Hearing about CTB when you were a child and being confused about it

[refused]

Did anyone else hear about instances of CTB as a child and think that it was incomprehensible? I remember becoming aware of a CTB instance before the age of 11 and thinking "why would someone want to do that?" It really racked my young brain at the time.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Did anyone else hear about instances of CTB as a child and think that it was incomprehensible?

I heard the words but never thought them incompressible, tbh I never thought about what they meant it didn´t mean sense to me at all.

 

[reallysleepy]

My first memory of wanting to ctb is from when I was around 8 years old. Idk where I got to concept from tho

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I was 4 or 5 years old when I heard about a member of the church's son CTB. And yes it was difficult to wrap my head aorund. Could not fathom why anyone would want to leave a world where you can ride your bike to CVS and buy Garbage Pail Kids. 40 years later, whenever he happens to cross my mind, I just think about how lucky he is to have saved himself decades of torment and suffering.

 

[refused]

I was 4 or 5 years old when I heard about a member of the church's son CTB. And yes it was difficult to wrap my head aorund. Could not fathom why anyone would want to leave a world where you can ride your bike to CVS and buy Garbage Pail Kids. 40 years later, whenever he happens to cross my mind, I just think about how lucky he is to have saved himself decades of torment and suffering.

Extremely eerie to think back in that way. I felt similar. I thought, why would anyone want to leave a world of video games, slushies and skateboarding. I suppose I better understand now.

 

[quanxiswife]

I was suicidal as a child, so it made sense to me, but I don't think I actually knew how a person would CTB at the time lol

 

[refused]

I was suicidal as a child, so it made sense to me, but I don't think I actually knew how a person would CTB at the time lol

Terrifying feeling as a child I'd imagine (?)

 

[ClownWorld2023]

I don't remember when exactly I first heard of suicide, but I do remember I was a kid at the time.

It might have been from television, or from classmates in school (primary school) at the time.


I do remember that I've always had a neutral opinion of it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I became suicidal when I was 10, so I don't think I ever found it difficult to wrap my head around why someone would do it. My initial thoughts scared me though because I had been taught that suicide was wrong. I soon got over that in my head.

I think one of the earliest memories was seeing it referenced in the BBC series 'I Caudius.' His mother commits suicide because she waa getting old and didn't like the changes that were happening in that era. I thought it was so refreshing how acceptible it was portrayed. Of course the reality was that only certain people were permitted to do it. I must have heard about it before then but it didn't really register.

 

[Reika179]

I was around 7 when I heard about CTB from my parents conversation, I knew what it was but I didn't understand why people would CTB. I remember I didn't really think of it deeply back then tho

 

[achb]

I don't remember how I heard of it for the first time. But I do remember not thinking much of it at first. It was just something I knew existed. Unrelated to me.

It was when I started reading books with characters that struggled with suicide that it came more on my horizon. And I thought they were reasonable. Yeah, if I were being tortured with no escape, I'd want to die too. Or. All their loved ones died, I guess it's normal to want to be with them again.

And then that grew into. Wow, these characters are suffering so much. I'd just kill myself and be done with it. I don't know how they do it!

And by middle school I was in the trenches. I couldn't escape school. I couldn't escape lonliness. I wouldn't be able to escape highschool. Or college. Or working my entire life. I would suffer stress and emptiness and embarassment and shame my entire life. I wasn't a good person. I was shitty, and I didn't want to improve. I just wanted to be and do anything and everything without boundaries, but that's not a reality that exists, and even if it did, I would not be satisfied.
There was not a future I could envision where I would not want to die. Even in my books.

 

[uncat_]

I don't believe i've ever felt confused by it, although i've never had a real reason to want to end my life.
I remember first hearing about it in art class in 2nd or 3rd grade, we were talking about Van Gough. I honestly found it cool, i idolized him.
And in 5th grade my ideation of death started increasing, for seemingly no reason. I wrote on a paper "Kill me now" over and over while venting. haha

but yeah, i was never confused or frightened of the concept. i was more fascinated by it.

 

[razorblade]

I've probably know about CTB since I was a young child my parents just told me about anything really

I started wanting to at maybe 8-9 years old of course I was young so I wouldn't say it was CTB thoughts but it was more of me thinking how I just wanna die and get out of life I was a Weird kid and had undiagnosed autism until I was 10ish so I always understood why someone would want to of course I didn't really relase CTB was such a big thing at the time but I just understood that life's shit and who wouldn't wanna get out of it

 

[movinout17]

No, I never thought of CTB in that way as a kid. I didn't think of it much at all.

Side note, I must've had at least one suicidal ideation but only when distressed.
i also remember one time as a kid discovering that CTB was illegal, it wasn't clear to me why it was. I thought, people should be able to do with themselves what they want

 

[SSamGarrison]

Yeah, I don't think I was exposed to it much but the concept definitely baffled me. Same with self harm, you kinda don't understand it until you experience it for yourself

 

[f1lth]

i dont remember when i first learned about suicide but i was very young. My father was always a very troubled man and i witnessed quite a few of his spontaneous attempts at ending his life, all usually brought on by an episode he was having. My mother always stopped him in any way she could. I think she knew he wasnt in the right headspace to make such a decision, not to mention not wanting her children to see it. He always told me he was so grateful for her and that he couldnt truly imagine leaving us all behind. But when my mother died, i knew he was going to go too. Before, i didnt quite understand it, i knew it was complex. But when she died it was like everything made sense

 

[leloyon]

I was suicidal as a child, so it made sense to me, but I don't think I actually knew how a person would CTB at the time lol

Same as this, though I had internet access as a kid, so I could quickly figure it out.

 

[DyingToDie123]

When I learned about suicide as a mortal sin in Catholic school around the same age I was like "shit that's brilliant" and went home to tell my parents I was going to do it, to which they responded "don't say that" lol

 

[figurehead]

I just remember someone saying that my cousin's Art teacher had hung himself in the bathroom. Never forgot it and have thought many time about it as a method. The most striking reaction to CTB was, however, by my daughter. She was about ten and overheard me saying that I wanted to CTB. She was terrified, though I'm not to sure how much she understood from it. Learned to be more careful.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Did anyone else hear about instances of CTB as a child and think that it was incomprehensible? I remember becoming aware of a CTB instance before the age of 11 and thinking "why would someone want to do that?" It really racked my young brain at the time.

I overheard someone talk about it but I didn´t think anything of it at all I don´t even remember thinking "why would anyone do that" because it was so incomprehensible to me that my mind completely brushed it away like someone who said a sentence so wrong it was complete nonsense so I wouldn´t think about it if that makes any sense? I also was under 11 yo at the time btw. Damn to believe that I once was so innocent and happy that my mind would completely repel such a topic.

 

[fishlover]

i remember as a kid id just parrot what i was told about suicide, without knowing what it truly entailed. both my mom's dad and my dad's dad killed themselves and although she didnt actually tell me this until i was in middle school- because of my grandfathers, my mom was adamantly against suicide or even showing any kind of sadness and made that very aware all of my childhood. ("what reason do you have to be sad about anything? i give you everything in life, get it out of your head." stuff like that is what shed say.)

besides at home, i grew up in the mormon church (not religious anymore now) and they HATED suicide. the church made it very clear in sunday school that anyone who killed themself went to hell- because killing yourself was a sin and act of betrayal against god for rejecting the gift of life he gave you *eye roll*.

so, as a kid if the subject ever came up, id say stuff like "suicide is bad, whod want to do that? id never kill myself!"