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timetodie24

Mage
Apr 14, 2023
564
I had a different ctb date planned but not method. I know when I plan I'm actually less likely to do it as too much time to chicken out. I've messed up a few things this week and it's making me want to be impulsive.
I think I can make a partial setup work tonight when I'll have house to myself for a little while. It'll have to be with a dog leash, as no time to get rope, but it's strong enough for partial. Also my front door can't be opened when someone's key is on inside so I can make sure no one gets in till they get police to break door. I could also put note on inner door so that the police see my body first not my parents. I know impulsive is not recommended but worried I don't have much longer . I am losing control of my mind and functions. Thoughts, images are being put in my mind and my thoughts are being blocked too, someone elses voice is taking over my inner voice, speaking is becoming harder as I keep losing and mixing up basic words constantly. They're taking my cognitive functions and speech abilities. What if I wait and then it's too late ? If my mind is completely taken over than I might not have a choice to ctb ? I'm losing more control over time. What if I wait a week then they stop me doing it and make me harm others instead ? It's not like i'm using a panic method, it is a one that had good success. When I'm in impulsive mood SI is less too.
__ please don't tell me to get professional help. This is real not in my head and i have explained many times that I can't and must protect others. This thread isn't about that—
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
35,287
I hope that you find peace eventually, it must be really dreadful what you are going through.
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
10,026
Good luck and all the best with whatever you decide to do! I hope you find peace!
 
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Yoyo_honeybee

Member
Apr 20, 2024
51
I'm sorry things are so difficult right now. Do you your parents know what you're going through? So it's less of a shock to them if you go through with it?

I've always been advised not to make big decisions based on impulse and that advice has turned true for me, I've regretted the majority of the decisions I made impulsively but few of the ones I planned out. So that's the advice I'll give you, but you know your situation best.

Think about what you want for a moment before you do anything, just whether you want to die or live, deep down which one do you want?
I know it must be terribly difficult for you though and I'm sorry for all the pain you're in, I hope that whatever you decide you find absolute peace, keep us updated if you can
 
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timetodie24

Mage
Apr 14, 2023
564
Thank you ❤️ @Praestat_Mori



Ugh still here and my time window closes soon as my parents will be back and can't risk doing it when I'm not alone. I wish i wasn't such a weak, pathetic, coward. Maybe once I've fully lost my mind it'll be actually be easier. But I'm worried it'll be harder they could take away my free will and make me harm someone else instead of myself .
 
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