Hesitation to do it?

[PrincessInWhite]

Does anybody else struggle with knowing that their illness is so complex the chances of a normal and happy life are very, very slim but still cling to hope? And overall you want to die but when it comes down to planning the details you start to think of all the stupid little things you will miss, even though you know very well those things are not enough to build a life? Between this annoying clinging to hope and my desire to shield the 5 people who will truly be forever affected by my death, it keeps stopping me, but I am so tired of suffering.

I guess I just needed to know I'm not alone, and how others are dealing...

(to be transparent, I have tried medications, treatment programs, therapies, etc. Maybe I could be working harder at my recovery, who knows. But I really find it harder and harder to find it in me to keep fighting SO hard for a life that doesn't even live up to my standards)

 

[Herbalpompano75]

Oh big time I think one of the biggest reasons I don't is cause I don't want to hurt anyone and I can't just not know what could happen maybe I do achieve my goals maybe I become everything I've ever wanted and I become happy but there is also a part of me that understands that my life ain't getting better it's always going to be like this up and down one sec I feel great and the next in ready to go but I think for me I have to be angry and not sad if I'm a angry I'll get ready and scream and pull the trigger and I'll probably do it tonight and most likely in front of someone that really hurt me so they can feel that pain and they will realize what they really did to me