Intellectualizing my emotions. Forming a narrative that I integrate into my identity.
I think most threads are started by a specific anxiety or sorrow. I have the feeling many threads are driven by the fear of not being smart enough or the anxiety of not being able to produce something insightful. It is an identity and self-worth issue. The SaSu readers are my audience my big other that acknowledge my work and that grant me the feeling of being deep and worthwhile.
I think it is partly about atttention. But actually I don't think my goal is to get as much attention as possible. For that my topics are too niche. I am catering to a very specific audience. People who feel lonely, inside their head too much, wanting to experience someone's else mind and consciousness, sad people looking for a distraction.
I have the feeling many threads of mine follow a script.
I share a personal story. Sometimes an event that made me think or an acute crisis. I explain how overwhelming all of this is and in my attempt to write it down I try to process it. Sending post feels sometimes cathartic. I could imagine I re-experience traumatic events again when I write them down. But I am able to explain and contextualize them so that I find my peace with them. Or at least I try that. I think sometimes when a thread touches a nerve writing it down can be draining, emotionally strung, an even reinforce my anxiety. But when I find the end of a thread. I can say look at this world. This is my thread, this is my life and these are my feelings. Sometimes it makes it easier to let go off something. But when it is something really acute I also wait for feedback because any reply could be able to comfort me and live through the moment. And replies hit harder if it is feedback by another fellow sufferer.
I think most threads are started by a specific anxiety or sorrow. I have the feeling many threads are driven by the fear of not being smart enough or the anxiety of not being able to produce something insightful. It is an identity and self-worth issue. The SaSu readers are my audience my big other that acknowledge my work and that grant me the feeling of being deep and worthwhile.
I think it is partly about atttention. But actually I don't think my goal is to get as much attention as possible. For that my topics are too niche. I am catering to a very specific audience. People who feel lonely, inside their head too much, wanting to experience someone's else mind and consciousness, sad people looking for a distraction.
I have the feeling many threads of mine follow a script.
I share a personal story. Sometimes an event that made me think or an acute crisis. I explain how overwhelming all of this is and in my attempt to write it down I try to process it. Sending post feels sometimes cathartic. I could imagine I re-experience traumatic events again when I write them down. But I am able to explain and contextualize them so that I find my peace with them. Or at least I try that. I think sometimes when a thread touches a nerve writing it down can be draining, emotionally strung, an even reinforce my anxiety. But when I find the end of a thread. I can say look at this world. This is my thread, this is my life and these are my feelings. Sometimes it makes it easier to let go off something. But when it is something really acute I also wait for feedback because any reply could be able to comfort me and live through the moment. And replies hit harder if it is feedback by another fellow sufferer.
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