has anyone else been affected someone else's ctb?

[haibiantou]

i had my own mental health issues beforehand but my thoughts of wanting to ctb have been strongly increased since my friend jumped off a cliff in July.

it's strange because i'm left behind and can see how this has literally torn his family and friends apart so that should motivate me to keep going bc i don't want to inflict that on my own friends and family... but really it just makes me feel like i want to die even more

was just wondering if anyone else had lost people to suicide and if that influenced/triggered their own thoughts?
also damn i can't type
the title should be 'has anyone else been affected *BY* someone else's ctb?

 

[Naufrago]

I was affected by people who threw themselves in front of the train I was driving. I take rivotril so I don't have nightmares.

 

[haibiantou]

oh god i'm so sorry to hear that, it sounds incredibly traumatic. thank you for sharing

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

I met someone in this forum, talked for 25 days via Discord and we both ordered SN. Mine got stopped at customs and destroyed but his, he got his. I accompanied him during his last moments and the silence was unsettling. I felt as if I had a debt with death itself, he left with the idea that I wanted to ctb but I have not, so sometimes I feel like I owe that to him and life itself.

 

[Naufrago]

I met someone in this forum, talked for 25 days via Discord and we both ordered SN. Mine got stopped at customs and destroyed but his, he got his. I accompanied him during his last moments and the silence was unsettling. I felt as if I had a debt with death itself, he left with the idea that I wanted to ctb but I have not, so sometimes I feel like I owe that to him and life itself.

I understand the bond you've created, almost a pact. Don't feel guilty, he was already decided. You didn't raise him. Whoever entered the SS already has one foot in the grave.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

I understand the bond you've created, almost a pact. Don't feel guilty, he was already decided. You didn't raise him. Whoever entered the SS already has one foot in the grave.

Yeah, I mean I no longer feel guilty, it's been around a year since that happened and I'm pretty much over it, but the feelings and memories of back then will still accompany me.

I hope he is in peace now.

 

[Rational man]

My grandfather gassed himself and my father escaped from the care home in his attempt to dive under a lorry. I lost three colleagues and a couple of friends too. There was initial shock, but I respected their actions. Who am I to judge!❤

 

[corpse_prince]

People used to kill themselves often in the university I went to. You get numb after a while.
But everytime it did happen, I'd feel bad for not being able to do it myself. Thoughts like "if they did it, then why can't I", or " It makes no sense for me to keep going on, being this pathetic, when this person did it".
But there's also an anger at how the system/situation made it so bad for those people that makes me want to do something about it. It's conflicting, and eventually you move past it. The fact that it was never anyone in my close circle probably made it easier.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

Yep my best mate hung himself 4 and a half years ago. I understand why he did it, but to say it didnt fuck me up beyond repair is an understatement.

 

[haibiantou]

Yep my best mate hung himself 4 and a half years ago. I understand why he did it, but to say it didnt fuck me up beyond repair is an understatement.

Thank you for sharing and I'm really sorry to hear of your loss.

It's strange, in one moment I feel so heartbroken and angry at my friend for leaving but in the same moment I would also do the same thing myself (if I had a little more conviction and courage).

 

[Manaaja]

I got a huge fear of death after my relative died. I couldn't sleep well, and I'd literally wake up pulling my hair and thinking "We are all going to die someday!". I couldn't even watch television because even seeing a caterpillar die would make me crazy. Then I just gradually got over it somehow.

 

[Seiba]

One person I barely knew did, it was a bit after my attempt. Didn't really change anything about myself, probably helped I thought people deserved the ability to leave. Aside from that I don't have complete closure but I believe a friend that transitioned into being an online friend around the era of my homeschooling was a possible suicide. He was banned from his college (forced medical leave because of suicide attempt) and forced to go to mental health therapist and the like for at least six months to be able to get back in. He went to a decent amount of therapist, but he ended up with a diagnosis of anti social personality disorder and bipolar which he did not consider to be logical. He went to the others to try to get the diagnosis removed but wasn't really working out. That aside, he never got back to me in years so I figure he probably ended his life.

 

[wonderworld]

yeah, i was in ss discord server and a couple of people on there have passed on and I still think about them even though I never met them in person

 

[needingpeace24]

I've had a few. One jumped from a parking garage and another shot himself in the head. Multiple drug overdoses that I suspect were intentional.

Made me think long and hard about how someone could make that choice at the time. Now I fully understand.

 

[ihatemylife]

i had my own mental health issues beforehand but my thoughts of wanting to ctb have been strongly increased since my friend jumped off a cliff in July.

it's strange because i'm left behind and can see how this has literally torn his family and friends apart so that should motivate me to keep going bc i don't want to inflict that on my own friends and family... but really it just makes me feel like i want to die even more

was just wondering if anyone else had lost people to suicide and if that influenced/triggered their own thoughts?
also damn i can't type
the title should be 'has anyone else been affected *BY* someone else's ctb?

my brother did last new year's eve. I wish I knew what he was planning. I would have went with him.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

i had my own mental health issues beforehand but my thoughts of wanting to ctb have been strongly increased since my friend jumped off a cliff in July.

it's strange because i'm left behind and can see how this has literally torn his family and friends apart so that should motivate me to keep going bc i don't want to inflict that on my own friends and family... but really it just makes me feel like i want to die even more

was just wondering if anyone else had lost people to suicide and if that influenced/triggered their own thoughts?
also damn i can't type
the title should be 'has anyone else been affected *BY* someone else's ctb?

Yes. One of my mates Ctb too and I always knew she's gonna do it. I don't hate her for doing that but I can't help but feel left behind, since she always knew how I felt about ctb myself.