauseous and also get panic attacks from all of the responsibilities that society are forcefully imposing on to me. I wish I could be a neet but I unfortunately can't since there's no way for me to afford it

I don't like the idea of having to fit in either. I suppose I'm still trying to gaslight myself into believing I can belong, in order to enjoy life.

I personally don't care about belonging. I don't want to belong anywhere. I just want to be left alone by people and be in a fantasy world. I hate how boring and mundane reality is and I wish I could be in a fantasy world where everything is automatically done for me and I don't have to deal with people. I'd enjoy life I could be left alone but, since I can't, I'll just take the next best thing instead which is death. Unfortunately I don't get access to that either. Anyways, if you believe that belonging will make you enjoy life, I hope you get what you want and I wish you the best of luck

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

The idea of being in therapy gave me a lot of hope in the beginning. I had been trying to get help with my traumatization for several years, only to end up more traumatized by the public mental health system. I really thought it was my time, that I was finally going to "heal". Turns out it was the exact opposite. What happened in that room during those two years is what brought me here.