Have you lost your soul too ?

[Have_a_nice_Life]

Hi guys, just feel like i'm an empty shell. I have MDD so of course i can't enjoy anything but it's come to a point where i've lost myself and by the same extent everything that constitued my personnality.

Everything that i loved is just a distant memory, diving, urban climbing, motorcycles, music, movies, sci-fi, engineering, science, video games, animals. I can't think about anything else than my own issues over and over again ruminating.
I can't watch videos even short ones anymore bc i keep getting interrupted by those thoughts. I can't eat, get out of bed anything. Nothing brings me the least amount of satisfaction expect chugging Xanax but that's only temporary before the rebound anxiety hits.

I used to be emphathetic, love to help people, now i don't care, i've gave up on my dreams of being a voluntary firefighters because of that. The only thing that used to drive me (helping people) doesn't interest me anymore. Wich was a need i felt to my core, my very soul.
I've lost myself and by the same way everything that made me myself.

Do y'all feel the same way ?

 

[Iris Blue]

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I really respect and appreciate you wanting to be a volunteer firefighter and I understand you are not feeling the best right now but just reading that tells me that you are a good person even if those thoughts and feelings aren't there at the moment.

I also was diagnosed with MDD but I'm currently unsure if I am professionally diagnosed still due to acting and pretending I'm ok but it does still seem to be there. I feel like lots have changed some things I can't describe or give a name to but it doesn't feel right. I have lost interest in a lot of things, the biggest thing I've noticed that started a few months ago is I no longer feel like I love my dog. Or at least as much as I used to. I still care for her, take her to the vet and everything else she needs but I don't feel as close to her. I despise the idea of taking her out for walks everyday and most of the time I just don't feel like I love her like I used to. I feel awful for saying it I never mention it to anyone because it sounds and makes me feel like an awful human being. I know she deserves better than me but she is at the age it would be cruel to even try to rehome her for a better life. I don't know even if I would but I just want what is best for her and I am not her person anymore and I feel nothing but everything at the same time about it. I used to be known for loving animals and doing anything for them but now I just don't know who I am. How can the one thing I loved most in the whole wide world suddenly not have a place anymore? I stopped caring or trying because I gave up mentally and hopefully plan to fully soon.

Sorry to make it a bit dark I hope you won't hate me for who I've become but if you do I understand

 

[Have_a_nice_Life]

I don't hate you for reachin out i feel the exact same way. I used to love animals and wanted to volonteer in an animal shelter but now this desire slipped away.
I have a cat who i used to love dearly but now i can barely tolerate his presence. I don't live alone so he's being taken good care of but still i see that he is confused about my cold attitude towards him.
It's hard to pull yourself out of this situation when interacting with people became so unatural for you. Trying to come up with things to say is a veritable struggle when you're constantly lost in your mind. Nothing interest you so you don't have anything to talk about expect your issues wich is not something to do in case your trying to socialise lol.

I can't concentrate, can't remember a thing, constantly in pain but i want to get better.
Fucked up brain chemicals i guess and loneliness did this to me. Unability to connect to other people.

 

[Have_a_nice_Life]

I don't hate you for reachin out i feel the exact same way. I used to love animals and wanted to volonteer in an animal shelter but now this desire slipped away.
I have a cat who i used to love dearly but now i can barely tolerate his presence. I don't live alone so he's being taken good care of but still i see that he is confused about my cold attitude towards him.
It's hard to pull yourself out of this situation when interacting with people became so unatural for you. Trying to come up with things to say is a veritable struggle when you're constantly lost in your mind. Nothing interest you so you don't have anything to talk about expect your issues wich is not something to do in case your trying to socialise lol.

I can't concentrate, can't remember a thing, constantly in pain but i want to get better.
Fucked up brain chemicals i guess and loneliness did this to me. Unability to connect to other people.

.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Not sure it will make you feel better but I relate.
Severe anhedonia. Only drugs can (barely) help. Movies, literature, porn, video games, etc. does nothing. Even music does nothing. So depressed that I feel disconnected from even melodic human connection. Food mostly sucks, occasionally it tastes okay but nothing to get excited about.

Do you know what might have caused this? For me it was leaving the person I loved during covid to move to a country that did an extra year of covid. Been depressed before that including war but now it's the norm. Sometimes don't even realize how fucked I am except flashes of good memories that remind me this just is not right.

 

[xinino]

Yeah, I lost my soul. a girl stole it from me.

 

[Zanmato]

Everything that i loved is just a distant memory, diving, urban climbing, motorcycles, music, movies, sci-fi, engineering, science, video games, animals. I can't think about anything else than my own issues over and over again ruminating.

Yeah, sometimes it happens to me too, and I think it's coming back.
I just not feel enough strengths to do anything, I rather lie on bed.
At the most, I try to listen some music

 

[Have_a_nice_Life]

Not sure it will make you feel better but I relate.
Severe anhedonia. Only drugs can (barely) help. Movies, literature, porn, video games, etc. does nothing. Even music does nothing. So depressed that I feel disconnected from even melodic human connection. Food mostly sucks, occasionally it tastes okay but nothing to get excited about.

Do you know what might have caused this? For me it was leaving the person I loved during covid to move to a country that did an extra year of covid. Been depressed before that including war but now it's the norm. Sometimes don't even realize how fucked I am except flashes of good memories that remind me this just is not right.

Man i don't really know how it all started but from what i can remember i've always been like that. My brain is fucked in guess. And also chronic loneliness.
Sorry for your separation but understand that our condition makes it extra hard to move on and that it replays all the good times like with a drug addiction.

Yeah, sometimes it happens to me too, and I think it's coming back.
I just not feel enough strengths to do anything, I rather lie on bed.
At the most, I try to listen some music

What do you listen too ? Music is also bland to me now except some nights i can listen to some songs

 

[escape_from_hell]

Well the only positive thing I might offer is that I have been in pretty hellish depressions before and did pull through to mildly enjoy life for periods, albeit reborn as a whole new person.
So if you are young, like under 30, such periods may await you.
Unfortunately, it is not all roses. Like all good things it crashed back to reality, the always due hangover.
I was aware of the limited nature of good experiences and honestly did my best to practice gratitude. I still do for the last bit of joy I can milk out of life, usually the fist few minutes of coffee in the morning.
But all is temporary, it will be ripped away eventually and be nothing but a faint concept. That delicious hot dog and popcorn you had the carnival as a kid, where is that joy now?
So gratitude is a pathetic attempt to cling and milk the shit out of a moment.

Well, back to the good news, yeah, if you are young it might not be all bad. I might even have to strength to give this hellacious cycle another go myself except well, eventually we do just get too tired and old and have seen enough. I see it's not worth it anymore, and it would be exponentially more difficult to even attempt to put myself in a good position.

The crushing and immobilizing nature comes from seeing the futility and having not much to look forward to, for even if I re-achieved my highest joys, it would not be worth the effort.
IF you are young, it truly might be worth mustering the will. Why? Cuz that first hit of the drug is the best and arguably the only true experience, the repetitive experience being a cheap imitation. If you haven't had the first hit yet, go for it.

 

[Have_a_nice_Life]

Well the only positive thing I might offer is that I have been in pretty hellish depressions before and did pull through to mildly enjoy life for periods, albeit reborn as a whole new person.
So if you are young, like under 30, such periods may await you.
Unfortunately, it is not all roses. Like all good things it crashed back to reality, the always due hangover.
I was aware of the limited nature of good experiences and honestly did my best to practice gratitude. I still do for the last bit of joy I can milk out of life, usually the fist few minutes of coffee in the morning.
But all is temporary, it will be ripped away eventually and be nothing but a faint concept. That delicious hot dog and popcorn you had the carnival as a kid, where is that joy now?
So gratitude is a pathetic attempt to cling and milk the shit out of a moment.

Well, back to the good news, yeah, if you are young it might not be all bad. I might even have to strength to give this hellacious cycle another go myself except well, eventually we do just get too tired and old and have seen enough. I see it's not worth it anymore, and it would be exponentially more difficult to even attempt to put myself in a good position.

The crushing and immobilizing nature comes from seeing the futility and having not much to look forward to, for even if I re-achieved my highest joys, it would not be worth the effort.
IF you are young, it truly might be worth mustering the will. Why? Cuz that first hit of the drug is the best and arguably the only true experience, the repetitive experience being a cheap imitation. If you haven't had the first hit yet, go for it.

I haven't had my first hit of heroin should i go for it ?

Personally, i do believe some things are everlasting and authentic. But they are hard to grasp in our state of mind.
From my understanding and my own perspective, depression is purely chemicaly induced.
Our brain is fucked and we see everything as dull and pointless when normal people are able to find joy in simple things .
I've been recommended the book "against depression" from Peter kramer wich suposedly explain the shift in mindset depression causes and how to not believe it. Depression changes the present, the prospect of a kinder future and the past so everything is replaced by sorrow in the end. But i guess we have to understand it's just an illusion ?
I don't know, what i know is that my pain is real and i'm losing my grip on reality and i can't stand it.

 

[sserafim]

I never had a soul in the first place

 

[tbroken]

My soul is still here, but i lost my purposes a long time ago. Even trying to take them back is not that easy.

 

[Valso]

The soul is a religious concept and I'm an atheist, so I don't believe in the soul. But if you're talking about what I hink you're talking about - your personality and everything that makes you you, that thing died 16 years ago, along with my shattered heart. Nowadays there are very small traces of what I used to be. Nowadays, if I have to describe myself with one meme (there was such a request on FB by a psychologist: "Describe yourself with one meme"), then the meme would be this. I'm pretty sure the gamers among us will recognize what classic it is from. :P

 

[Lake]

My soul is the only thing that keeps me here.

Choosing to keep it has resulted in myself being treated like shit by those who wish to take it.

You said you lost it... but, what's lost can be found-- it is not destroyed.

Perhaps, this is a time to find what speaks to your soul now-- what worked in the past is to be left behind.

 

[Have_a_nice_Life]

The soul is a religious concept and I'm an atheist, so I don't believe in the soul. But if you're talking about what I hink you're talking about - your personality and everything that makes you you, that thing died 16 years ago, along with my shattered heart. Nowadays there are very small traces of what I used to be. Nowadays, if I have to describe myself with one meme (there was such a request on FB by a psychologist: "Describe yourself with one meme"), then the meme would be this. I'm pretty sure the gamers among us will recognize what classic it is from. :P

I don't believe in the soul either i'm talking about everything that constitutes myself. My goals, my aspirations, motivations, my empathy, my love. It's easier to qualify it as the soul since it's more poignant.

 

[sserafim]

The soul is a religious concept and I'm an atheist, so I don't believe in the soul. But if you're talking about what I hink you're talking about - your personality and everything that makes you you, that thing died 16 years ago, along with my shattered heart. Nowadays there are very small traces of what I used to be. Nowadays, if I have to describe myself with one meme (there was such a request on FB by a psychologist: "Describe yourself with one meme"), then the meme would be this. I'm pretty sure the gamers among us will recognize what classic it is from. :P

Is it possible to not have a personality?

 

[Valso]

I don't believe in the soul either i'm talking about everything that constitutes myself. My goals, my aspirations, motivations, my empathy, my love. It's easier to qualify it as the soul since it's more poignant.

So exactly what I said - everything that makes you you. But those (my goals, motivations, empathy, dreams and especially love) were killed long ago.

Is it possible to not have a personality?

No. One always has a personality of some kind. But it's easy to hide it. Well, at least for me it is.

 

[mainlanders_son]

Almost exactly the same. Completely hollowed out. All my passions, gone. Energy for anything is drained. I should've CTB months ago. Wretched existence. Ruined myself.

 

[divinemistress36]

I never got to experience myself at a soul level here due to depression and brain injury . At the core I believe I'm free spirited and adventurous. I'm stuck in a meat suit that traps my soul

 

[Mirrory Me]

Have you thought about starting to find out about your soul? About God, the universe, reality? It is also good to keep in mind that a person does not live only on the holy spirit, that for example a scarce or poor diet can cause e.g. anxiety and depression. It causes more mental disorders for me, so I've had to google different health foods and ways to keep myself mentally balanced. Gut healthy food is verry good option to add in diet, because the gut acts as a "second brain".

Edit: someone mentioned about taking drugs, so I would also recommend that- by taking psychedelics. They have actually deepen my spirituality.

 

[Iris Blue]

I don't hate you for reachin out i feel the exact same way. I used to love animals and wanted to volonteer in an animal shelter but now this desire slipped away.
I have a cat who i used to love dearly but now i can barely tolerate his presence. I don't live alone so he's being taken good care of but still i see that he is confused about my cold attitude towards him.
It's hard to pull yourself out of this situation when interacting with people became so unatural for you. Trying to come up with things to say is a veritable struggle when you're constantly lost in your mind. Nothing interest you so you don't have anything to talk about expect your issues wich is not something to do in case your trying to socialise lol.

I can't concentrate, can't remember a thing, constantly in pain but i want to get better.
Fucked up brain chemicals i guess and loneliness did this to me. Unability to connect to other people.

Thank you for your reply, I am sorry that you are also struggling with the same thing. Although it is all very unfortunate reading what you said makes me feel a little bit better just knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I've tried looking up answers before or anyone who could relate or understand but couldn't seem to find anyone but now I feel a bit less alone. I do apologize it has to be about something as sad as this but it did mean something.

Reading that you want to get better makes me very happy for you. I can't imagine how hard things are for you right now and I wish you the very best in finding ways to find peace and get better

 

[Zanmato]

What do you listen too ? Music is also bland to me now except some nights i can listen to some songs

Mh, any kind of songs I like is fine.
I just play my playlists

 

[ringo99]

I don't believe in the concept of a soul. It's one of many constructs along with heaven and hell cooked up by power hungry cunts at the top of the hierarchy of the world's major religions to enrich themselves and control sheeple

 

[rszaa]

Hi guys, just feel like i'm an empty shell. I have MDD so of course i can't enjoy anything but it's come to a point where i've lost myself and by the same extent everything that constitued my personnality.

Everything that i loved is just a distant memory, diving, urban climbing, motorcycles, music, movies, sci-fi, engineering, science, video games, animals. I can't think about anything else than my own issues over and over again ruminating.
I can't watch videos even short ones anymore bc i keep getting interrupted by those thoughts. I can't eat, get out of bed anything. Nothing brings me the least amount of satisfaction expect chugging Xanax but that's only temporary before the rebound anxiety hits.

I used to be emphathetic, love to help people, now i don't care, i've gave up on my dreams of being a voluntary firefighters because of that. The only thing that used to drive me (helping people) doesn't interest me anymore. Wich was a need i felt to my core, my very soul.
I've lost myself and by the same way everything that made me myself.

Do y'all feel the same way ?

Yep , I'm pretty sure I did it to myself as some type of malformed coping mechanism . I have only been able to rely on myself for as long as I remember , as a consequence of that I had to push myself hard . Every milestone was met with my Asian tiger mom inner monologue (funny I'm not Asian nor does my mom give a fuck) telling me that whatever I achieved doesnt mean jack and im one mistake away from the streets . 10 years later I achieved everything I wanted , even more . I felt nothing. It spread into everything else in my life, I have no dreams or goals or hobbies, I don't get enjoyment from any drug / experience / purchase . I am so tired of continuing this charade. I tested out the ole bean-bag and ratchet strap method today , surprise surprise I felt nothing , even when my vision started to blur .