help

[redemption]

i feel like my boyfriend is tired of me... my boyfriend is autistic so i know he has issues with expressing his feelings but i need constant reassurance and when he can't talk or when he's just not in the mood to deal with me i get so fucked up. i feel like a puppet. my whole happiness is dependant on how he treats me. but i can't leave him. i love him so much and i'm sure he loves me too but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. i just try convincing myself it's okay but i can't bear it anymore. it's so stressful. even if i've had the best day, if he says something that even hurts my feelings a little, i have a whole breakdown and my mood changes completely. i don't want him to leave me. when i try talking to him about it he just says "oh sorry" and just ignores me.. even when we're together in real life he never wants to do anything. when i ask him if we can do something after classes he always says no and it fucks me up. i always wanna be with him. i don't know why but i've had this with a lot of relationships (platonic and romantic). i just rely on 1 person and that person controls my emotions without them knowing it. i don't know what's going on... can anyone help?

i suffer from trich too and when he does something that upsets me i go in crazy episodes where i pull anywhere i can. eyelashes, hair on my head, everything. i dont know how to stop.

 

[juxtajuno]

i don't know the full circumstances of your relationship and i don't want to act like i do, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

i understand dealing with someone who has autism, i am autistic too and occasionally have a great deal of problems expressing my own emotions. this... doesn't really sound like that, though. if he's constantly dismissing you, doesn't want to spend time with you, and doesn't like indulging in conversation with you, then i would try to talk to him about why he's acting this way. i'm deeply sorry to hear that your relationship with your boyfriend is so troubled, though. i've had one or two past relationships that were exactly like this.

again, i would try to have a conversation with him about why he seems to be ignoring you. sometimes it can end up being a misunderstanding because of how anxious we are and how often we overthink things, but other times it could be an underlying issue. don't make any brash decisions, just take the time to see how he feels and whether you can fix what's happening. i wish you two the best of luck.

 

[juraviel]

what kind of help do you expect. i understand this sucks but what's your question. what can we do over the internet to help you. why don't go see a therapist?

 

[realname]

Damn I do this too and my partner is autistic so I try to think about what might be going on for them while also validating my needs
Not an easy thing to do... I feel for u

 

[Torabol]

You're setting yourself up for a life of misery if you continue leaning on other people for validation. Have a blessed day.

 

[realname]

It can suck to only have one person to rely on for support and trying to build a system around oneself outside of lovers is so difficult in this world I rarely find ppl I connect with

 

[woh6]

when i try talking to him about it he just says "oh sorry" and just ignores me..

Have you tried giving him concrete things he could do to help you feel better? He may not realize what he's doing or what to do to improve. Tell him exactly what he could do in some situations. I was kind of on the other side of this with my last partner, he told me certain things that I could do to make him feel less insecure (ex: saying ily, compliments, apologizing if I might have hurt him, etc..) I kept the list in my notes and that helped me keep it in mind.
Though if he really shows no improvement then it's best to break up or take a break. I know you love him lots and that it isn't easy, but it's also not good for you to stay in a relationship if you're just hurting yourself with it. You may also need to work a bit on yourself because in general, it isn't good to rely on any person like that. I wish you luck

 

[violetchiwawa]

Relationships take a lot of effort from both sides and are not easy. Although my girlfriend is not autistic, she is bipolar which does lend itself various mental health issues that impact our relationship. Sometimes two people who may be right for each other just are not in the right place to give each other what they need, you know?

My girlfriend and I went through a very difficult period of arguments due to our mental health that we thought we'd never break out of, what helped it was that we spent more time alone and found each of ourselves again. Being in this state of mind it is so easy to become entirely dependent on your partner as a source of happiness, but it is not sustainable nor okay. Your boyfriend is there to give you love and support yes but he is not there to care for you in the ways you should be learning to care for yourself. It takes time to grow apart from him and take care of yourself but it is worth it. There's no need to break up, simply help yourself by acknowledging how you feel, communicating it to him, and finding ways to feel better on your own.