Venting Hate my migraines and other pains

[LilGhost]

Just a rant cause it seems like alcohol/at least whiskey is a new migraine trigger for me. Idk, i remember drinking champagne/wine when i was younger, i think tried my frist alco when i was like 11-12 (my parents were hella weird as my mother wanted me to be good w understanding alcohol) and I remember it once eased my headache I got after a fight with my parents (still remember. White wine, dark room with Soviet movie and vanilla ice cream. Rare apology I got from my father). But I genuinely didn't touch a drop (except for like 3-4 times, immediately got migraines from few sips with cider and whiskey) ever since i moved to college, perhaps i could develop it as trigger cause ive been on antidepressants for long time? Idk. Mb it's not even related but it is sus I started having migraine coming like two small sips in

I just hate migraines. I already suffer through other physical and mental disabilities and I fucking hate pain. I hate how much I'm missing out on my life cause of them. I can't do active hangouts with my friends, my legs are to weak for it. I can't go out in loud spaces. I'll get overstimulated. I can't even fucking laugh to much or I'll get a fucking headache. My whole fucking life is around me trying to get better. And doctors can't do much. I feel desperate. I just fucking hate hate hate hate. Even writing it causes me pain.

Worst thing. I got to work despite it all. Or I wouldn't be able to afford well…. Being here. I could perhaps try to somehow survive on a part time and disability pension, but I am an immigrant so I'll get deported. And I can't go back to Russia. It's suffocating in there. Ai, dictatorship, censorship, people ignorance, my family, pain, genocide the government makes, homophobia and transphobia. The lack of empathy towards others (like propaganda people fall for…..). I just can't see it all again.
I fucking hate capitalism. I can't even afford proper accessibility aids as it's not covered in my insurance. Hate how much I need to do just to survive. It just doesn't worth it.
Why my body is so rotten?
I'm sorry. Just needed a place to put my rage as I don't even have enough strength rn to cry. Thanks to who read

 

[unluckysadness]

Alcohol is not good at all for migraines (wine is the worst I think because of sulphites). I've experienced migraine for years when I worked (it was chronic at the end). But I realized that when I stopped working (because of my other disabilities), migraines disappeared. So the link with chronic stress was evident for me. I tried so many medications and therapies (didn't work), and now I'm at home since almost 5 years and it's very rare when I have migraine (when I worked it was every single day...) I did never drink alcohol and I don't smoke. But I eat junk food and I watch screens all day long. This is just my experience. Unfortunately no magic cure. I wish you the best