Venting Heartbreak and Recovery, Continued

[MoonBat]

It's been a very eventful past few days. My parents, noticing how depressed I've been sat me down and told me/effectively forced me to start contacting therapists as of Monday— no debate. I'm okay with this, I think this is a step in the right direction. I need to get my life back on track and I'm willing to accept a set back if it means it's going to propel me to where I need to be.

The problem here is that two nights ago, my ex, texted me that she had overreacted and still wanted to be with me. She wanted to see me again but also wanted to let me know that if I needed space, she'd let me have it. By all means, I should be happy about this, but I've been reflecting on how she went from initiating to saying I'm unable to have a genuine relationship in a 24 hour period. I've been deeply hurt by all this, so I texted her a huge response basically boiling down to telling her that I still love her, I saw myself spending the rest of my life with her so I could not fall out of love that quickly— despite this, I told her that I don't know if I want to pick up this relationship after all, I'm unsure if I can be in a relationship where heartbreak can happen without a moments notice and communication doesn't happen until it's too late. This is not the only time it's happened, but I want it to be the last.

I wrote her effectively a 4 page paper response, going overboard, I am well aware— but history majors do what history majors know, and that's writing a fuck ton after synthesizing information.

I'm hurt, just as soon as my life is starting to go ahead in healing, I've been thrown into a metaphorical twister. I know it won't always be this way, but God, it hasn't been this hard before in such a long time. I'm hoping to stay strong and that sooner than it may seem, I will be able to continue my course of recovery.

 

[timf]

Opening yourself up to someone is a risk. Often people will protect themselves from the pain you are experiencing by taking more time to get to know someone. This period of evaluation includes making observations of values and character such that one can increase his odds of not being hurt.

Society today can be particularly confusing if someone who wants a deep and lasting relationship meets another whose focus is on the transient. It can be from these painful encounters that one comes to appreciate the saying, "Once burned, twice shy".

It sounds like you have a capacity for great feeling, you should protect it so that it can be shared with someone who can reciprocate.