hello!

[sancsuinet]

I havent been here in a while! ive been very busy with art school and working, dont have much time to think, im writing this at 2am after i just finished a shift.
im trying to improve my mood so i can feel like im not just hovering at a 4 all the time. I have an appointment with a therapist in 3 days and i have to convince them that im fucked up enough to need therapy. im in brief intervention councilling with a sexual abuse organisation and they told me that my best bet for qualifying is to tell them what i went through with my ex and shes helping me work on getting tools to help with freezing because i cant say out loud what happened yet and i shut down when asked about it. she said im probably going to need to say dates and specific moments. this is all very new to me, i have never said what he did outloud and when i think about telling someone i start crying involuntarily. but hopefully ill be able to say it and ill qualify for long term therapy so i can get help with my mood!!
its nice to have this place to put these kinds of updates, i feel like talking about mental health often feels like a competition when talking irl.

 

[carac]

Hello, good luck with your therapy, maybe taking the time to talk here will prepare you a bit

 

[irregularreconcile]

Hello there! It's great to hear you can have access to therapy soon!

I'm also a SA survivor, and it actually really irks me that these theraputic people are demanding dates... Unless you are deciding legal action, it makes no sense to me. I would say if that is the case and this continues to occur, please look for other programs in your community/online!! I've had good experiences with therapies specialized in SA Survivors/Nonprofits, so I hope there are additional resources available to you :"^(

Even if it is a legal pursuit, maybe see about gathering more resources anyway if you can! Might be worth a shot to get more support/insight ^_^

 

[sancsuinet]

Hello there! It's great to hear you can have access to therapy soon!

I'm also a SA survivor, and it actually really irks me that these theraputic people are demanding dates... Unless you are deciding legal action, it makes no sense to me. I would say if that is the case and this continues to occur, please look for other programs in your community/online!! I've had good experiences with therapies specialized in SA Survivors/Nonprofits, so I hope there are additional resources available to you :"^(

Even if it is a legal pursuit, maybe see about gathering more resources anyway if you can! Might be worth a shot to get more support/insight ^_^

yeah! its because im trying for government funded therapy that theyre asking for specifics, the organisation im doing councilling with isnt asking anything about what happened and if i was doing councilling with them (im on their waitlist) they wouldnt need me to "qualify", by being there and asking i qualify.
government funded they need specfics because they have to document the like reasoning, idk, i dont want to follow legal action, i just want to move on

 

[Sweet Tart]

What a frustrating situation! It sounds like in order to qualify for help, you have to be open to getting re-traumatized in the intake. If they ask questions that are too distressing to answer, maybe they can meet you halfway. Like, if you say something like, "The idea of saying the story out loud makes me panic. Can I answer yes or no questions instead?" Just a thought.

Hopefully they are experienced with working with survivors of trauma and can find a way to have the conversation they need to have without forcing you to verbalize stuff that is too hard for you. I hope it will be easier and less intense than the counselor described. Tbh I've never heard of being asked to provide dates of SA, it is especially weird because it's known that trauma can fuck with a person's memory. Wishing you the best with getting the services you deserve.

 

[sancsuinet]

What a frustrating situation! It sounds like in order to qualify for help, you have to be open to getting re-traumatized in the intake. If they ask questions that are too distressing to answer, maybe they can meet you halfway. Like, if you say something like, "The idea of saying the story out loud makes me panic. Can I answer yes or no questions instead?" Just a thought.

Hopefully they are experienced with working with survivors of trauma and can find a way to have the conversation they need to have without forcing you to verbalize stuff that is too hard for you. I hope it will be easier and less intense than the counselor described. Tbh I've never heard of being asked to provide dates of SA, it is especially weird because it's known that trauma can fuck with a person's memory. Wishing you the best with getting the services you deserve.

yeah! I went to the first therapy session and she talked me through the process more, and we filled out the intake form. So she doesnt want me to talk about anything I am not comfortable talking about and the therapy doesnt have to be focused on the event at all, I can talk about anything bothering me. Its the government funding that needs dates and stuff, so we filled out the intake form which just asked for general time period and whether it was a one off or multiple events. To qualify for funding there needs to be a link between the event and some form of mental health issue that needs treating. So i have a month and a half of sessions from this week onwards that are free and I dont have to talk about anything relating to the event if I dont want to!

This is the second councillor to talk to me about disassociation, which they think I go through periods of and its the reason I dont remember most of 2020-2021. The scariest thing she told me was that there is a mandatory assessment at the end of the 6 weeks where I have to meet with a government psychiatrist/psychologist and talk to them about exactly what happened and when and how its effecting me. This is required to keep getting funding past the 6 weeks. This sounds fucking terrifying, but hopefully these next 6 weeks will help me prepare to meet with them, I also might end up getting a diagnosis for PSTD or anxiety or something else. Once that assessment is done the councillor just has to send reports and I can stay in counselling as long as I need. So it would be best for me to do it so I dont have to jump through hoops to get therapy in the future but I'm not sure if I'll be able to talk about it. I have a habit of not showing up if something scares me too much.

 

[Sweet Tart]

yeah! I went to the first therapy session and she talked me through the process more, and we filled out the intake form. So she doesnt want me to talk about anything I am not comfortable talking about and the therapy doesnt have to be focused on the event at all, I can talk about anything bothering me. Its the government funding that needs dates and stuff, so we filled out the intake form which just asked for general time period and whether it was a one off or multiple events. To qualify for funding there needs to be a link between the event and some form of mental health issue that needs treating. So i have a month and a half of sessions from this week onwards that are free and I dont have to talk about anything relating to the event if I dont want to!

This is the second councillor to talk to me about disassociation, which they think I go through periods of and its the reason I dont remember most of 2020-2021. The scariest thing she told me was that there is a mandatory assessment at the end of the 6 weeks where I have to meet with a government psychiatrist/psychologist and talk to them about exactly what happened and when and how its effecting me. This is required to keep getting funding past the 6 weeks. This sounds fucking terrifying, but hopefully these next 6 weeks will help me prepare to meet with them, I also might end up getting a diagnosis for PSTD or anxiety or something else. Once that assessment is done the councillor just has to send reports and I can stay in counselling as long as I need. So it would be best for me to do it so I dont have to jump through hoops to get therapy in the future but I'm not sure if I'll be able to talk about it. I have a habit of not showing up if something scares me too much.

You're very brave for at least planning to move forward with this despite how scary it seems. One thing that I'm sure you know but I'll say anyway- the psych doing the assessment has asked many traumatized people the same questions and is likely familiar with how people react to the questions. There is a good chance they are skilled at handling this kind of conversation with people who absolutely do not want to be talking about this stuff. It seems like a messed up policy and the psych may even feel that way, too.

You deserve the help you are seeking and I hope this goes well for you. Is there anyone you are close to who can accompany you or plan to check in with you before or after the assessment? It sounds like you have a good relationship with your counselor, and if possible, it could help to have a plan to check in with them before and after. Just some thoughts. It's 100% up to you whether it feels emotionally safe to go thru with it or not and you're free to change your mind at any time. If there's any way we can support you here, feel free to ask.