suncide10
Student
- Apr 27, 2026
- 101
I have 4 days off and I hate it. I played video games for a couple of hours and got bored, what the fuck am I suppossed to do the next 3.5 days?
So now I sit at my desk, thinking how much I hate my life, myself and everything. I feel so empty, I don't know what I want, I have no energy to do anything and I feel so lonely.
Work helps to forget about my life for a while, at work I get to talk with people and even though it's usually work related it makes feel a bit better. I could take extra shifts to work everyday but it's physical labor and I need rest.
I live with my parents, and I don't love them, this house is filled with so many memories that I just can't not feel depressed. I could try to move out but I am scared to be completely alone, and this would make me feel even more lonely. I don't know what the fuck should I do. I would really love to try therapy but it's not easy for me because I live in a very small town and I'd need to travel for a few hours to get to the nearest big city where I could potentially find a therapist, and also I'd have to explain to my parents where I'm going to and I don't want them to know about my struggles.
I wish I could start a new life in another country where I don't know anyone and go no contact with my family.
I didn't think of suicide so much lately, but now again I hope to die in my sleep. I'm tired of these mood swings between numb and very sad. One thing I hate about me is that I can't process almost any of my emotions, when my friend killed himself years ago I didn't feel anything, sometimes I want to cry because I'm sad and I can't, I can't feel happy and excited when something good happens. I don't understand myself, I don't who I am, I tried many things in my life and never had success in any of them.
So now I sit at my desk, thinking how much I hate my life, myself and everything. I feel so empty, I don't know what I want, I have no energy to do anything and I feel so lonely.
Work helps to forget about my life for a while, at work I get to talk with people and even though it's usually work related it makes feel a bit better. I could take extra shifts to work everyday but it's physical labor and I need rest.
I live with my parents, and I don't love them, this house is filled with so many memories that I just can't not feel depressed. I could try to move out but I am scared to be completely alone, and this would make me feel even more lonely. I don't know what the fuck should I do. I would really love to try therapy but it's not easy for me because I live in a very small town and I'd need to travel for a few hours to get to the nearest big city where I could potentially find a therapist, and also I'd have to explain to my parents where I'm going to and I don't want them to know about my struggles.
I wish I could start a new life in another country where I don't know anyone and go no contact with my family.
I didn't think of suicide so much lately, but now again I hope to die in my sleep. I'm tired of these mood swings between numb and very sad. One thing I hate about me is that I can't process almost any of my emotions, when my friend killed himself years ago I didn't feel anything, sometimes I want to cry because I'm sad and I can't, I can't feel happy and excited when something good happens. I don't understand myself, I don't who I am, I tried many things in my life and never had success in any of them.
