
Versailles
Enlightened
- Oct 1, 2020
- 1,642
I'm and unsecure with this decission, soimetimes i want to live, and sometimes i want to die, i feel so empty but some things around me can make me to live
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Had to be around when I was 9 and oblivious to our family's drug abuse, general abuse. Maybe a little earlier, I was in a foster home around nine. But, well, it must've been a little earlier than that, as around 7 I was in a woman's home with my mom and sister. I was probably genuinely happy when I was around 5. No. I still remember being scared running to the neighbors because my parents fighting, and my dad throwing a kitten over a fence. Fuck, man. I don't know when I've been genuinely happy. I can't remember. I've always felt off. That's all I know.In my case, I cannot remember ever wanting to live. I have no positive memories of the past, everything is either painful, miserable, boring or just forgettable. Even when I was very young I found death to be comforting and I knew that is what I wanted. I have never been able to cope with life, and I have always seen life as being stressful and tiring. I know that I am not meant for this world. I have no idea what it would be like, to want to live, to actually enjoy life. There is so much dread for the future and there is nothing to look forward to. It has always felt wrong, me being alive. I know I will never want to exist in a life filled with so much suffering. Overall, I can never understand people who want to live. Nothing would ever make me want to stay alive, but that is just the way I am personally. All I want is to forget about this life and finally be at peace.