have you ever thought this would be your end?

[lnlybnny]

i mean, somewhere along the way we lost ourselves as i don't believe any of us always thought our end would be ctb. i think each of us back in the day used to think we were special and that life would be great for us and we would just die naturally... it feels weird to know that our end is probably going to be ctb, whilst other people will just live happy lives... why did it have to be like this and why aren't we special anymore, like the normies think they are? or maybe we never were and it was just an illusion

 

[sserafim]

Yeah. Ever since I was little, I always knew that I was destined to die young and by ctb. It's the only future I saw for myself. I never saw myself living out a full life or dying naturally

 

[lnlybnny]

Yeah. Ever since I was little, I always knew that I was destined to die young and by ctb. It's the only future I saw for myself. I never saw myself living out a full life or dying naturally

that's an interesting thought to have since being a child

 

[throneofdispair03]

No, but i never saw myself growing old and withering. I had the feeling that I was going to die by unnatural causes for my whole life essentially, even when not depressed.

 

[sserafim]

that's an interesting thought to have since being a child

I never thought that I would live past 18 or become an adult. I think I was meant to die earlier and not even be alive right now

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Nope. In my younger years never realized CTB would be my final act. I don't think it was "destined" to be, like some do, but more realized through life circumstances that has brought me to this point.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

i think each of us back in the day used to think we were special and that life would be great for us and we would just die naturally...

I personally never thought I was special even when I was a child. Ever since I knew what death truly is like, I found it peaceful and calming and I always preferred it to life.

 

[picklemeow]

i mean, somewhere along the way we lost ourselves as i don't believe any of us always thought our end would be ctb. i think each of us back in the day used to think we were special and that life would be great for us and we would just die naturally... it feels weird to know that our end is probably going to be ctb, whilst other people will just live happy lives... why did it have to be like this and why aren't we special anymore, like the normies think they are? or maybe we never were and it was just an illusion

I have. ever since I can remember, I knew I wouldn't die of natural causes etc, I knew I would die by ctb

 

[tbroken]

Actually i was happy, unfortunately some bad events made me anxious and dubious in life.
I had also opportunities with women, but my personal belief that having a son in the place i live is a really bad thing, drains all my willpower and ambition.
I change humor like 1000 times in one day.

 

[lita-lassi]

idk if im going to actually kms, i just don't want to live to be old and deal with my body shutting down gradually making it outright painful to do the things i love so hell probably at some point

 

[cantthinkofusername]

yeah

i cant really envision a future in which i live a long or happy life

 

[TransientEternal]

Yes, I've always been curious about death even when I was little.

 

[itsover404]

Yes and no. There were many times I thought I would end things this way, but also many others I believed I would live a long happy life. I began developing a debilitating mental illness that took everything from me and is now taking my cognitive abilities and emotional capacity. I can no longer cry. If only there were better treatments and cures to many things, unfortunately that's not a thing that exists. I didn't think it would be now though.

 

[Passersby]

When I was younger I didn't really think it would end with ctb, however I did think about wanting to be free and finding a way out constantly. As time went by I thought of it more and more. I never wanted to be here and do the things we are forced to do in life. I could never imagine getting old and being in a rest home or some type of awful situation that drags on for years. " Oh wait a minute I am in an awful situation that's drags on until I die. "

I felt like I would die before a certain age and that I needed to actually. Life isn't worth going on for me but here I am for now. Due to many things and unforeseen circumstances I now see that this is how it will end. Maybe I was destined to die like this after all but just didn't know it.

 

[strangelife]

I have never thought that I will CTB, I always thought I will live till death in 80-90 years, but my physical health ruined my plan.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Somehow CTB was always an option for me should my life turn bad but my life was good for most of the time. There was no reason to think about death, CTB and such stuff. That changed after failing big in life. Now it's an option and perhaps sooner than later.

 

[Zvetok26]

I mean, it was always there. But more as an option. I never saw myself growing old though. My life has always been just existing . From one day to another. Without any plans...like the future will never come. I've always delayed the final decision whether I want to live or die. I guess I just needed the final push

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've had ideation since I was 10, so it was pretty much always on the cards for me.

 

[thinvy]

I have wanted to die for years and years, many more than I've wanted to live for. I genuinely think I've wanted to die since I learned that people can die.
I have never been able to picture myself as a wrinkly little old man, sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch. I've always expected to die young. Frankly, living this long is shocking to me.
I've had so many close calls with accidents and dangerous incidents that I'm fairly certain that the only way I can die is either by my own hand, or being forced into living against my will til I ready old age. I've survived too many things, too many odds stacked against me. I'm lucky in the worse way, and it gives me much guilt.

 

[tbroken]

I have wanted to die for years and years, many more than I've wanted to live for. I genuinely think I've wanted to die since I learned that people can die.
I have never been able to picture myself as a wrinkly little old man, sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch. I've always expected to die young. Frankly, living this long is shocking to me.
I've had so many close calls with accidents and dangerous incidents that I'm fairly certain that the only way I can die is either by my own hand, or being forced into living against my will til I ready old age. I've survived too many things, too many odds stacked against me. I'm lucky in the worse way, and it gives me much guilt.

I understand you mate.
Instead, i feel somewhat lucky after all, because life taught me from the beginning that life itself is not that precious as you may think.
I was just stupid enough to believe i could enjoy it at the maximum heights
Depression , parents that declined all their responsibilities, the zombies that surround me, opened my eyes even more.
But I believe that i could become this vigilant even without depression and that I could do more... Anyways, it doesn't matter once you decide you'll ctb.

 

[xmissellax]

I've been dealing with ruminations and thoughts on death since I was 7. At 11 when I got my autism diagnosis and developed anxiety and depression, the suicidal thoughts and ideations started and never really stopped. Always had a sort of emptiness inside. I never imagined myself growing old that would be hell for me. Scared of deteriorating slowly that sounds like hell.

 

[heisenberg]

i've felt depressed since 11 and suicidal since 13. i don't think i was meant to be around this long. i can't imagine myself getting old or ever doing something fulfilling. i don't want to die any other way.

 

[lostmind38]

When I was a child I had dreams....being an astronaut and seeing the stars up close. Then things happened and every night I would go to bed wishing I didn't wake up in the morning. As I grew older hope came back until it was snatched away and that journey downhill hasn't stopped since, so, I've known for quite some time it would all end with CTB.

 

[rozeske]

Not really, it has always been at the back of my mind but I always thought I would win my fight. Little did I know

 

[voidstar]

I knew after my first attempt at 14 that I would die by my own hand one way or another. Life just keeps adding more and more reasons for me to do it.

 

[davidtorez]

idk if im going to actually kms, i just don't want to live to be old and deal with my body shutting down gradually making it outright painful to do the things i love so hell probably at some point

My feelings exactly!

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case wanting to die on my own terms is all that makes sense, under no circumstances would I ever wish to suffer in this meaningless and undesirable existence, I see no benefit in prolonging suffering just to risk ending up in a situation of way worse agony just to inevitably be tormented by old age. To me existence itself is evil, it's the true problem as it's the source of all suffering, to simply exist is something so harmful and burdensome. I don't understand what's supposedly so "good" about existing as existence truly is an abomination.

I'd always prefer the peace of non-existence to having the ability to suffer endlessly in this existence I never even wished for in the first place, it just sounds so ideal to simply not-exist where there is no suffering, no pain and torment, no need for anything, no problems, worries or concerns, for me a peaceful suicide would be a beautiful release from all suffering and harm.

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

My end was, is, and will be all I've ever truly longed for. I didn't really care about how it'd happen, only that it does, as its supposed to - it can't be worse than this life I didn't ask for, condemned to this cursed suffering which gets worse every second I'm forced to exist in this cruel, meaningless world that'll never be mine, never set me free, never let me be. If I had to choose between living different lies and dying true - I'd choose death without hesitation.

 

[Dliena]

Never would have thought in a zillion years when I was a happier child tho I guess I didn't ever really see a proper future for myself but since teenager me and now it's definitely looking so evermore likely that I'll actually will be doing this one day or get murdered. I just can't keep this up forever anymore.

 

[Xta4Love]

I was eleven when I got into Nirvana's music and Kurt Cobain persona and death fascinated me. So it was kind of meant to be. I was suicidal by the time I was thirtheen. By twenty one I was hospitalized. I thought I could lead a normal life in my twenties. But it was never meant to be.