Have you ever felt you don't belong here?

[Ijustcantanymore]

I feel like I was born far too soon. Like a few hundred years too soon. Humanity is still in it's stupid moron phase and being an intelligent person in a sea of wilful stupidity is just torture.

I have many reasons for wanting to ctb, and being amongst humanity in its current state is definitely one of them.

 

[RainyAfternoon]

I've often felt out of place in the world. But there have been times where I felt right at home too-- usually when out in nature or enjoying music.
I've always believed that humans were meant to live in a way that is more community focused, altruistic and ecologically sustainable. Yet the real world trends more towards isolation, divisiveness, and materialism. A part of my mind is always uncomfortable with this.
I think a majority of people regret the way things are, but have become jaded and accepting of it.

 

[betterthinktwice]

Yep. Just about every day.

I feel like a misfit, a defect, a reject from the factory. Every damn day. Set out among the normals. Daily torture.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

yes

 

[IFrequentSaSu]

Yes, I feel that all the time, I don't know why I'm here, and I don't want to be here, so hopefully I can finally ctb one day and escape this world.

 

[Lyn]

Always. Not here, not there, not anywhere.
Existence itself feels like something I'm just dragging through, barely coping with, but never truly in.
Even among people who don't fit in, I'm still the outlier. There's just a disconnect I've stopped trying to fix. It's just part of what I am. Nothing dramatic. Just the way things are.

 

[silverbones]

Always.

 

[singingcrow]

yes! and it's an awful feeling to feel this way

 

[catfriend]

yup, my being conceived was an accident -- especially given that my parents were in their late 40s at the time. the sense of not actually being wanted gave rise to all kinds of issues with belonging.

i remember, too, being a teenager and going through a rather embarrassing 'born in the wrong generation' phase. in hindsight, i think this was a symptom of my being rather ill at ease with 'belonging' in the 21st century.

 

[Freedombus'25]

Yup, I relate to a lot of what has been posted.

 

[betterthinktwice]

I feel like a reject from the factory. Total misfit.

 

[betterthinktwice]

I certainly don't belong in this horrific reality where there is all this endless cruelty and suffering and I'd never wish to exist either, more than anything I wish I was never burdened with this existence at all and I find it the most terrible tragedy how this existence that just caused all this suffering all for the sake of it was even imposed, to me existence truly is the problem. I personally see human existence as an abomination with no limit as to how much agony one can feel just to be tortured by old age, I'd always prefer to not exist no matter what than suffer all for the sake of it, for me non-existence truly is all that's positive, I'll always find it so deeply undesirable to suffer in this cruel, futile existence I personally always saw as a mistake, I'd just never wish to be conscious of anything at all rather I only wish for non-existence where all is finally forgotten.

I certainly don't belong in this horrific reality where there is all this endless cruelty and suffering and I'd never wish to exist either, more than anything I wish I was never burdened with this existence at all and I find it the most terrible tragedy how this existence that just caused all this suffering all for the sake of it was even imposed, to me existence truly is the problem. I personally see human existence as an abomination with no limit as to how much agony one can feel just to be tortured by old age, I'd always prefer to not exist no matter what than suffer all for the sake of it, for me non-existence truly is all that's positive, I'll always find it so deeply undesirable to suffer in this cruel, futile existence I personally always saw as a mistake, I'd just never wish to be conscious of anything at all rather I only wish for non-existence where all is finally forgotten.

I fully agree with this point of view, to the letter

 

[betterthinktwice]

It is hard to get out of bed or off the couch every day. Nothing clicks, just one bad event after another, every damn day. Always out of sync, few resources to cope, and the ones still available are of little value. No hopeful path forward.

 

[timetogo00]

I tried to belong for years. I thought I did at one point fooled by money, alcohol, and appearances while hiding my true self daily. It's all fake and everything is crooked. I hate it here because I couldn't be my true self. They considered me weird.

Experiencing sexual abuse from family and being told to get over it. Being gay and only accepted when I turned straight. Being homeless and trying to build back as people I knew treated me like dirt because I didn't have money or nothing they could use. I don't like humans or being human. I want what's next because it has to be better and even if it's eternal darkness, I can rest.

 

[Silently Dying]

every day of my life. more now that im older

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

I feel like I should have died in the womb or as a young child

 

[Anne Alias]

yea

 

[Alias Pluto]

Yes, alone and surrounded by shiny happy people really messes with my head

 

[betterthinktwice]

Not getting better for me. Just lost my best friend. Downward, downward. Ride it out? Or call the game, because that's what it is. A game in which there are no rules or the rules change but it doesn't matter because you never knew what they were in the first place. I no longer care. My best friend is gone.

 

[It'sMyLife]

I am just tired of this shit

Yes, most of the time

 

[FoxSauce]

In a way yes. Since I don't at this exact moment dont have a plan to cbt then I guess I shouldn't be here...? Is it how that works?

 

[betterthinktwice]

It's only a matter of time now. Miserable. Wretched. Horrible. Existence. Sorry I have nothing clever and pithy to say at this moment. Best friend I ever had died. I feel numb.

 

[usernamesarehard]

Yeah, no matter how I am or where I am connecting with people has always been hard. I was a loud, out-going kid, but I had trouble making friends. Slowly the loneliness chipped away my cheerful personality and penchant for being social and made me quiet and isolated. People have looked at me as the smart kid, but I still had trouble making friends.

It doesn't matter what I do, it's always wrong and I always lose.

 

[Hellis]

My whole life it felt like everyone is in on the same joke and they refuse to tell me. :/

 

[ididnotconsent]

Yeah, but lots of people are. I know I'm not special in this regard. It's not unusual for people to be down/depressed in this realm.

 

[jenson]

Yea, kinda started realizing I may have been a mistake. Never even fit in with my own friends groups. Always felt more like an observer than an actual participant.

 

[F@#$]

Every second of every day.

 

[lifeisadream]

Permanently. Wish I was living in a matrix like virtual world where to end it all was as simple as just turning the power off. Then bye bye, my life is extinguished at the flick of a switch.

 

[Daniel_79]

Couple of years ago I told my therapist "I just want to go home." She asked me "where is that?" I said "I don't know." She actually got a bit teary. Apparently it's quite a common thing for people dealing with trauma to say. Anyone else find themselves saying these words?

Still feel the same way. Still don't know where home is. I do know it's not here though. Not in this world. Not in this form of existence.

It's somewhere I feel safe, seen, and heard. Where I'm understood without ever needing to explain myself. Where I'm free from all the BS constructs and meaningless nonsensense of human society. A place where concepts like exams, work, money, posessions, mortgages, politics, pain, suffering, and a million other things don't exist. There's no pressure. I can just be.

 

[ididnotconsent]

Couple of years ago I told my therapist "I just want to go home." She asked me "where is that?" I said "I don't know." She actually got a bit teary. Apparently it's quite a common thing for people dealing with trauma to say. Anyone else find themselves saying these words?

Still feel the same way. Still don't know where home is. I do know it's not here though. Not in this world. Not in this form of existence.

It's somewhere I feel safe, seen, and heard. Where I'm understood without ever needing to explain myself. Where I'm free from all the BS constructs and meaningless nonsensense of human society. A place where concepts like exams, work, money, posessions, mortgages, politics, pain, suffering, and a million other things don't exist. There's no pressure. I can just be.

I'm not saying i believe in them but when you see all the NDE literature, like 95% of people report feeling at home and a sense of extreme peace and well being.

Seems like this earth/realm is messy and traumatic by design. You definition of home is very moving, i would to love to be in a place like that.