Has anyone here always felt left out since childhood?

[zzkhule]

19 here, I have always felt excluded from other people since kindergarten. I never made friends, and for most of my childhood, my lack of friends didn't bother me. The few people I could ever call "friends" ended up betraying me and bullying me nonstop. All the other kids would ignore me and never talk to me. It was as if I didn't exist to the world, and if I did, then I was a contemptible piece of shit who needed to be bullied.

This continued on for so many years. I joined my school's science olympiad team in 7th grade, and it was only at the end of the year I learned they had a group chat for chit-chat. The only time I made friends I really valued was in 8th grade, but in 9th grade (2020) they betrayed me and ostracized me. Ever since then, I have felt very lonely. It feels like people are inherently neglectful and could care less about me.

Nowadays, I just crave being loved. I wish there was somebody who would love me and value me and see me as their #1 person. But what happens if I go outside? Literally nobody gives a shit. You are alone in this world. You are trapped in your own head. You will never get close to anyone.

 

[Macedonian1987]

19 here, I have always felt excluded from other people since kindergarten. I never made friends, and for most of my childhood, my lack of friends didn't bother me. The few people I could ever call "friends" ended up betraying me and bullying me nonstop. All the other kids would ignore me and never talk to me. It was as if I didn't exist to the world, and if I did, then I was a contemptible piece of shit who needed to be bullied.

This continued on for so many years. I joined my school's science olympiad team in 7th grade, and it was only at the end of the year I learned they had a group chat for chit-chat. The only time I made friends I really valued was in 8th grade, but in 9th grade (2020) they betrayed me and ostracized me. Ever since then, I have felt very lonely. It feels like people are inherently neglectful and could care less about me.

Nowadays, I just crave being loved. I wish there was somebody who would love me and value me and see me as their #1 person. But what happens if I go outside? Literally nobody gives a shit. You are alone in this world. You are trapped in your own head. You will never get close to anyone.

I'm 39 and from the age of 4 (the earliest time I can remember) i was left out by all the kids. This continued throughout my entire life. I Never had a true friend nor a girlfriend. I was always surounded by people and yet i always felt like im on a deserted island.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i always struggled to make friends/got left out a lot. even the teacher noticed from when i was in kindergarten

 

[LastNite]

I'm 39 and from the age of 4 (the earliest time I can remember) i was left out by all the kids. This continued throughout my entire life. I Never had a true friend nor a girlfriend. I was always surounded by people and yet i always felt like im on a deserted island.

It's been the same for me since I was a kiddo. I doubt it'll change for me, I kind of got used to being without friends or anyone besides me. It's not something to feel nice or proud of, but I managed to accept it as it is and make peace with it. When someone online or irl wants to be friends with me I dont feel deserving of it and push it away and distance myself. It sucks but thats what Ive gotten used to.

 

[listerical]

i still struggle to not feel left out but the people im around dont do much to make me feel included tbh. but it's been the same for me since i was a kid, it's like i have some invisible barrier keeping everyone away from me

 

[notthatclever]

Yeah same.. it's been that way my entire life.. I'm fine being alone now.. don't want anybody around like that again..

I'm just completely done with other people.. I really just don't care anymore..


There is no god or humanity to have faith in or believe in.. so what's it matter..

Funny enough when I'm done with everybody.. they try to come back in my life.,

 

[Lamentice]

If other humans loved me then that would mean I'm just like them... really not something I want to be.

 

[CrowsFeather]

Same here. Led tout, bullied mercilessly, beaten, kicked, spat at, just for occupying the same room.

In my late twenties I found out I'm autistic and learned how to hide the traits relatively well. After that I made some friends. Or so I thought.
But none of them actually care. And if I drop the mask and let my struggles show for even a second, everyone vanishes again.

Now, with soon to be forty, I gave up on ever forming any real connection. Humans just don't want things like me around them.

 

[Pluto]

 

[violetforever]

yeah but ive come to realize im an awful friend and person in general so i should stop feeling bad for myself

 

[Kokonoe]

yes

 

[itsgone2]

Yes like most here I was never normal
That's the main thing. Left out of normal human behavior

 

[LRkin]

Yep. The only "friends" I had were the children of my mother's friends. But we had no real connections, so they just ignored me. The only reason I wasn't bullied was my ability to make other kids laugh and helping them out during tests.

 

[emotionallyravaged]

i still struggle to not feel left out but the people im around dont do much to make me feel included tbh. but it's been the same for me since i was a kid, it's like i have some invisible barrier keeping everyone away from me

I relate to this heavily and it's something I've always struggled to understand. When I've found myself in a group of people I know and there's someone new, I always make an effort to ask that person about themselves and make conversation to ensure they feel welcomed and included. But when the shoe is on the other foot, just nothing. I've found when I'm the new person in a group, very few people ever make even the most remote effort to make me feel included. I just don't get it.

Not long ago, my girlfriend invited me to hang out with her friend group and while they were friendly and not outright rude, nobody asked me anything about myself or attempted to include me in discussions. I attempted to initiate by asking people about themselves, but got pretty flat responses and no attempts to continue a conversation with me. Meanwhile, they spent the entire night telling these inside stories where I couldn't understand what they were talking about because it required context I didn't have, so I just sat and kind of laughed in response. I felt my desire to die growing exponentially in situations like this because I just felt like such an outsider and incapable of relating to "regular" people.

 

[imagonner]

same here... and when bad things happened, i had no one to turn to for support... life is not for me

 

[Spite]

Always. I feel like I don't belong in this world. I've been fighting my whole life to be accepted by some sort of friend group, or anything like that, and I'm starting to give up entirely on it. I think I was destined to be a permanent outcast - always left out.

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

yes because im autistic it always feels like i am missing something when i relate to other people and that there is something different about me but i cant quite put my finger on what it is, social connection is hard for everybody, but other people make it look so effortless

 

[MongolianCarlsJr]

Short answer: yes.
Long answer: definitely yes. And for the last paragraph that's really relatable, my best friend just unfollowed me and I feel like no one ever wanted me... I've never been more alone in my life.

 

[foreverfalling]

I vividly remember the many times I've been left out or rejected in childhood. Never got better into adulthood. Even when online, it seems people can sniff me out and find ways to reject me.

I'm tired now and I don't expect anything other than being alone and left out.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

i still struggle to not feel left out but the people im around dont do much to make me feel included tbh. but it's been the same for me since i was a kid, it's like i have some invisible barrier keeping everyone away from me

The only reason I wasn't bullied was my ability to make other kids laugh and helping them out during tests.

Or be otherwise of help/able to provide something people wanted or needed. That continued in adult life. The second I wasn't useful I was ignored at best, discarded or vilified for having a differing opinion (no matter how well grounded) at worst.

yes because im autistic it always feels like i am missing something when i relate to other people and that there is something different about me but i cant quite put my finger on what it is, social connection is hard for everybody, but other people make it look so effortless

Apart from being autistic (or maybe I am, it remains undecided as no one really made an effort to find out) this is extremely relatable.

All of these statements were the most relatable in the thread for me. Most of my childhood I was bullied more or less, even tho I witnessed people who were bullied in worse ways. When I wasn't I was at still left out most of the time. While there was short periods where it was a little less the case for reasons I can't quite name the overall pattern and end result never changed.
I feel there is more about this I would want to say but I can't really put it into words.

 

[solely.pain]

yes, I used to think I had some friends in childhood until I realized they were avoiding me and never wanted to hang out. Now that I'm older, I still have nobody.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

For me, I've always had people around me, but I've felt like I'm 'replacable' for most people. I've thought of myself as a last resort for people. Like even the people I considered my best friends only ever reached out to me if no one else was available.

I feel like that hasn't changed much, but I've made peace with it. It is what it is.