Eyler
Cingulomania spark
- Aug 11, 2023
- 40
I hate the shallow swell of nothing, the total vast of a black hole that forms when you can't find something to forget the wounds.
I hate being in a circle full of people because they press onto me not caring of my existence, I mean no one cares for another, we learn to care only those we adore. In some way, the whole world isn't nice neither kind, as long as you find fondness of someone platonically or romantically you become selfish in a way.
I hate the presence of another close to me, feeling the warmt of another human being while their heart pumping normally, yet I struggle to breath properly for something so stupid, that they can handle easily.
I hate when somebody is struggling with something so stupid it pisses me off, because I don't understand and want to go through that experience to acknowledge why they feel that way, I just keep sabotaging myself without realizing, I don't get it.
You know, I hate how my mind works.
As a young one before I used to observe my surroundings a lot, I was aware of what wasn't needed. Maybe I heard things too, that I din't need to.
I never fully understood or grasped the idea of how our mind can sabotage us, how it can easily destroy us. I wonder why it doesn't self destruct though, maybe it also feels a sense to continue, to find something anew.
I don't like the idea of knowing, but I don't like the idea of not knowing. Both hurt in some way, they both hold me tightly in a way that I feel kind of tortured.
I don't wish to gain knowledge or awareness any more but I feel fear of not knowing either, when you find something that you don't know you get this uncomfortable feeling in your chest that makes you either curious or scared. Something not real in a sense I guess.
When I think about it, I kind of dislike everything but I don't hate it.
Its just overwhelming, to the points it's underwhelming, and that kind of thing tears my guts apart in some way.
It hurts, I wonder when I'll make up my mind already.
If just feels like two people in one body, and that really hurts.
I hate being in a circle full of people because they press onto me not caring of my existence, I mean no one cares for another, we learn to care only those we adore. In some way, the whole world isn't nice neither kind, as long as you find fondness of someone platonically or romantically you become selfish in a way.
I hate the presence of another close to me, feeling the warmt of another human being while their heart pumping normally, yet I struggle to breath properly for something so stupid, that they can handle easily.
I hate when somebody is struggling with something so stupid it pisses me off, because I don't understand and want to go through that experience to acknowledge why they feel that way, I just keep sabotaging myself without realizing, I don't get it.
You know, I hate how my mind works.
As a young one before I used to observe my surroundings a lot, I was aware of what wasn't needed. Maybe I heard things too, that I din't need to.
I never fully understood or grasped the idea of how our mind can sabotage us, how it can easily destroy us. I wonder why it doesn't self destruct though, maybe it also feels a sense to continue, to find something anew.
I don't like the idea of knowing, but I don't like the idea of not knowing. Both hurt in some way, they both hold me tightly in a way that I feel kind of tortured.
I don't wish to gain knowledge or awareness any more but I feel fear of not knowing either, when you find something that you don't know you get this uncomfortable feeling in your chest that makes you either curious or scared. Something not real in a sense I guess.
When I think about it, I kind of dislike everything but I don't hate it.
Its just overwhelming, to the points it's underwhelming, and that kind of thing tears my guts apart in some way.
It hurts, I wonder when I'll make up my mind already.
If just feels like two people in one body, and that really hurts.
