Venting hope from the thought of suicide

[Lunareonn]

im back here again, which kinda sucks but its whatever i guess

ive been having suicidal thoughts again, although on and off. ive been to psychiatrict treatment which ofc nothing came out of it because ofc, why not
i got prescribed antidepressants but they havent been doing shit for the past month or so.
i started lurking here again and found this document about how to commit suicide, and seeing all my options, i became quite hopeful.

i really wouldnt mind taking myself out at this point. im in a very poor financial situation, im constantly depressed and it feels like nobody around me understands even when i explain it to them, and some of them i cant even explain it to because they've never even been depressed in their life.

one thing i'd like to ask about people who read this, what are your thoughts about fomo when thinking of ctb? do you even consider it, or is it something you think about? personally, i dont wanna miss out on all the things i could see, most importantly hear in terms of music. but at the same time, is it really worth it to keep going when you're convinced that there's no end to this shit?

i just wanted to get some shit off my chest since I have no one else to spill my guts to without being judged, pitied, or told not to do it alongside many excuses

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally just don't wish to exist at all, I'd never miss the torturous and dreadful abomination of existence rather it's something I'd always prefer to be free from, all I want is to never suffer in this existence I always saw as a mistake ever again but of course more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, I wish you the best.

 

[Lunareonn]

I personally just don't wish to exist at all, I'd never miss the torturous and dreadful abomination of existence rather it's something I'd always prefer to be free from, all I want is to never suffer in this existence I always saw as a mistake ever again but of course more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, I wish you the best.

long time no see FuneralCry, I'm glad to see you again

I agree, I wish I was never born. It would be so much easier to just not exist at all. Snap out of existence, with nobody even remembering who I was. But the attention whore in me would want people to remember me. I wish I could do something monumental before I go but that's never gonna happen unless certain actions play out which I wouldn't wish anyone to act out

 

[sideways_spiral]

Personally, I haven't really experienced fomo over it. I experience guilt over the inconvenience and pain I would cause others, and that's probably the biggest deterrent for me.
But the fact that you do experience fomo sounds like there are experiences in life that you find interesting enough to engage in. I hope you can keep connecting to those experiences and find some meaning in them.

 

[atlanticus0_0]

i wud miss my bird and dog.

 

[Cucumberman]

i wud miss my bird and dog.

Me with my cats, dog, and hamster too.

 

[TheEndIsPeace]

There is nothing for me to miss out on anymore since I am stuck in a shithole country without any hope of escape.

 

[looking4partner]

im back here again, which kinda sucks but its whatever i guess

ive been having suicidal thoughts again, although on and off. ive been to psychiatrict treatment which ofc nothing came out of it because ofc, why not
i got prescribed antidepressants but they havent been doing shit for the past month or so.
i started lurking here again and found this document about how to commit suicide, and seeing all my options, i became quite hopeful.

i really wouldnt mind taking myself out at this point. im in a very poor financial situation, im constantly depressed and it feels like nobody around me understands even when i explain it to them, and some of them i cant even explain it to because they've never even been depressed in their life.

one thing i'd like to ask about people who read this, what are your thoughts about fomo when thinking of ctb? do you even consider it, or is it something you think about? personally, i dont wanna miss out on all the things i could see, most importantly hear in terms of music. but at the same time, is it really worth it to keep going when you're convinced that there's no end to this shit?

i just wanted to get some shit off my chest since I have no one else to spill my guts to without being judged, pitied, or told not to do it alongside many excuses

I don't care anymore.

Plus, I am unable to keep up with those things that I used to because I developed a fight-or-flight condition so now the things that used to distract me and which I would do when stressed to feel a small amount of enjoyment trigger panic in my nervous system :(

That is a good sign if you have things to look forward to like that though. It used to be one of my motivators to not follow through on CTB.

For some reason, my condition became worse after recovering from years of suffering and it feels like I am now being punished for staying :(

(I developed a rare disorder later on in life)