Help Help with altered perception regarding consulting to psychologist about suicidal ideation

[blackmoldonwall]

My perception of suicide is pretty altered to think it's a normal thing (which i think is why we're here?). However, i have severe mental illness where i may not take decision. I've rationally. I've been thinking of suicide (ego-syntonic) due to hopelessness and negative feeling, but after taking medication later on i can be positive sometimes and want to keep that positiveness up a while by existing, while i do still plan on CTB one day. Problem is now i have ego-dystonic suicidal ideation which forces me to automatically think of suicide even if im "stable". I dont fear death so i cant rely on my survival instinct to actually keep me alive.

I want to consult to a psychologist about this but as the title says, i think its really normal that everyone experiences suicidal ideation so it would be unnecessary to go to a psychologist (even if im referred to, by my psychiatrist).

I need help to get my mindset changed on how having SI isnt as normal as it may seem to me to actually get help, because ive been delaying due to thinking it is a petty complaint to bring. Also for those who has been discussing this with a psychologist, how was it and what did they generally do as a prevention?

Note, i have a problem where i see every single interaction as social script and disregard helps even from professionals due to that. Idk, my thoughts conflict one another so much that im self aware but cant fix it.