
sinfonia
Arcanist
- Jun 2, 2024
- 477
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Damn, it's wrong to know you were abused to that degree, abjected to that level.When I was younger, around 8 to 10 years old. I used to fantasize about murdering my father in his sleep, and even brought it up to my mother as a casual question. It has been quite awhile since my Father has died of natural causes, and time seems to be heavy yet weightless. I do not consciously remind myself that he is dead; rather, he is just gone for the moment. I had no idea how it could be seen as anything other than right. I frequently have moments where I recall the past, and once again fantasizing about murdering my father. One of my biggest regrets was not taking that chance to - and it seems to be plaguing my mind in the present.
Yes, I think about it all the time. Sometimes its petty but most of the time its for someone who really deserves it. Its kinda fun trying to imagine how I could get away with their murders. I find that its close to impossible to get away with these days.Me never I am just here to judge people if people are honest and open about it.
Serious answer. I never really considered murder. There was the short thought of revenge to my family. But it was more like they should kill themselves out of guilt when I ctb. But I think this thought was rather immature. I don't want that anymore. Not at all.
I am scared to fuck up suicide. Murder seems to be similar difficult. And in contrast to suicide most people want to avoid getting caught. Prison sounds scary. I think it would be a different layer of torture for me. And the guilt and ethical issues it would eat me alive.