Venting Having no safe method at hand is making me feel even more suicidal

[Aloken]

I just can't be here anymore. I want to end this tiring, sad existence of mine. But I don't have a safe method..my building isn't tall enough (only 7 stories) to guarantee death and I don't know how to land on my head. I could sneak out and go to a 12 story building downtown, but I'm gonna have to have access there and in the roof. Also, I can't just go multiple times to get used to it until the time comes, since I live with my parents and never go out. Also, I'm terrified of heights and have acrophobia, so, great! It seems to be my only method, so I'm gonna have to do it on my first try. Also, I don't want to have my si screaming at me "what did you do???" while falling

I don't have sn and it's difficult to get it under my circumstances. It's possible, but very difficult.

I don't have a gun, since I don't live in the US

I don't know if I have the guts to stab myself in the carotid/femoral and I can't inject lidocaine or anything like it. As a method it seems comforting, however I'm afraid of knives. But it seems comforting to have something at hand. I am afraid of open wounds, but it seems like when they're mine I don't care. I was in the hospital 2 years ago and my wounds never disgusted me, rather intrigued me.

I could od in caffeine, in theory, but it's unreliable and supposedly not a very nice experience

I could od in water, but.. Yeah, unreliable

I could drown myself since I live very close to the sea/bay, but I can only do it at night and I'm terrified of the depths of the sea, especially at night. Also, imagining my body being shallowed by the sea terrifies me.

I could try partial hanging, but I have to get it the first time since I have rosacea and I don't plan to make it worse before I leave, I've had enough. I could try full hanging and go do it somewhere outside the house, but I'm afraid I'll be found. Hanging doesn't seem like a choice for me anyway.

I just want something full proof to have at hand and do it while being over emotional, kind of impulsively. I plan to go impulsively, but with a plan. I can't just pick a date.

This post doesn't really make sense, but I just wanted to vent. I can't anymore

 

[hoffnungstod]

I can relate to it so much. Since I realized my SN does not arrive, I've had to switch to methods that make me very uncomfortable

 

[Aloken]

I can relate to it so much. Since I realized my SN does not arrive, I've had to switch to methods that make me very uncomfortable

This sucks.. I'm sorry. I hate this

 

[death137]

I really wish I've N or SN but it looks my realistic option is full hanging. But just seeing the rope terrifies me.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate. This used to me make go crazy. I just wanted a quick way out.

 

[Aloken]

I really wish I've N or SN but it looks my realistic option is full hanging. But just seeing the rope terrifies me.

Yeah, I understand.. I wish we went the way we wanted

 

[MrBlue]

I can relate, my methods are either hanging (partial/full) with a makeshift belt noose, or jumping off a bridge. Neither are very reliable and it makes me feel trapped and much worse than I would be with a better method.

 

[Aloken]

I can relate. This used to me make go crazy. I just wanted a quick way out.

Yes, it's like a worm eating me alive. Just let me die now..

I can relate, my methods are either hanging (partial/full) with a makeshift belt noose, or jumping off a bridge. Neither are very reliable and it makes me feel trapped and much worse than I would be with a better method.

Exactly. They just make our lives and deaths worse when they take the better ways from us.

 

[Trisolaris]

I'm in the same situation. Desperately want a way out and there isn't one.

 

[Mentalmick]

I wish these lousy scumbags making sn so hard to get hold of could feel how we feel for just a couple of minutes.

 

[Aloken]

I wish these lousy scumbags making sn so hard to get hold of could feel how we feel for just a couple of minutes.

Exactly, only for a couple of minutes, just to realize what they're doing and how they make us feel

I'm in the same situation. Desperately want a way out and there isn't one.

I hope you get what you need..

 

[Scotty]

I'm so sorry. It sounds really tough. I do have SN and everything to make it work, but it is not much easier to take. You really have to muster up a lot of courage to do it. That being said, it is still easier than most other methods. The difficulty with SN is the relative lack of spontaneity with the fasting and taking the other meds in stages. There is no perfect method for this imperfect world. I wish you luck.

 

[Aloken]

I'm so sorry. It sounds really tough. I do have SN and everything to make it work, but it is not much easier to take. You really have to muster up a lot of courage to do it. That being said, it is still easier than most other methods. The difficulty with SN is the relative lack of spontaneity with the fasting and taking the other meds in stages. There is no perfect method for this imperfect world. I wish you luck.

Thank you for your compassion, I appreciate it. That is true about the fasting, but I already fast intermittently for about 15 hours and by the time I would had to take it (3-4am if done at home, 6-7 am if done at a hotel) I would have fasted for at least 6 hours.. As per the meds, I would only take meto, maybe even only once before the sn