Has anyone you love ever ctb'ed, or intended/attempted to ctb?

[Hecuba]

No one I am close to has ever ctb'ed. My father had an attempt. I don't know how far he got with it. I found out when I was very young, probably elementary school. We were at a gathering and people were expressing concern about someone else in my family. My dad was drunk and started talking about the time when he was close to ctb. He thought I was sleeping. I wasn't. I started sobbing hysterically and asked him if attempting suicide is something that happens only once in someone's life. He said yes.

Somehow, I never thought of that day when I was close to ctb. It came to mind now, when I started considering recovery.

I want to hear your stories!

 

[return2dreamland]

i've had several moments of heavy suicidal ideation where id overdose or attempt hanging even though i knew it wouldn't get anywhere but there's only been one moment in my life where i truly intended to ctb, which was in december of 2020. i don't remember what drove me to that point but i overdosed and was sent to the hospital to be monitored overnight. the attempt itself wasn't as bad as it could of been but the fact that i dont remember a thing from then and since then ive had terrible memory i think that attempt led to my worsening memory issues.
also, i suppose your dad was, in a way, right about the "attempting suicide only happens once" thing (for me at least). even though i've been at an even lower point than i was when i attempted, i haven't tried anything (seriously) since. huh!

 

[motel rooms]

Yes, but I don't feel like writing about it for the umpteenth time.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

My mother did, when she had terminal lung cancer over a year ago. She had applied for MAID, but it was taking too long, so she did it herself.

 

[marinekiwi]

A good friend of mine overdosed on heroin when we were 17.
I was smoking weed and having a good time just the day before.
The next day I was going to meet him at the park. That morning his brother called me. He was found dead in his bed, with the needles beside him.
The autopsy ruled OD, but we all knew he just ctb'd.
We were in a group of outcasts, always talking about how shitty life was (and is) and discussing ways to ctb.
While I was shocked, I'll always secretly admire him for having the guts to actually ctb at such young age. He was so brave. He left when he wanted, not like me, too coward to even drink that simple glass of sn I have there.
I'm sure heroin od is not as painless as the sn, yet he went through it.
Such a brave soul and good friend.

 

[lostautist]

My mother. She didn't succeed. It was my fault. I called but did not know.

 

[Wrennie]

I'm unique in that I'm the only one in my family that was ever horrifically abused enough to crave death. That spot on the bus was reserved just for me I guess. Hurrah?

 

[milly]

My sister OD'd. My brother full hanging.

 

[OrcWitch]

My gf tried to ctb when she was in highschool. She failed and didn't tell anyone, no hospitalization or family getting involved or anything.

 

[bleeeeeep]

one of my close friends from school attempted to ctb a number of times. i adored her, she was the sweetest person i'd ever met. we have somewhat limited contact now and i'm unsure what she is up to, but as far as i know she is alive. i really hope she is doing better than she was a few years ago.

i remember a day when she wanted to go back to hospital. i went with her on the train and held her hand the whole time because i was so afraid to leave her alone. it was a really hard day. there were quite a few hard days but she was always so kind and selfless, even when she was going through the most awful things that she never deserved.

 

[Josuyo]

My friend did but was triggered into doing it. They had been doing so much better until that point. It was just a few months after another failed attempt from myself. I kind of wonder if they wouldn't have done it if I had died before them.

I know far more people would be happier if they were still here instead of me.

 

[Deformationalplagio]

A good friend of mine overdosed on heroin when we were 17.
I was smoking weed and having a good time just the day before.
The next day I was going to meet him at the park. That morning his brother called me. He was found dead in his bed, with the needles beside him.
The autopsy ruled OD, but we all knew he just ctb'd.
We were in a group of outcasts, always talking about how shitty life was (and is) and discussing ways to ctb.
While I was shocked, I'll always secretly admire him for having the guts to actually ctb at such young age. He was so brave. He left when he wanted, not like me, too coward to even drink that simple glass of sn I have there.
I'm sure heroin od is not as painless as the sn, yet he went through it.
Such a brave soul and good friend.

Got a very similar story. A guy i used to know odt on heroin i saw him the day before he did it at a bustop. he had no shoes on but i didnt think twice about it because we all where kind of weird in our own way. Instead of sitting next to him on our way to the city i took a seat more in the back because i had it pretty rough myself and didn't want to talk a whole lot. The day after he was found death and his brother posted it on facebook. It was quite a shock for me and didn't expected it. I wonder if i could have helped. His name was sam, a good guy i still think alot about him even tho our relationship wasnt always that great. Not a whole lot of people posted on his fb in the last couple of years wich kind of disturbs me.

 

[Onkyo74893]

My mother did, when she had terminal lung cancer over a year ago. She had applied for MAID, but it was taking too long, so she did it herself.

What is MAID?

 

[Wrennie]

What is MAID?

"Medical Assistance in Dying"

 

[Onkyo74893]

"Medical Assistance in Dying"

Thanks

 

[NotSureToEndure]

My mum did when I was a young teen. Everyone acted like it was unexpected, but I think I knew she had been unhappy. Weirdly sort of blocked out that period of my life, I guess it was a coping mechanism.

 

[Crazy4u]

No. I will be the first one.

 

[stevieu]

A close friend caught the bus when he was 17. I was 19 at the time.

 

[clown_17]

When I was younger I had a codependent friendship with someone who was suicidal. They attempted a few times but never got close to succeeding. It's quite an emotionally draining thing, always wondering whether that person is alive or not.

 

[Faraknur]

Both Patents Tried it. My mum 2 Times and my dad one serious attempt and alot of small ones. Mum with Pille and Alkohol and dad Just with anything that was available. One WE where in a Bungalow in croatia He Tried to Cut bis wrists with Dull knifes then Ran around and wanted to Bus a motorcycle to Drive Into a Truck in the Road or Something. I despise him for that because of He would have done that He would have Hurt or killed an innocent Person that Just wanted to live their life
I am sorry for the autocorrect
so it is disabled. i am lazy xD

 

[Thankyoufortoday]

Back in freshman year of high school a friend of mine I had a crush on suddenly ctb. I had no idea he was even contemplating it. I had suicidal thoughts previously but they ramped up after this. I self harmed for the first time after this and my mental health gradually declined

 

[ihatemylife]

My brother. I'm so envious of him for having the balls to go thru with it.

 

[downndone2]

One of my best friends after he had an argument with his wife. He hing himself in a very bad way but I'm sure he broke his neck and likely didnt feel much pain or suffer long. It hurt me so deeply and really messed up my life
I guess I see my SI in a different way, premeditated almost. Trying to figure out a way to just look like I died in my sleep. But a medical examiner will pick up anything on toxicology screen

 

[peepo]

My mom tried to slit her wrist because of fight with the tenant. Fucking stupid but she panics at everything.

 

[ameliacecelia]

My brother. He has bipolar disorder. He had a plan to be a 'martyr' during the BLM protests during the worst manic episode I've seen. He didn't go through with it, but his behavior during that time and the consequences after were traumatic. I took care of him for 10 months after. I started to get sick before he moved in with me, but the more severe symptoms started a few months after. I did my best to take care of him. 2 years later, he's doing much better now.

 

[twilightfairy]

My mother made it a habit of taking overdoses all my life starting when I was young. It always landed her in hospital. It was so frequent that we got used to it sadly.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

The girl I loved the most was suicidal, but I think since I'm dead to her now there's some more peace. I probably made her think it was an option more by bringing up my desire to die.
I'm sorry.

 

[notaboutangels]

Both of my parents attempted before I was born. My dad had a mental breakdown a couple years ago and almost tried again in the next room after yelling and threatening my mom and throwing things messing with a loaded shotgun while I heard everything hiding in my bed room.

 

[quothTheRaven9]

A friend from school ctb'd in 2010, My boyfriend ctb'd in 2017. Since then it's been more and more of a thing I want to do..attempts at recovery have failed..now it's pretty much all I think about.

 

[ItHurtsSoMuch]

My ex-husband. We had not spoken for several years, but were not on bad terms. His stepmom, who raised him, had died a few years before from cancer. His daughter's mother had died from cancer a few months before. His dad died from cancer a couple of months before. He had been in chronic pain from a car accident, and had been drinking a lot and taking pain pills. I guess he just couldn't take it anymore. He shot himself, no note.