Have you told your friends about your plans to ctb?

[scamper]

If you have plans to ctb, have you told your friends, family members, etc.? How did they react? If you haven't told anyone, why not?

Personally I've told two friends and I've since learned my lesson. What were your experiences like?

 

[Rainork]

If you have plans to ctb, have you told your friends, family members, etc.? How did they react? If you haven't told anyone, why not?

Personally I've told two friends and I've since learned my lesson. What were your experiences like?

Aha, good question, I'll be interested to see answers to this.
I haven't told anyone of my plans at the moment, similar to you I have told in the past and quickly learnt my lesson.
For me, the tipping point was a night when my two closest friends went behind my back, calling up people and psych wards (I don't know exactly who they called as I wasn't there) trying to get me put in because they 'didn't know what else to do to keep me safe'.
When they confronted me, I exploded at them, explained doing it behind my back was the worst decision and said 'ooh what a shame' when they said they needed my permission to get me in.

What was your experience when sharing OP? (if you want to share, if not no worries)

But yeah, now when I decide to ctb, I will not tell anyone. Anything I need to say will be written or recorded to get to them once I'm gone.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I usually keep them more quiet but I have told a couple people. They're pro-choice so it went pretty peacefully, they just told me they understood and I didn't deserve to be feeling this hurt.

They just asked to have time for goodbyes which I agreed to happily. It's probably quite rare for this to happen but I'm really glad it did.
Oops forgot to mention I used to tell people impulsively and thankfully I've fixed that now but I got a few welfare checks for not responding to messages etc.

I'm luckily much more careful and haven't told anyone really how far I am in my plans.

 

[Rainork]

I usually keep them more quiet but I have told a couple people. They're pro-choice so it went pretty peacefully, they just told me they understood and I didn't deserve to be feeling this hurt.

They just asked to have time for goodbyes which I agreed to happily. It's probably quite rare for this to happen but I'm really glad it did.

That's so lovely, I'm glad you have such supportive people in your life and them asking for goodbyes is so nice as well.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

That's so lovely, I'm glad you have such supportive people in your life and them asking for goodbyes is so nice as well.

It truly warmed my heart at the time, I was going to make a post about it then decided not to. I love them to death, only people that actually call me by my preferred name/pronouns (I'm trans).

Amazing friends, they have their flaws but they have a heart of gold even if it doesn't come across that way to most.

 

[scamper]

What was your experience when sharing OP? (if you want to share, if not no worries)

Really it was much less drastic than the measures your friends took, and I'm sorry that happened to you. I only have friends online and the two that I told basically threw a fit and kept telling me not to do it without ever considering my point of view. I understand that they were worried and thought they were doing the right thing, but it's still not a fun situation to deal with.

One of these friends I had to eventually cut contact with for unrelated reasons, but that was for the best.

The other has since been able to have a mature discussion with me about it and even though they don't want me to do it, they understand that it's my life and that it's ultimately my choice whether or not to end it. We're still friends today.

Everyone else I'll be keeping it a secret from until my final minutes, which I would advise most people to do unless you know for sure your friends will act rationally.

 

[Rainork]

Really it was much less drastic than the measures your friends took, and I'm sorry that happened to you. I only have friends online and the two that I told basically threw a fit and kept telling me not to do it without ever considering my point of view. I understand that they were worried and thought they were doing the right thing, but it's still not a fun situation to deal with.

One of these friends I had to eventually cut contact with for unrelated reasons, but that was for the best.

The other has since been able to have a mature discussion with me about it and even though they don't want me to do it, they understand that it's my life and that it's ultimately my choice whether or not to end it. We're still friends today.

Everyone else I'll be keeping it a secret from until my final minutes, which I would advise most people to do unless you know for sure your friends will act rationally.

That's still horrible though! I hate it when people say 'you can't do that' and whatever other cliches they find in the moment.
I'm glad you managed to figure it out with one of your friends though and that they're supportive for you.
Yeah, I think keeping it quiet is usually the best way to go as it is a natural response to try and stop someone you care about from ctb.

 

[ConstantPain]

No, I would never tell anyone anything about it. It's impossible for me to understand why anyone wants to live but most people I know don't understand the desire to ctb.

 

[outrider567]

Nobody knows

 

[Riu]

Yes, but they don't care so that's why I'm able to tell them.

 

[depresso_expresso03]

I have no intentions on doing so. Both because I'm not entirely sure I will ctb when I plan to, and secondly that leaves time for potential intervention (i.e. calling the police) and an involuntary hospital stay, which is something I don't particularly fancy happening to me.

I did travel somewhere to jump a while back, but my SI prevented me from doing so. I ended up getting taken to a psych ward while there. My friend found out and asked me if that was my true intention of going there (which I told them yes), and if I ever would've told them my true intentions prior to jumping, or just let them find out after I jumped/had ctb. I told them the latter. That was the first

 

[Toy]

I have told family members, they did not care enough about it and always say nothing afterwards
Friends don't know what exactly i'm planning but do know I want to CTB

 

[JGT1]

They may think it. Wouldn't be surprised

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

TL;DR sorry it's long

I used to confide in two people when I was 14-15, then one of them kinda stayed to listen, but then I think when I was like 16-17 they kinda stopped talking to me as much. I feel like I've always been the listener when it comes to talks of suicide & suicide ideation + attempts. People tell me everything, I don't know why. I think it may be because I'm pretty open to talking about my depresson(?) & they assume I understand, which ig is a correct assumption. I remember coming out of in-patient & texting that friend I most confided in about my depression/suicidal thoughts/ideation/my attempt, (they even used to show me some of their SH wounds & I always tried my best making them feel better & to help them stop self-harming, the amount they were doing was becoming dangerous infection-wise). Anyways, I tried to confide in them after being released. They were the only person I could talk to about it without judgement & I know they could understand. They shut it down immediately. I understand it's an uncomfortable subject, but we had been talking on & off recently during that time too, they had been open about their mental health, that they had relapsed self-harming but had been on a decent streak of not, etc. always their for them to vent to at their beck & call- then when I try to confide in them, getting shut down, subject change, they never wanna talk about the stuff I deal with.

Even now I have no one to confide in. I told my partner today how bad my depression is getting & that I'm really hating myself today, he shrugs it off & tries to make it light hearted but- I really am starting to slip into a very deep, deep depression. I can't even confide in him on that, let alone if I admit my want-to-die is getting stronger.

 

[azurarcher]

In the past, I told my friends and parents that it was my plan for the far future. My nerd friend offered to talk about the reasons, my quiet friend didn't believe I would do that, and my outgoing friend told me "It's a tiny strength for a big weakness" (this is the only friend who admitted to thinking about CTB herself). My dad told me that I should get serious and my mom threatened me with a psych ward. After that, I didn't remind anyone of my "plans" so they probably forgot I had ever mentioned it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No- I would never disclose it that I have a plan worked out. One friend in particular must realise that I have ideation. I only talk like that with them because they do too. I think it would make my Dad so worried and upset if he knew- and I don't intend to do it before he's gone anyway- so- I don't want to burden him with it.

I guess it would be nice to just say it and get it off my chest sometimes but ultimately- I don't think there's anything anyone could do to 'help'. I'm not really looking to 'recover'. I think all it would do would be to make people worry and try to support/stop me- which will most likely fail. I don't want them to feel like they knew but somehow didn't try hard enough- or- weren't enough to stop me. It feels kinder in a way to keep isolating from them and just go.

 

[Hollowmon]

Everyone who knows me knows I'm suicidal, friends know everything including planned methods, nobody cares which is honestly a nice motivator to go through with it.

 

[Zephronic]

I've very briefly told only one person, who's a close online friend of mines. I didn't say what method I was going to use and only said that I already have a plan to kill myself. I would only bother telling someone about that who you feel is very close to you and who would understand, and not try to guilt trip you or make you feel bad. I wouldn't tell any therapist, family, or the like about my plans of course, since I feel they would only take away from it

 

[Catastrofe]

I am lucky enough to have a very good friend I can talk to openly.
We talked recently, I also told hrr about this forum, I was able to express my point of view, and even though she tried some advises (takevsome medications, and stuff, which is normal) she listened to me and acknowledged my point of view. She also thanked me for sharing this with her, I think she realized it is a big act of trust also, even if painful and kinda selfish.

Have not told my family members. They are good and loving people but I have never felt heard from them, so I do not talk about myself with them, why should I be open with one of the most intimate feelings I have?

 

[ThisIsLife]

Absolutely NOT. The difference between not telling and telling could be failing AND having to live the rest of my life braindead in a wheelchair. It's definitely not worth it.

We can't know how many people who wanted/tried to CTB were rescued because of telling but i'm quite sure that for those who did their life must be/have been a 1000 times worse since then.

Most of the worst things that happened to me happened because of people who wanted to do good. I've learned the lesson.

 

[charlotte_]

It's not like I have any plans yet to tell, but if I do happen to get to that point, perhaps I'll tell my best friend. I won't tell them the plan though, just the fact that I might commit.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that doing such a thing would certainly be such a terrible idea as after all we do exist in such an anti suicide society where suicidal people end up being punished by being forced into horrific psych wards simply for saying that they plan to die. I think that people should only tell others if they want to suffer more, as the problem lies in the fact that so many people are against the right to die and instead of doing the compassionate thing of respecting the person's decision they would likely try and interfere in the person's plans and force them to stay here.

 

[Foxes]

Last night I made the mistake of telling someone who I considered a close friend and he ripped into me hard. I've touched on the subject of my depression lightly in the past and he's always given me the typical pro-lifer spiel, but this time he really laid into me. None of it was shocking to hear or deal with as I've dealt with a few others in my life who try a blunt "tough love" approach.

The problem with this is that behaving in this manner never works on me. Cursing, telling me to shut the fuck up, telling me how selfish I am to put this on everyone else I'd leave behind... I know he was angry and probably doing it from a place of care & concern but this is the absolute wrong way to go about trying to change a person's mind, especially when they're suicidal. I was raised in a highly abusive household and when people talk at me with so much anger and hostility, all it does is make me dissociate and I withdraw. My brain shuts itself down. At that point I'm no longer listening, I no longer care what is being said, nor do I give a shit about who or what I'm going to hurt.

If anything, he pushed me even further to want to ctb and I dare not speak another word of my plans to anyone else from here on out because it was a really shitty experience for me.

Unless it's a trusted friend who knows what dealing with actual real painful suicidal feelings and ideations are like, don't tell anyone your plans. Shit always goes south fast.

 

[scamper]

If anything, he pushed me even further to want to ctb and I dare not speak another word of my plans to anyone else from here on out because it was a really shitty experience for me.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I feel like this is a rather common outcome when people go on pro-life tirades. It seems like a lot of people use the approach that your friend did, and I can't imagine anyone walking away from a situation like that feeling anything other than a greater desire to ctb. I don't understand why so many people jump to this method of communication, something tells me I never will.

 

[Foxes]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I feel like this is a rather common outcome when people go on pro-life tirades. It seems like a lot of people use the approach that your friend did, and I can't imagine anyone walking away from a situation like that feeling anything other than a greater desire to ctb. I don't understand why so many people jump to this method of communication, something tells me I never will.

Thanks so much for your compassion and empathy, it's very much appreciated. Yes, they think they're being helpful. He's probably borderline frustrated/fed up hearing about it and reacting without any filter. I get that. I know it sucks to hear someone you care about say that they'd be better off dead.

But he's nuts if he thinks that that kind of reaction is what will snap me out of feeling like this. It might work on some people, but not me.

I want to tell my friends, I want to scream it at them to make them understand how seriously bad shit has gotten because they're my friends... but I can't. And that really sucks too.

Thank God for this forum and for you guys though

 

[charlotte_]

I already made a reply here but just gonna update bcz I have nothing better to do rn. I recently tell my best friend abt my ctb thoughts (still have no plans yet sigh), and surprisingly, it was genuinely comforting seeing that they try to care for me best as they could and tell me about how much their appreciate me. For a moment, I finally felt how it felt to matter to someone and to be accepted. One of my most frequent thoughts is that my death wouldn't matter to anyone. It would even benefit them. It would be way harder to take actions if things ever go wrong now because I could not imagine hurting them, but perhaps I'll try to live inside this meat cage for another while. No guarantee but well at least there's something.

 

[brainkiller]

only one knows. i told him that when the house is empty, i go into my parent's room, lay on the floor, and hold my step-dad's gun to my head. i'm not one to share stuff like this with people who know my face and name, i feel uncomfortable when people are actively worrying about me, but it slipped out. he was very understanding thankfully.

 

[wiltingorchid]

I haven't, because they obviously don't like the idea of me being dead. I even go as far as saying that they would call the police/ an ambulance. I don't judge them for that tho, i can understand why they would do that.

 

[Itz_d3p]

I told a friend but I said it like a joke so that's how we take it, I know that he knows but he makes it easier that way. It's rare when we talk in a serious way because he knows I feel uncomfortable doing it (childish from my part).

 

[Ernest1964]

I've spoken about CTB with a few friends and family members, but always in an unemotional and rational manner. I bring up the subject that I do not want to "grow old" gracefully or otherwise. I've stated that when I feel that my time on this planet is over, I will make the decision to end my own life. I introduce the concept of "rational suicide" and so far, most everyone has asked me if I have a method to CTB (yes I do), do I have the means to CTB (yes I do), do I have a timeline (no, not any time soon, but most likely within the next 5 - 7 years). They've all asked me to say goodbye before I leave and I have told them that I would.