finalkarma
Member
- Aug 17, 2023
- 18
i dont think i've been here in over a year which is kinda crazy. i used to log on here all the time. that doesn't mean my life got better, it's actually significantly worse now LOL. anyways just wanted to rant here cuz i genuinely have no one.
i have one friend who i dont talk to as much as i used to. we still talk but idk, we're not as close as we used to be. no bad blood, just aren't. and they're my only friend, so now that we don't talk as much i'll let you picture how lonely that is...
i do nothing all day. im extremely fed up with it today, which is why im on here. i wanted to go to classes in person, but i can't sit in a classroom bcuz of my anxiety. which is SOOO frustrating because i can go to public spaces where there's a lot of people and be fine. stores, restaurants, concerts, literally ANYWHERE else im fine, but a classroom is where my body draws the line??? whatever
so now i can only do classes online, which sucks cause i was gonna try to make friends in school. so that plan is out the window.
aaaand i cant get hired. im not joking when i say i've applied to nearly everywhere in my city. i hate that i get why im not getting hired. i mean, who would want to hire someone my age who has NO experience whatsoever? i've never worked anywhere before bc my parents wouldnt let me, so now anytime i go into an interview for every pt job i apply to, i have to embarrassingly tell them that no, i dont have any previous retail experience to pull from, and that yes, this would be my first job. this sucks as well cuz i thought maybe i can befriend some coworkers no ig...
so bc i never had a job before, i could never buy the things i wanted. i haven't gotten new clothes to wear since i was about to start high school. i've also wanted to dye my hair for the longest time but cant. AND buy some accessories like bracelets and rings. ive also wanted a piercing for the LOOOONGEST time. but it turns out you need money to customize yourself...wow... :// i would have to rely on my parents and ask them for the things i wanted, which i could only do for so long without emptying their wallets or feel like i was asking for too much. worst of all, i could have saved so much by now. ive wanted a car for so long and im still nowhere near being able to get one. a job would also allow me to help with rent and stuff, since everythings going up where i live...
i feel like im at my breaking point with all these things combined. i wanted to go to classes in person so i could be around other humans instead of being inside all day, but im too anxious for that i guess. i thought ok, well if i get hired i'll at least get some human interaction there. nope, can't get hired. so now i continue to rot away at home, not seeing anyone new or talking to someone new. its driving me crazy. like SERIOUSLY crazy. i just want community, is that so much?
ik the last one was about the job pretty superficial, but its just some things i want. i feel like i've been a plain jane my entire life </3 ok rant over. if anyone read this entire thing ILY ^_^
i have one friend who i dont talk to as much as i used to. we still talk but idk, we're not as close as we used to be. no bad blood, just aren't. and they're my only friend, so now that we don't talk as much i'll let you picture how lonely that is...
i do nothing all day. im extremely fed up with it today, which is why im on here. i wanted to go to classes in person, but i can't sit in a classroom bcuz of my anxiety. which is SOOO frustrating because i can go to public spaces where there's a lot of people and be fine. stores, restaurants, concerts, literally ANYWHERE else im fine, but a classroom is where my body draws the line??? whatever
so now i can only do classes online, which sucks cause i was gonna try to make friends in school. so that plan is out the window.aaaand i cant get hired. im not joking when i say i've applied to nearly everywhere in my city. i hate that i get why im not getting hired. i mean, who would want to hire someone my age who has NO experience whatsoever? i've never worked anywhere before bc my parents wouldnt let me, so now anytime i go into an interview for every pt job i apply to, i have to embarrassingly tell them that no, i dont have any previous retail experience to pull from, and that yes, this would be my first job. this sucks as well cuz i thought maybe i can befriend some coworkers
no ig...so bc i never had a job before, i could never buy the things i wanted. i haven't gotten new clothes to wear since i was about to start high school. i've also wanted to dye my hair for the longest time but cant. AND buy some accessories like bracelets and rings. ive also wanted a piercing for the LOOOONGEST time. but it turns out you need money to customize yourself...wow... :// i would have to rely on my parents and ask them for the things i wanted, which i could only do for so long without emptying their wallets or feel like i was asking for too much. worst of all, i could have saved so much by now. ive wanted a car for so long and im still nowhere near being able to get one. a job would also allow me to help with rent and stuff, since everythings going up where i live...
i feel like im at my breaking point with all these things combined. i wanted to go to classes in person so i could be around other humans instead of being inside all day, but im too anxious for that i guess. i thought ok, well if i get hired i'll at least get some human interaction there. nope, can't get hired. so now i continue to rot away at home, not seeing anyone new or talking to someone new. its driving me crazy. like SERIOUSLY crazy. i just want community, is that so much?
ik the last one was about the job pretty superficial, but its just some things i want. i feel like i've been a plain jane my entire life </3 ok rant over. if anyone read this entire thing ILY ^_^
