Having a parent who committed suicide and how it affected me

[evilblondegirl]

I was 4 when my mom decided to take her life while i was at school and we got taken away from our dad as well that month because he couldn't handle being a single father to 3 girls so over the years i developed age regression which I am embarrassed and ashamed because I'm a adult that involuntary needs to age regress throughout my day which made school really hard for me as my age regression started as early as 6 and I got pulled out of school at a very young age 11 because of how traumatized I was of going to school since I was a kid I would cry all day at school because I was terrified something bad was gonna happen to my grandma or sisters which who I lived with while I was away like what happened to my mom fast forward I found a boyfriend the love of my life about 2 years ago and I start dating him and he was really helping me with my regression and was kind trying to reparent me so I got very emotional attached to him and he died this may due to fentanyl and now I feel just like I did when my mom died but worse he was really my last hope for feeling better my last hope in humanity and now I feel like I'm gonna do what my mom did I hate being a adult I just wanna feel that love and safety again i can't tell if I want to die or not I just want it back

 

[loslassen]

Im so sorry you've gone through so much, you dont deserve that

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry. You've had such a tough life. It's heart breaking to hear that you lost your boyfriend also. It feels understandable that you would age regress really. You had such an unstable start.

My Mum died of natural causes when I was 3. I was lucky at least to have other loving family members but, I don't think the impact ever truly leaves us. I'm so sorry.

 

[evilblondegirl]

I'm so sorry. You've had such a tough life. It's heart breaking to hear that you lost your boyfriend also. It feels understandable that you would age regress really. You had such an unstable start.

My Mum died of natural causes when I was 3. I was lucky at least to have other loving family members but, I don't think the impact ever truly leaves us. I'm so sorry.

your so strong also <3know your mum still watches over and loves u

 

[Nightfoot]

Love and safety still exist in the world. You've been through so much it can be hard to see that and scary to even look for it, but it's there. Be gentle with yourself, you didn't deserve what you had to go through. Have you ever had a counselor? Is that an option for you. Counseling can be a safe place to talk about your feelings and explore possible paths forward. I hope things get better for you.