Discussion Has anyone else been more motivated to make their days count since deciding to ctb/finding a method?

[FutureHanger]

A few days ago I got hit with this spike of motivation to quit some stuff I do that pointlessly keeps me even more down since I just had this realisation of "If I'm gonna die anyways I might as well make my last days more enjoyable/less miserable" and "If my life is already shit no point in me doing stuff that makes it worse" so now I've started doing more stuff to pass time when bored instead of just doomscrolling neurotically and am slowly quitting some mental habits that've dragged me down. I already knew that when you're suicidal you get hit with this sense of relief and happiness but I didn't expect it to ironically make me improve my life a little, although the feeling of it all being pointless is still there I am more motivated to do stuff since I no longer worry about whether it'll really make me happy in the long run or if it's just the cycle of me being temporarily happy for a few hours to a few days just to end up getting depressed again.

 

[loslassen]

I had a similar feeling before I chose my suicide date (and promptly failed my attempt) I didn't know if I was ready but I started acting normal again, reassuring people who expressed concern towards me, started writing letters, after my failed attempt I seemed more cheery, still do, but it's kinda just a facade, I feel incredibly numb actually. I tried a new hobby and bettered my habits, mostly a 50/50 bet to see if I could actually feel better, I haven't figured it out, but yeah, you feel some kind of relief, even excitement to live

 

[Abyssal]

The days get worse. I become worse. Motivation is gone. I don't know why I set a date so far.

So, no.

 

[drag201]

Yeah, even though I don't have a "set date" to ctb, I know it's gonna be soon. I try to make the most out of things like make new friends and go out to new places and experience new things for example. Since I know it's eventually coming to an end I want to make the best out of everything like you said. It also just makes me feel more grateful for all the things that happened to me.

 

[nopointinlivingg]

I don't feel joy or relief from anything whatsoever so trying to force some superficial form of that before I go would be pointless.

 

[whats_the_point]

Not really. Rather, the days are filled with dread. I don't want to fail because that will be the worst outcome.