T
timetodie24
Paragon
- Apr 14, 2023
- 903
I had a different ctb date planned but not method. I know when I plan I'm actually less likely to do it as too much time to chicken out. I've messed up a few things this week and it's making me want to be impulsive.
I think I can make a partial setup work tonight when I'll have house to myself for a little while. It'll have to be with a dog leash, as no time to get rope, but it's strong enough for partial. Also my front door can't be opened when someone's key is on inside so I can make sure no one gets in till they get police to break door. I could also put note on inner door so that the police see my body first not my parents. I know impulsive is not recommended but worried I don't have much longer . I am losing control of my mind and functions. Thoughts, images are being put in my mind and my thoughts are being blocked too, someone elses voice is taking over my inner voice, speaking is becoming harder as I keep losing and mixing up basic words constantly. They're taking my cognitive functions and speech abilities. What if I wait and then it's too late ? If my mind is completely taken over than I might not have a choice to ctb ? I'm losing more control over time. What if I wait a week then they stop me doing it and make me harm others instead ? It's not like i'm using a panic method, it is a one that had good success. When I'm in impulsive mood SI is less too.
__ please don't tell me to get professional help. This is real not in my head and i have explained many times that I can't and must protect others. This thread isn't about that—
I think I can make a partial setup work tonight when I'll have house to myself for a little while. It'll have to be with a dog leash, as no time to get rope, but it's strong enough for partial. Also my front door can't be opened when someone's key is on inside so I can make sure no one gets in till they get police to break door. I could also put note on inner door so that the police see my body first not my parents. I know impulsive is not recommended but worried I don't have much longer . I am losing control of my mind and functions. Thoughts, images are being put in my mind and my thoughts are being blocked too, someone elses voice is taking over my inner voice, speaking is becoming harder as I keep losing and mixing up basic words constantly. They're taking my cognitive functions and speech abilities. What if I wait and then it's too late ? If my mind is completely taken over than I might not have a choice to ctb ? I'm losing more control over time. What if I wait a week then they stop me doing it and make me harm others instead ? It's not like i'm using a panic method, it is a one that had good success. When I'm in impulsive mood SI is less too.
__ please don't tell me to get professional help. This is real not in my head and i have explained many times that I can't and must protect others. This thread isn't about that—
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