Hi Im new - a little about me.

[darknesstakeme]

hi everyone,
I dont really know if anyone cares, but I just wanted to vent a little about my struggles and my reasoning for wanting to CTB.

Im diagnosed BPD and have struggled for nearly 10+ years of my life trying to fight the urges and keep going. I SH regulary and i try to do everything right, take my meds even go to
Therapy. Im a victim of rpe and have attempted twice before but I promised
My mother, the only person who truly cared for
Me that I would not try again, However she passed 3+ years ago now, and since then I started researching and planning.

Everyday is a battle and Ive finally got my method - hanging/partial, I found this site and will be using the next few days to make sure I have everything I need to make sure its 100% fullproof.

I just wanted to say thankyou for creating this space as so many irl want you to feel guilty or wrong for wanting to ctb, but who are they to say that living is worth all this suffering?

I may post questions/ask for reasurance a lot im sorry thats just my way of making sure everything is right,
Thanks H x

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome to SaSu!

 

[TheHolySword]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that life has brought you here, but I hope you are able to find some solace in this community. We'll be here while you still are.

 

[Roadrunner]

Welcome

 

[waistcoat]

I'm deeply sorry life has brought you here. I hope you find solace in our community. Please don't feel pressured to follow through with what you have shared here - it is always okay to change your mind.

 

[darknesstakeme]

Welcome to SaSu!

thankyou x

I'm deeply sorry life has brought you here. I hope you find solace in our community. Please don't feel pressured to follow through with what you have shared here - it is always okay to change your mind.

Thankyou.. Im also sorry that life has been cruel to everyone here, Thankyou for saying its okay to change my mind too however i dont know if i will ever want too x

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that life has brought you here, but I hope you are able to find some solace in this community. We'll be here while you still are.

Thankyou, I will try to be here for anyone who needs someone too x

Welcome

Thankyou x

 

[GuppyBoyo]

regarding the hanging methods:
-partial hanging can fail to reasons outside of your control, since you're so close to the floor your body's convulsions might cause you to depress the noose making the entire attempt fail, when i attempted 3 years ago my unconscious body managed to right itself up, completely removing the pressure on my neck and causing me to regain consciousness
-full suspension can only be made reliable if the drop breaks your neck, and still. it hurts a lot

 

[darknesstakeme]

hello, Yes i did a deep dive on partial and regardless of getting positioning right on your catorids rather than jugular its still possible for your body to correct yourself :( however I did find a thread that had numerous successful attempts shown.
With full suspesion it was going to be my second failing partial, Im not concerned of the pain - its more so finding the right place for it to be possible.
I have also looked into the SN method but it takes too long with too many factors, I dont want to wait any longer than i have too x

regarding the hanging methods:
-partial hanging can fail to reasons outside of your control, since you're so close to the floor your body's convulsions might cause you to depress the noose making the entire attempt fail, when i attempted 3 years ago my unconscious body managed to right itself up, completely removing the pressure on my neck and causing me to regain consciousness
-full suspension can only be made reliable if the drop breaks your neck, and still. it hurts

 

[DarknessWave]

Welcome to the site!

 

[deadbidaylight]

Full suspension is 100% lethal if you are not found in time. The only difference is how quickly you fall unconscious. If you hit your carotids, it's within seconds. If not, you suffocate, which is much worse, but still lethal.

Welcome to SS. I'm sorry that you're here, but we welcome you just the same. I hope you can find solace in the community while you're here. Please ask questions. It's a safe space here, and we will never judge.

 

[davidtorez]

hi everyone,
I dont really know if anyone cares, but I just wanted to vent a little about my struggles and my reasoning for wanting to CTB.

Im diagnosed BPD and have struggled for nearly 10+ years of my life trying to fight the urges and keep going. I SH regulary and i try to do everything right, take my meds even go to
Therapy. Im a victim of rpe and have attempted twice before but I promised
My mother, the only person who truly cared for
Me that I would not try again, However she passed 3+ years ago now, and since then I started researching and planning.

Everyday is a battle and Ive finally got my method - hanging/partial, I found this site and will be using the next few days to make sure I have everything I need to make sure its 100% fullproof.

I just wanted to say thankyou for creating this space as so many irl want you to feel guilty or wrong for wanting to ctb, but who are they to say that living is worth all this suffering?

I may post questions/ask for reasurance a lot im sorry thats just my way of making sure everything is right,
Thanks H x

Sad to read your story. But happy your amongst fellow sufferers on this forum !

 

[darknesstakeme]

Welcome to the site!

Thankyou! X

Full suspension is 100% lethal if you are not found in time. The only difference is how quickly you fall unconscious. If you hit your carotids, it's within seconds. If not, you suffocate, which is much worse, but still lethal.

Welcome to SS. I'm sorry that you're here, but we welcome you just the same. I hope you can find solace in the community while you're here. Please ask questions. It's a safe space here, and we will never judge.

Yes thats what Ive been led to believe, and that it might even be a good idea to practice a few times.
Thankyou very much x

Sad to read your story. But happy your amongst fellow sufferers on this forum !

Thankyou - im glad to have found somewhere that doesnt ban you immediately for showing any signs of MH x

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot, it's just so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing but anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you search for.

 

[darknesstakeme]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot, it's just so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing but anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you search for.

I think all of us have suffered to be here, but sometimes its nice to be validated rather than 'you're so strong, things will get better bla bla bla' So thankyou very much x

 

[twilightSparriw]

hi everyone,
I dont really know if anyone cares, but I just wanted to vent a little about my struggles and my reasoning for wanting to CTB.

Im diagnosed BPD and have struggled for nearly 10+ years of my life trying to fight the urges and keep going. I SH regulary and i try to do everything right, take my meds even go to
Therapy. Im a victim of rpe and have attempted twice before but I promised
My mother, the only person who truly cared for
Me that I would not try again, However she passed 3+ years ago now, and since then I started researching and planning.

Everyday is a battle and Ive finally got my method - hanging/partial, I found this site and will be using the next few days to make sure I have everything I need to make sure its 100% fullproof.

I just wanted to say thankyou for creating this space as so many irl want you to feel guilty or wrong for wanting to ctb, but who are they to say that living is worth all this suffering?

I may post questions/ask for reasurance a lot im sorry thats just my way of making sure everything is right,
Thanks H x

Don't be sorry for asking or trying to find reassurance… your writings will be read and answered.

 

[darknesstakeme]

Don't be sorry for asking or trying to find reassurance… your writings will be read and answered.

Thankyou very much - im thankful for this space where I can be honest and be heard x

 

[kimcoffee_]

Best of luck in your choice

 

[bloomingdahlia_]

Hi, and welcome! :)

 

[darknesstakeme]

Thankyou very much, and sorry that life has brought you here too - but im glad theres a space for us x

 

[bloomingdahlia_]

Thankyou very much, and sorry that life has brought you here too - but im glad theres a space for us x

yeah, im glad we found a space that allows us to freely express our struggles too <3