Having a shitty life with privilege

[SuicidalCheese]

Just for context, I'm a non-binary natal male, I hate how I look, but who doesn't , and I live in a first-world country, my parent(s?) are(is a) mostly nice people, she's(they're?) paying my tuition, and do(es)n't care too much if I'm not doing anything illegal, but they don't believe . I've got it good, and I think that makes all my issues seem less potent. I come on this site, and I see people trying to claw their way out of Hell, and learn about people who's been through heinous, terrible moments. They have the right to be suicidal. There haven't been many bad things to happen to me. I've been SA-ed thrice, all by different people, but that's nothing compared to some of you. I have not earned the right to wish for death. But why then, do I want to die so much? I've been keeping to myself, no meds, no nothing, feeling like a pile of trash, making friends, pretending to care, when all I want to do is sleep that deep sleep of death. I've got (according to a psychologist) a little DID, a mild SAD, and nothing else (yes, I lied to a shrink about almost everything that happened to me, I don't care) . I feel numb to the world, but I haven't felt enough pain to. I was mostly fine for a while, until my father was rammed into by a bus (you can joke about most things I say, no worries) I hate that so few things happened to me to make me a mess, while so many others go through worse, but feel fine. I hate that I have some fucking privilege, because I don't deserve it. I hate that I am unworthy of feeling like this.

 

[lastappleonearth]

Just for context, I'm a non-binary natal male, I hate how I look, but who doesn't , and I live in a first-world country, my parent(s?) are(is a) mostly nice people, she's(they're?) paying my tuition, and do(es)n't care too much if I'm not doing anything illegal, but they don't believe . I've got it good, and I think that makes all my issues seem less potent. I come on this site, and I see people trying to claw their way out of Hell, and learn about people who's been through heinous, terrible moments. They have the right to be suicidal. There haven't been many bad things to happen to me. I've been SA-ed thrice, all by different people, but that's nothing compared to some of you. I have not earned the right to wish for death. But why then, do I want to die so much? I've been keeping to myself, no meds, no nothing, feeling like a pile of trash, making friends, pretending to care, when all I want to do is sleep that deep sleep of death. I've got (according to a psychologist) a little DID, a mild SAD, and nothing else (yes, I lied to a shrink about almost everything that happened to me, I don't care) . I feel numb to the world, but I haven't felt enough pain to. I was mostly fine for a while, until my father was rammed into by a bus (you can joke about most things I say, no worries) I hate that so few things happened to me to make me a mess, while so many others go through worse, but feel fine. I hate that I have some fucking privilege, because I don't deserve it. I hate that I am unworthy of feeling like this.

I get that, but it's pointless to invalidate one's feelings. Even if you think that there are not enough justifications to feel the way you feel, but the thing is you don't need any to begin with. It doesn't lead anywhere to compare suffering, it just makes you feel lesser in some way and then you'll prob just feel worse. There's no universal metric of suffering if that makes sense, and to some extent suffering is always subjective. I know it's hard to stop thinking like that, I have issues with that myself, but one has to try to stop. I mean you can for example experience mental suffering, even though you never had a traumatic experience, it doesn't make a difference and it doesn't invalidate the way you are feeling