Having friends in a similar situation ase might actually help a lot

[bluville]

It may make me want to CTB less perhaps

I have friends but they're all pretty successful or have high potential. I enjoy talking to them but its exhausting being the least successful person in the room and getting pity platitudes when it comes up how dark my future looks. Apparently I things are going to get better eventually, but no one can say when or even point out a single thing I'm good at that isn't insanely vague ("I think you're.. smart"). Like I don't blame them there's nothing to compliment me on, but the contrast between how people talk about me vs other people is definitely CTBfuel.
No career, family, happiness in sight, but maybe if I knew someone else like me it wouldn't be that bad, I don't know.

It won't change anything in my life, but im really tired of feeling like the Ultima failure of all time because everyone around me is insanely more successful. I just wanna feel kinda okay with myself when I'm in a "safe space".

 

[miu]

i'm really sorry to hear about your experience. being compared is a shitty feeling and that constant pressure must be pressure beyond belief.

have you spoken to your friends about this? or anyone else you trust? this might sound like a cliché question, but opening up about how you feel could be the start of a brighter path (i might sound preachy af here, but i hope you know where i'm coming from). your friends are your friends for a reason - they are there to accept you for you regardless of abilities and also make you want to keep going.

of course, this is a complex situation and i'm certain that there's more to your story. that being said, from what you've described here, it sounds like you still want to do something about this - anything that might provide you with consolation, solace, comfort, etc.
if you have the drive to change your life, take that chance now. talk to someone about how you're feeling, whether it be anonymous or not.
this might be ironic coming from someone who has already given up and currently planning their suicide, and ultimately this is your decision to make.

anyway, what i'm trying to say is this:

fight while you still can

 

[FuneralCry]

It's understandable wanting to be around people who feel similarly, it must be tiring having conversations with people like that. Life really is so unnecessary cruel, but anyway I wish you the best.