• Hey Guest,

    If you want to donate, we have a thread with updated donation options here at this link: About Donations

FireFox

FireFox

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2020
1,371
Hello everyone

Remember me i just one day left the forum because I had doubts and wanted to give life a chance. I thought everyone found my posts annoying. It didn't work out .

I joined an online depression forum called dealing with depression which allows people with depression to come together. The forum users are mainly British women 30-40+ and there male users as well . I got banned from the forum and my ban is for life.
The women on the forum didn't listen at all.
I mentioned on the forum i wished I died of covid19 because i dont deserve to be alive( i wish i didn't think like this). Seeing a doctors and nurses die i felt like dont deserve to be here. The medical people are good people and so much to live for.

One of the women she wrote"my cousin died of covid19 and he never got to say goodbye you dont know what you are talking about"
The same woman attacked me saying " i wish i was young, had a law degree and a family who cared for me"
The women constantly kept saying go see your gp and book appointment. They said i need to "fight" to get treatment and i have "been looking for excuses"
I live in area in which mental health services are appalling. In my area the waiting list for therapy is 10 months and you cant quickly move up the list. There is nothing that can be done. I have tried in the past. UK mental health system is the worst.
The women had dysfunctional relationships with family and partners i noticed as well by reading their posts.

I got banned for saying Caroline flack suicide media attention made my suicidal thoughts worse because seeing all the loving tributes i began to feel people care if you die and remember all the good things about you. The moderator restricted my account and said my posts needed to be approved only. After applying to have my account deleted i cant make another one.

After being banned from the forum i began to miss the SS forum a lot. Everyone here on the SS forum listens to you and nobody judges you. Everyone here is real

When i entered this forum i saw people here as strangers on the other side of the world now you became my friends.
Everyone here i see as a friend i can express myself in a way the outside world wont let me
On the outside world i am alone. My family dont listen , my friends have their lives together. I stopped talking to my friends because I dont have job and on benefits. It is humiliating.
I got shamed by Macdonalds delivery man for not having a job. He told me i "should be working " and questionined me for not driving. He so bloody patronising

I am 23 and have nothing to show for my life. The pressure to have it together is too much.

I wanted to live i really did but cant cope with the outside world. If i was helped to create a routine, find my purpose, be a real adult and just helped to deal with my self loathing. If i was helped to live i wouldn't feel suicidal. I realise now i dont belong here in this world.

All i ever wanted was to make the world a better place and be a in a relationship with a man who deeply loved me for me.
I dont know my purpose in life anymore. The lockdown has shown me i am a failure. I am not a superhero doctor or a nurse or someone high profile. I am nothing. I am nothing. Seeing people my age moving out of their homes, getting married, being famous due to activism or getting in to high office.

I dont belong in this world. I feel empty and would give anything to be happy again.
All i want for Christmas is to be happy i said this to my stepdad last year he thought i was joking.

I am all on my own .
You are all my friends and some of you are also see the older siblings i have always wanted.

I dont want to see the next 10 years of my life. The future scares me too much.

Love
Firefox
 
Last edited:
M

mikenoir

To cheer upon death: to see life as more beautiful
Nov 3, 2020
119
Who designed the site?

I love the format. It is so beautiful.
Well done to whoever designed it.
The pro-life movement. ;)
 
Silver

Silver

The 21st century is when everything changes
Aug 8, 2020
745
I relate to your post, although I'm older than you, but watched as everyone else but me seems to have a successful life. NHS help is superficial and involves months-long waiting lists, and any other help is just geared to get you in ANY job because everyone knows having a job is important to mental health, right? :notsure: Nobody ever seems to think that working might make your mental health worse...

If you wanted to use your degree you could use it to move into healthcare, if that is what you want. @wonderworld is doing some kind of shortcut into being an assistant physician and hasn't got a medical degree.
 
Lost in a Dream

Lost in a Dream

He/him - Metal head
Feb 22, 2020
1,673
Welcome back to SS! I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience at the other place you went to.

One would expect a site that is dedicated to recovery and defeating depression would be more supportive, but they seem to be so dogmatic in their pro-life thinking that they practically threw you out on the street because you couldn't magically get better over night. It's just a good thing there was a safer and more welcoming place to turn to.

Here at SS, the door is always open to everyone who needs it. The comfort food we keep in the kitchen isn't the most healthy, but we're still going to share it!
 
  • Love
Reactions: FireFox
muffin222

muffin222

Enlightened
Mar 31, 2020
1,188
Welcome back :heart: I'm so sorry things went south on the other forum. This community is definitely unique and supportive
 
  • Love
Reactions: FireFox
Brink

Brink

Exhausted. RadHomo.
Feb 11, 2020
625
I'm so sorry to hear things haven't been going your way since leaving SS. I really hoped things were on the up for you.

It's such a shame that those who suffer in life were just as silencing and judgmental towards you as people IRL often are. It's a sad state of affairs that here is the only place that we find any sense of understanding.

An early and prolonged quatre-life crisis and never really finding your feet in a world of superficial social media is harsh and not easy to navigate at all. I really hope there are routes forward you can discover.

Feel free to reach out at any time @FireFox. xx
 
PapaSuicide

PapaSuicide

Student
Oct 27, 2020
117
Welcome back @FireFox ! I hope you find support when you need it!
 
grungeCat

grungeCat

Awkward & weird
Jul 5, 2020
1,110
Welcome back friend! The fact that people here aren't judgmental is something I love the most about this site too! Everyone understands each other and no stupid & unnecessary censorship is done... this is something I haven't seen anywhere else. I have been also banned in several depression forums for not speaking what admins wanted me to. That's why I will stick to this place as long as I can.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: FireFox
FireFox

FireFox

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2020
1,371
Welcome back friend! The fact that people here aren't judgmental is something I love the most about this site too! Everyone understands each other and no stupid & unnecessary censorship is done... this is something I haven't seen anywhere else. I have been also banned in several depression forums for not speaking what admins wanted me to. That's why I will stick to this place as long as I can.
grungeCat
You too as well

I found depression forums not very helpful. I experienced the same issue with the admins. The admin of the site on the depression forum i used her life is dysfunctional. She had postnatal depression in 3 of her pregnanices. Her husband wanted her to abort on her pregnancies and even doubted her love for her. The husband even ignored the children
The husband suffers from severe depression and anxiety and paranoia

She still stayed with him anyway and went through the pregnancy on her own. She used to be a teacher til she became too ill work. This was the woman who banned me from her site.

Here i am free to talk. Everyone is honest and so real
Welcome back to SS! I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience at the other place you went to.

One would expect a site that is dedicated to recovery and defeating depression would be more supportive, but they seem to be so dogmatic in their pro-life thinking that they practically threw you out on the street because you couldn't magically get better over night. It's just a good thing there was a safer and more welcoming place to turn to.

Here at SS, the door is always open to everyone who needs it. The comfort food we keep in the kitchen isn't the most healthy, but we're still going to share it!
Lost in a dream
It was not even a religious site. The way the site works is their a group of people who talk about their depression as a support community. The people on the group would talk about their day etc.
My views are quite controversial regarding mental health system uk and other stuff. The people on the site didn't think the way i do.

Some of the women just didnt get it. I mentioned during a recession it will be hard for young people like myself to get jobs because employers want people with years of experience. I mentioned being unemployed you do feel powerless because your application is in the hands of one person

One of the ladies said i am just using the pandemic as an excuse.
I criticised her and the other ladies accused me of attacking her . I didn't even attack her. She attacked me the most
She attacked me by saying
"I wish i was young and had a law degree and a caring family " her comment smacks of jealousy.
She went on further to accuse me of "self-pity"

I genuinely feel powerless. I wish i didn't but i do.
Welcome back :heart: I'm so sorry things went south on the other forum. This community is definitely unique and supportive
Muffin222
It wasn't just the online community it was other things as well.
-3 months ago I got shamed by a McDonald's delivery driver for not working . I opened the door for the man. He asked me if I was working and how old i was
I told him i was 23 and i answered no
He said " you should be working " he said it in the most patronising/lecturing tone.
- England went in to lockdown again in November. During the second lockdown i felt my life was over. The best years of my life are gone. The longer this covid19 thing drags along the less opportunities for work and travel as well.
I feel like the lockdown was all for nothing because the virus is still here and it never went away. All lockdowns do is delay the inevitable
- Everyday i feel like my life is nothing but a failure. I don't deserve to be alive
 
Last edited:

Similar threads

cantthinkofusername
Replies
10
Views
363
Recovery
Bannana
Bannana
O
Replies
1
Views
90
Offtopic
Spectre
Spectre
kiiyaa
Replies
3
Views
176
Suicide Discussion
wondering&wandering
wondering&wandering
angryoceanlover
Replies
0
Views
84
Suicide Discussion
angryoceanlover
angryoceanlover
annxietty
Replies
1
Views
168
Suicide Discussion
Carcass
Carcass