Hey im laura

[Hibernation]

Don't know where to start so I'll start here. I'm not new I've been on here a while, but don't really post. Everyday I get the thought in my head I don't want to be here, I want to kill myself. I have a 10 year old and I work at a care home with people that have disabilites. I see how there life is everyday and think God I don't want to be like that. I take sertraline but I don't know if it's numbing me or I'm too scared to feel anymore. I have a 10 year old daughter and I guess she's hitting her teens early and I'm struggling to cope with her. I have a supportive family but I'm going through the motions. I have friends but it's very one sided if I don't make the effort they won't. The same for men I've been cheated on used for sex and just can't seem to have a normal loving relationship so I give up. Forever alone. I've been looking at online sites purely for sex but I can't go through with it I feel I'm revealing too much of myself or that stupidly I'll be raped. All I want is some sort of connection and not to feel alone anymore. I've started isolating myself and everyday I wake up thinking of new ways to kill myself I watched a YouTube video the other day about how to poison yourself but I don't fancy eating a whole tube of toothpaste or drinking eye drops. I can't walk up the stairs atm without thinking of hanging myself or being in wilkos looking at rope. I just want a peaceful way to ctb and to just feel at peace. Thankyou for reading.

Don't know where to start so I'll start here. I'm not new I've been on here a while, but don't really post. Everyday I get the thought in my head I don't want to be here, I want to kill myself. I have a 10 year old and I work at a care home with people that have disabilites. I see how there life is everyday and think God I don't want to be like that. I take sertraline but I don't know if it's numbing me or I'm too scared to feel anymore. I have a 10 year old daughter and I guess she's hitting her teens early and I'm struggling to cope with her. I have a supportive family but I'm going through the motions. I have friends but it's very one sided if I don't make the effort they won't. The same for men I've been cheated on used for sex and just can't seem to have a normal loving relationship so I give up. Forever alone. I've been looking at online sites purely for sex but I can't go through with it I feel I'm revealing too much of myself or that stupidly I'll be raped. All I want is some sort of connection and not to feel alone anymore. I've started isolating myself and everyday I wake up thinking of new ways to kill myself I watched a YouTube video the other day about how to poison yourself but I don't fancy eating a whole tube of toothpaste or drinking eye drops. I can't walk up the stairs atm without thinking of hanging myself or being in wilkos looking at rope. I just want a peaceful way to ctb and to just feel at peace. Thankyou for reading.

I realise I'm repeating myself sorry about that!

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. Life is just so horrible. I also get thoughts all the time of not wanting to be alive. We all deserve a peaceful way to ctb, we should not have to resort to methods that could fail and are painful. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[miserableforever]

Don't know where to start so I'll start here. I'm not new I've been on here a while, but don't really post. Everyday I get the thought in my head I don't want to be here, I want to kill myself. I have a 10 year old and I work at a care home with people that have disabilites. I see how there life is everyday and think God I don't want to be like that. I take sertraline but I don't know if it's numbing me or I'm too scared to feel anymore. I have a 10 year old daughter and I guess she's hitting her teens early and I'm struggling to cope with her. I have a supportive family but I'm going through the motions. I have friends but it's very one sided if I don't make the effort they won't. The same for men I've been cheated on used for sex and just can't seem to have a normal loving relationship so I give up. Forever alone. I've been looking at online sites purely for sex but I can't go through with it I feel I'm revealing too much of myself or that stupidly I'll be raped. All I want is some sort of connection and not to feel alone anymore. I've started isolating myself and everyday I wake up thinking of new ways to kill myself I watched a YouTube video the other day about how to poison yourself but I don't fancy eating a whole tube of toothpaste or drinking eye drops. I can't walk up the stairs atm without thinking of hanging myself or being in wilkos looking at rope. I just want a peaceful way to ctb and to just feel at peace. Thankyou for reading.

I realise I'm repeating myself sorry about that!

If you need someone to talk, I'm a female with 2 kids and I can very much relate.

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

I have a 10 year old boy and have been a single parent for about 8 years. I feel for you. I too don't think I've really figured out my place in the world and have been going through the motions for years. And as difficult as it was, covid utterly destroyed my support network and on top of that having to home school drove me crazy. Unfortunately I don't really have advice or a solution for you, but I can relate and say I respect you for doing what you can as a single parent. If you want to vent or someone to talk to, I'm more than willing to help out another single parent.

 

[Quantum Particle]

Life seems very hard for you but reading your post it seems your doing an amazing job. Working while bringing up a child is such hard work and it may seem impossible but try and make a bit of time for yourself, you deserve it. I suppose a lot of your friends will have a partner to help them and they will try and relate to your situation but in reality they don't come close to your work and stress output. Don't feel under appreciated, next time your at Wilko forget the rope and get a large cup of sweets instead. Stay safe

 

[Greenberg]

Don't know where to start so I'll start here. I'm not new I've been on here a while, but don't really post. Everyday I get the thought in my head I don't want to be here, I want to kill myself. I have a 10 year old and I work at a care home with people that have disabilites. I see how there life is everyday and think God I don't want to be like that. I take sertraline but I don't know if it's numbing me or I'm too scared to feel anymore. I have a 10 year old daughter and I guess she's hitting her teens early and I'm struggling to cope with her. I have a supportive family but I'm going through the motions. I have friends but it's very one sided if I don't make the effort they won't. The same for men I've been cheated on used for sex and just can't seem to have a normal loving relationship so I give up. Forever alone. I've been looking at online sites purely for sex but I can't go through with it I feel I'm revealing too much of myself or that stupidly I'll be raped. All I want is some sort of connection and not to feel alone anymore. I've started isolating myself and everyday I wake up thinking of new ways to kill myself I watched a YouTube video the other day about how to poison yourself but I don't fancy eating a whole tube of toothpaste or drinking eye drops. I can't walk up the stairs atm without thinking of hanging myself or being in wilkos looking at rope. I just want a peaceful way to ctb and to just feel at peace. Thankyou for reading.

I realise I'm repeating myself sorry about that!

Thank you for sharing. The human condition -- in general -- can be summarized in 2-words: Chronic struggles. At its worse, it is disheartening, unfair, and painful; at its best, there is elation, ecstasy, and contentment. Many of us can certainly empathize with your situation and hope that it will improve in time. You are among friends here. Best wishes, G

 

[restforeternity]

Don't know where to start so I'll start here. I'm not new I've been on here a while, but don't really post. Everyday I get the thought in my head I don't want to be here, I want to kill myself. I have a 10 year old and I work at a care home with people that have disabilites. I see how there life is everyday and think God I don't want to be like that. I take sertraline but I don't know if it's numbing me or I'm too scared to feel anymore. I have a 10 year old daughter and I guess she's hitting her teens early and I'm struggling to cope with her. I have a supportive family but I'm going through the motions. I have friends but it's very one sided if I don't make the effort they won't. The same for men I've been cheated on used for sex and just can't seem to have a normal loving relationship so I give up. Forever alone. I've been looking at online sites purely for sex but I can't go through with it I feel I'm revealing too much of myself or that stupidly I'll be raped. All I want is some sort of connection and not to feel alone anymore. I've started isolating myself and everyday I wake up thinking of new ways to kill myself I watched a YouTube video the other day about how to poison yourself but I don't fancy eating a whole tube of toothpaste or drinking eye drops. I can't walk up the stairs atm without thinking of hanging myself or being in wilkos looking at rope. I just want a peaceful way to ctb and to just feel at peace. Thankyou for reading.

I realise I'm repeating myself sorry about that!

Don't be sorry, it a great place to vent here.... I hear where you are coming from...I feel the same too. I could use some human interaction from time to time but even so they're not always going to be around whenever shit hits the fan. I've come to terms that I will die a widow. It just seems like I'll never be able to or know what it's like to be in a healthy and loving relationship. I know what its like to be in a one sided relationship and it gets tiring. I stopped the whole cycle of run/chase dynamic and Im just done with being so bothersome. Just done with connecting with anyone. I just can't relate to anyone in real life other than strangers here.

I have dependants too and that on its own has been the biggest and most challenging part of my life. I'm worried that I'm hanging on to a really thin thread and one day it just might snap. I just don't have a well orchestrated plan. I don't want to traumatize my loved ones after what we've all been through. Ideally I wouldn't really like an early natural death.

 

[Conker]

Don't be sorry, it a great place to vent here.... I hear where you are coming from...I feel the same too. I could use some human interaction from time to time but even so they're not always going to be around whenever shit hits the fan. I've come to terms that I will die a widow. It just seems like I'll never be able to or know what it's like to be in a healthy and loving relationship. I know what its like to be in a one sided relationship and it gets tiring. I stopped the whole cycle of run/chase dynamic and Im just done with being so bothersome. Just done with connecting with anyone. I just can't relate to anyone in real life other than strangers here.

I have dependants too and that on its own has been the biggest and most challenging part of my life. I'm worried that I'm hanging on to a really thin thread and one day it just might snap. I just don't have a well orchestrated plan. I don't want to traumatize my loved ones after what we've all been through. Ideally I wouldn't really like an early natural death.