Venting Hesitant to die

[DarkRose]

Hey,

A few months ago I was certain I wanted to die.
I ordered SN and have it next to me.
I could CTB at any moment. But now suddenly I am hesitant.
I am scared I might miss out something or regret it.
Now that I have my exit I'm hesitating and I don't know what to do.
If I don't do it now I know I will in the future because for now everything is good but my future isn't.
so why not just do it now?

 

[Deo volente]

I think it is perfectly natural that you would keep living if you have both a good means of dying and a situation in which "right now everything is good."

The standard human mode is to keep living. It is just biology. To ask why not die now because eventually I will have to end it doesn't make much sense. Like asking if I have to go to bed tonight why not just go now. If there is no reason to do it and it is not the right time, the question is why would you? Not, Why wouldn't I?

Also, I think its normal for the calculation to change when you have your method ready. Feeling trapped in your life can be a strong motivation to die and escape. When you have your method, its like getting a key to the exit which makes living on easier.

Lastly, it's pointless to worry about yourself after you are gone. Once you die you won't be alive to miss or regret anything. All that really makes a difference is whatever you are leaving behind.

Good luck. I hope you can find your way out from the turmoil.

 

[peacetime]

I ordered my sn and will keep it ready for when i feel like it. But theres no need to force it. I think when I have it, I will feel good knowibf I have an exit

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that after all, only you know when it's the right time to leave this world. But at least you have the option of a way out so you aren't so trapped here. I think that those who have a reliable poison by their side right now are so incredibly fortunate. But anyway, best of luck.