Story Hello world.

[nebulaz]

I lurked this site back in 2019. I don't know why I made an account, as I'll probably never do anything. I'm too pussy. I'm afraid of vomit so SN is out of the question, I could never make myself drink it.

I'm mid 20s, absolutely nothing wrong with my mind or body, so it's pretty depressing that money- just a silly human concept, and rules have pushed me to this point.

I've lived in poverty all my life and see no way out. The ripple effects of being poor have erased any semblance of a childhood, erased my teenhood- led me to be looked down upon, mistrusted, and subject to prejudice. They've grouped me in with people I'm nothing like. I've never been to a concert or on a vacation. I'm completely removed from normal human experiences and have nothing to talk about with others. I can't afford 500 streaming services or events, so I feel inhuman and ostracized when all people talk about is products and expensive entertainment. Every time I've tried to escape the hell of being poor, my path has been ruined and I fall right back. I don't see myself ever living how I want to live. I can't bear a life I hate so much, never travelling, never experiencing what my colleagues and friends get to experience and what life has to offer. Can't stand selling myself to lifetime debt or just suffering when I inevitably get sick. I don't own myself. I'm too old to have the fun I never had.

I'm starting with below nothing and I see middle class people still struggle, I can't do this.

2020 just pushed me to the edge, humanity is sadistic towards the poor. Nothing left but molecular breakdown. I wish to revoke this life.

 

[whywere]

1st off, WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide, my new global family member. We are a loving and caring family that has a endless supply of empathy, kindness and support for each other. My wish is that we can also help you. Again, WELCOME!! 2nd, after rereading your post, it becomes crystal clear that you are a VERY loving, caring, and thoughtful person. I am 65 years young and I was ultra poor growing up and have done ok BUT nothing fancy, just the usual, food, roof over my head and a shirt on my back. I agree with you that society judges on the aspect of economic factors, BUT you have all of your global family here now. I am not any smarter than anyone else, BUT I do have alot of life experience. and through my life I have seen people who were judgemental towards me and/or thought that I was less than them becasue of economic factors and you know what?? BANG, life would come back and hand them disappoinment, ie..what goes around comes around, and yes I have seen it through the decades. Please take good care of yourself and always know that you have your global family here to help! Walter

 

[WornOutLife]

Welcome to the ship!!

When I first signed up, I also was like: "Hey, am I sure I'm gonna ctb? Should I create an account?" and then, in spite of still being alive I'm more than happy!
You'll meet amazing people here who DO UNDERSTAND what you're going through!
As you might know, this place is not like THE REST OF THE WORLD. People here LISTEN, GIVE ADVICE, PROVIDE INFORMATION and TRY TO HELP YOU SOMEHOW.

They've helped me lots, much more than therapy and the pills I take!

Whatever you do, just enjoy your time here.

Hugs!

 

[nebulaz]

I hope so. I felt a little weird/in the minority as most people here seemed to suffer from physical/mental ailments and I've never even been to therapy- it won't change my situation. I'm generally a happyish person but the world is so ruthless in regards to money. I feel like I can't survive it.

I'm glad you're doing better though.

 

[Neowise]

Hey, welcome @molecularbreakdown!
Now I can't exactly say I am happy that you are on this forum, but I am happy to meet you
I've also been lurking the forums for a while before I created an account back in october. The people on this site are generally very nice and it is great to talk to likeminded folks that won't judge you and throw positive, pro-life phrases at your face. If you wanna get anything off your chest we are all here for you!

I'm sorry to hear that your life is so harsh. Sadly our society doesn't care who you are, they just care about what you are. The more fame and money, the more valuable is your life. Doesn't matter if you are nice and caring or something. I guess "society" is the reason most of us are here after all.
If this is too personal to you you don't have to answer, but you said every time you tried to improve your situation "your path had been ruined". Why is that?

 

[nebulaz]

I think people are just 'lucky' to be honest, it's part background and part completely random chance. I'm just 'unlucky'. If you believe in it, I might be cursed. Pure random chance has always ruined me and snowballed until I'm at rock bottom again. Really, it's just legal loopholes, family issues, and officiality issues, they all lead to each other and they're pretty specific- if you're curious I don't mind sharing in private, as anyone who knows me will recognize it's me instantly from the unique issues/complaints.

If the rest of life is like this, fuck this shit. I'm only in my 20's.. but soon I'm afraid it'll be my health- it's fine as we speak, but I have an issue that's basically a ticking time bomb. Even if I could, it's not like it's a one-off or easy treatment. Biological things have problems by nature, and the US capitalizes and preys on these problems, not to mention the fact that healthcare is far from comfortable and riddled with malpractice and mistakes. If life is bullshit officiality (that rich people are slightly more above) scrounging for scraps to survive, (that rich people don't experience) and experiencing discomfort and gradual decay as I age, it sounds like shit, and I'd rather cease to be a biological creature at all, much less a human.
I think I.. don't know how to reply on this site, but thanks for the welcome @whywere and @WornOutLife. I find myself at a loss for words but, yeah, hey. I don't know what I'm doing here but I'm here. lol.

 

[whywere]

Hi @molecularbreakdown !! You are here, because we need people like you who add warmth, understanding , and love to Sanctioned Suicide. I maybe 65 years young but to be able to have a global family member like you here to help and get help, gee a family!! is just so wonderful. AT 65 I am no smarter, heck dumber! than anyone else, BUT I do have life experience and YOU are part of the reason that I am here, for the love and warmth that only a family can provide. Sending you all my caing, love and support! Walter (yes Walter is my REAL fist name never ever anything phoney about me ever)