Venting Has anyone broke you?

[WinterIsComing]

Has someone messed with your mind so bad that they ended up breaking you apart. Ever since I met them I havent been the same, they tore my brain apart. They kept loving and hating me to the point my brain just broke. I dont know who I am, i dont feel real, I feel like an entity that's here just to create. I attempted last night, it did workout well I wouldn't call it an attempt more of a practice. They ruined me I was so.much happier before I met them. I was in a dark place, but they sent me to a place even darker, a place where I wont come put alive. My heart is turning cold, my empathy is going away, my emotions are nothing and I'm losing interest in life itself. Who am I? How did i get here? I dont know anymore, I just need to keep creating, my self is going to vanish soon. Love is dangerous and unempathetic, love can destroy your whole psyche. Especially at the hands of someone who wants your soul.

Sounds a cluster B.

 

[pole]

I'm assuming most people here hate themselves as well, as it is a forum for those wanting to commit suicide. I've had loving relationships, most recently with a loving angelic girl who I treated terribly. I wasn't violent but sometimes was verbally abusive. Especially when drunk. Through it all though( she left), I never wanted to hurt her. I just didn't love myself to not constantly do wrong, whether it be infidelity(constantly) or being rude to her because I was in a bad mood/ feeling bad about something.
As terrible as I was to her, it certainly never brought me any joy to be bad to her. I always felt guilty with the cheating.
Honestly losing her and a recent medical diagnosis is why I need to CTB.
But either way I think that often people hurt the people that care for them the most because they don't feel that they deserve love. I think the population of true sadists, as in people that know they've hurt another person and it makes them feel good, has got to be really small.

i definitely think theres alot more true sadists than we realize. But of course, we just dont recognize or dont know how many there are. they thrive off opportunity. i mean, they could even be one of your friends for fucks sake. i definitely think theres many, and it isnt a small population, there just isnt that many open ended opportunities out there for true sadists to be taking advantage of, and of course true sadists tend to usually be a specific type of person. they arent the type of people to openly commit and act on many things, simply because of who they are, in terms of depressed, lonely, wierd, etc. thus, they really arent seen as a norm in society today. but yeah, i believe theres more than we know.

Masochists experience pure joy while the partner is abusing/controlling them, they love giving up autonomy because it is giving up responsibility.
They only hurt *after* the partner leaves/stops the abuse. Then it's all "look how they hurt me!"

I've seen about 30 posts since iv joined this site regarding this. people who have been abused and punished wishing to go back to their abusive partners because they like and thrive off that negativity and abuse and control. obviously theres more to it psychologically, but you definitely aren't wrong. that happens so much.

 

[not_a_robot]

Yeah, i dont think anyones just truly broken and thats why they do what they do, and commit such disgusting acts. you can see it in criminals and why they commit such heinous acts, and just regular people who couldnt give 10 shits about their significant other and cheat on them in a split second without no hesitation. thats just the type of people they are.

Exactly. I was a prostitute, I have seen enough men cheat to be well aware of how "guilty" they feel. Never feel guilty enough *not* to call up a stranger and pay for sex. But always feel just terrible when they get caught.
And to pretend hurting the girlfriend as a way to wallow in feeling bad about *himself* wasn't sadistic...
/eyeroll
Ok, buddy.

 

[Seven]

I thought it would get better over time but this parasite is just too much for me to handle. I'm losing myself, I dont know who I am. The pain is unbearable, I dont know what to do. It's in my core festering on the little bit of light I have. I dont want to become an abomination. I keep fighting it but I dont know what to do. It keeps going deeper and deeper and deeper. The parasite will eventually change my body, it will be unrecognizable. Soon I will be unrecognizable, and eventually I will fade

 

[not_a_robot]

i definitely think theres alot more true sadists than we realize. But of course, we just dont recognize or dont know how many there are. they thrive off opportunity. i mean, they could even be one of your friends for fucks sake. i definitely think theres many, and it isnt a small population, there just isnt that many open ended opportunities out there for true sadists to be taking advantage of, and of course true sadists tend to usually be a specific type of person. they arent the type of people to openly commit and act on many things, simply because of who they are, in terms of depressed, lonely, wierd, etc. thus, they really arent seen as a norm in society today. but yeah, i believe theres more than we know.

I've seen about 30 posts since iv joined this site regarding this. people who have been abused and punished wishing to go back to their abusive partners because they like and thrive off that negativity and abuse and control. obviously theres more to it psychologically, but you definitely aren't wrong. that happens so much.

The smart sadists become doctors.
The stupid sadists become clinical psychologists and social workers.

Just kidding, they infest all professions.

 

[WinterIsComing]

I thought it would get better over time but this parasite is just too much for me to handle. I'm losing myself, I dont know who I am. The pain is unbearable, I dont know what to do. It's in my core festering on the little bit of light I have. I dont want to become an abomination. I keep fighting it but I dont know what to do. It keeps going deeper and deeper and deeper. The parasite will eventually change my body, it will be unrecognizable. Soon I will be unrecognizable, and eventually I will fade

Did he/she made you gaslighting?, made you feel like you are crazy? all was your fault and they made nothing wrong?

 

[pole]

Exactly. I was a prostitute, I have seen enough men cheat to be well aware of how "guilty" they feel. Never feel guilty enough *not* to call up a stranger and pay for sex. But always feel just terrible when they get caught.
And to pretend hurting the girlfriend as a way to wallow in feeling bad about *himself* wasn't sadistic...
/eyeroll
Ok, buddy.

or they somehow never quiet feel guilty when going out of there way and dming another girl. planning to meet with them. Or just be out and about, and try and force yourself onto another girl, cheat, then all of a sudden feel so bad and sorry for what you did, when you fully had the split second to think about what you were doing when you were doing it.

I had a friend last year, my best friend, who i loved really like a brother, do something like this. i never open up to people, but i did to him about how i felt about my ex and how much she meant to me, and how much i wanted to get back with her. 2 days later, hes texting me about how i should try and talk to her, tell her how i feel if im still crazy about her; only to have a one night stand with her that same night. probably what sent me into my first episode. months later, texts me a fully apologetic paragraph. But he isnt the type of person to apologize, hes a man whore, all he does is hook up with 15-20 girls, doesnt give a single shit. and when he texted me this apology, i was suprised. Come the next day, i see him drunk out of his mind that night. no wonder he got the courage to apologize, he didnt feel bad, he was just wasted.

some people are emotionless, they just DONT GIVE A FUCK. and all this oh but they did it cause they were hurting, or that they had a valid reason and all of a sudden genuinly feel bad, nah fuck that shit. thats just some justification and i genuinly feel sorry for anyone who believes that shit and actually takes people back that absolutely did them wrong.

 

[Seven]

Did he/she made you gaslighting?, made you feel like you are crazy? all was your fault and they made nothing wrong?

Yeah.. I feel like I did bad maybe I did. I dont know what to believe in anymore. I just feel pain but I deserve it.

 

[WinterIsComing]

Yeah.. I feel like I did bad maybe I did. I dont know what to believe in anymore. I just feel pain but I deserve it.

You have your own problems, made mistakes but you acknowledge them, they don't.
That's a huge difference between you and them.

Read about manipulation, smear campaign from cluster B's (narcissists, antisocial, histrionic, borderline), drama triangle.
If they have those traits,block them, think of them like a broken nuclear reactor (Chernobyl) and run....

 

[IMALB]

I thought it would get better over time but this parasite is just too much for me to handle. I'm losing myself, I dont know who I am. The pain is unbearable, I dont know what to do. It's in my core festering on the little bit of light I have. I dont want to become an abomination. I keep fighting it but I dont know what to do. It keeps going deeper and deeper and deeper. The parasite will eventually change my body, it will be unrecognizable. Soon I will be unrecognizable, and eventually I will fade

Difficult to find many explanations more valid than this .......

 

[not_a_robot]

I thought it would get better over time but this parasite is just too much for me to handle. I'm losing myself, I dont know who I am. The pain is unbearable, I dont know what to do. It's in my core festering on the little bit of light I have. I dont want to become an abomination. I keep fighting it but I dont know what to do. It keeps going deeper and deeper and deeper. The parasite will eventually change my body, it will be unrecognizable. Soon I will be unrecognizable, and eventually I will fade

Nice profile pic. What is that, female legs with panties down and disembowelled?
Hard to tell...

 

[lastNamePicked]

Do you think that they actually enjoy watching people fall apart or are just broken souls themselves?

depending on the degree to which the disorder is shown they might even become addicted to repeating the same destructive cycle with more and more people over and over again. they do actually enjoy it, yes. that is exactly the problem: empathic people cannot possibly comprehend this. some may even try to fix that person with 'love'. big LOL right there, cluster Bs view love as weakness. they will LOL behind your back about how stupid you supposedly are.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Has someone messed with your mind so bad that they ended up breaking you apart. Ever since I met them I havent been the same, they tore my brain apart. They kept loving and hating me to the point my brain just broke. I dont know who I am, i dont feel real, I feel like an entity that's here just to create. I attempted last night, it did workout well I wouldn't call it an attempt more of a practice. They ruined me I was so.much happier before I met them. I was in a dark place, but they sent me to a place even darker, a place where I wont come put alive. My heart is turning cold, my empathy is going away, my emotions are nothing and I'm losing interest in life itself. Who am I? How did i get here? I dont know anymore, I just need to keep creating, my self is going to vanish soon. Love is dangerous and unempathetic, love can destroy your whole psyche. Especially at the hands of someone who wants your soul.

I mean hasn't everyone here? If I hadn't been broken, i'm sure things would have turned out better. Too late now though.

 

[WinterIsComing]

depending on the degree to which the disorder is shown they might even become addicted to repeating the same destructive cycle with more and more people over and over again. they do actually enjoy it, yes. that is exactly the problem: empathic people cannot possibly comprehend this. some may even try to fix that person with 'love'. big LOL right there, cluster Bs view love as weakness. they will LOL behind your back about how stupid you supposedly are.

The cluster B smirked some times in conflicts, loved a yandere character, put her name (yuno gassai), did a big tattoo on her shoulder with a horned girl and made a character for her animation class that was a masochist with a whip and told she was her......

I guess she liked it.

 

[not_a_robot]

depending on the degree to which the disorder is shown they might even become addicted to repeating the same destructive cycle with more and more people over and over again. they do actually enjoy it, yes. that is exactly the problem: empathic people cannot possibly comprehend this. some may even try to fix that person with 'love'. big LOL right there, cluster Bs view love as weakness. they will LOL behind your back about how stupid you supposedly are.

Someone who constantly complains they are always taken advantage of will tell you with a straight face that psychopaths are just hurting and in need of support.
The prey are as addicted to it as the predators. It's the Circle of Life, Simba.

 

[lastNamePicked]

The cluster B smirked some times in conflicts, loved a yandere character, put her name (yuno gassai), did a big tattoo on her shoulder with a horned girl and made a character for her animation class that was a masochist with a whip and told she was her......

I guess she liked it.

i watched the anime where that character is displayed, it is rather popular. that very character is absolutely insane.

Someone who constantly complains they are always taken advantage of will tell you with a straight face that psychopaths are just hurting and in need of support.
The prey are as addicted to it as the predators. It's the Circle of Life, Simba.

that's what's funny about it: there is a cluster of disorders (cluster C) of people who match perfectly with cluster B folks. these people show tendencies of strong dependence. they wanna make it right for someone in particular. they give, the cluster Bs take.
Both cope for emotional neglect during early childhood. it's kinda like you have two different coping mechanisms trying to cancel each other out.

 

[not_a_robot]

Nice profile pic. What is that, female legs with panties down and disembowelled?
Hard to tell...

Wait is it some kinda creepy alien birth?

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Wait is it some kinda creepy alien birth?

it was a facehugger

 

[not_a_robot]

it was a facehugger

face humper?

 

[Deleted member 8975]

face humper?

lol that's much better :P

 

[bruisedmind]

Yes, this has happened to me. I thought he loved me, made me think so. And dropped me when things got rough. Every time I try and message him now his responses are cruel. I was convinced before we connected that I'd never find anyone who made me feel like he used to. Part of me wants to believe he still cares a little but the evidence isn't there. I wanted to kill myself anyway, all of this has made me realise my pain won't ever end until I'm gone

 

[WinterIsComing]

i watched the anime where that character is displayed, it is rather popular. that very character is absolutely insane.

Oh maybe that's where she came with threatening to kill my friends with a knife....
I have asked in reddit and they can partner with psychopaths/sociopaths,narcissists, other BPD specialy those with co dependency traits which could be anyone with that.

 

[Seven]

You have your own problems, made mistakes but you acknowledge them, they don't.
That's a huge difference between you and them.

Read about manipulation, smear campaign from cluster B's (narcissists, antisocial, histrionic, borderline), drama triangle.
If they have those traits,block them, think of them like a broken nuclear reactor (Chernobyl) and run....

Yeah I dont know I wasn't the best for the first few months I was pretty bad. I said alot of hurtful and mean things, no matter how much I atone and try to change I can't undo that. I feel like I deserve this, all of this happening. She kept calling me cold and unempathetic but now I feel like I'm starting to turn into what she says. I feel very cold now, I can't stop shivering and I feel like nothing is inside of me, the parasite keeps festering into my heart. At this point it's just eating my insides. I want to hate her, I do but I can't I care too much I dont know why. I miss the girl who loved me, the one who encouraged me but she's gone, she's never coming back.

 

[Going Home]

That's why I came to this site. I refuse to live imprisoned by these people.

A couple of them are rich. A couple of them are just evil people, but they are all symbolic of what this world has become. One of the women is in her mid 30s.

I may not be here when it happens but their evil will be returned to them. I'll rest easy because I truly believe that.

 

[Pistolero114]

Has someone messed with your mind so bad that they ended up breaking you apart. Ever since I met them I havent been the same, they tore my brain apart. They kept loving and hating me to the point my brain just broke. I dont know who I am, i dont feel real, I feel like an entity that's here just to create. I attempted last night, it did workout well I wouldn't call it an attempt more of a practice. They ruined me I was so.much happier before I met them. I was in a dark place, but they sent me to a place even darker, a place where I wont come put alive. My heart is turning cold, my empathy is going away, my emotions are nothing and I'm losing interest in life itself. Who am I? How did i get here? I dont know anymore, I just need to keep creating, my self is going to vanish soon. Love is dangerous and unempathetic, love can destroy your whole psyche. Especially at the hands of someone who wants your soul.

What do you create? Art; music, anything like that?

 

[Seven]

What do you create? Art; music, anything like that?

Yeah I create alot I have something I'm working in that's helping me cope for now. It gets my mind off of it but it doesnt help too much just a but

 

[Codieb1]

My family. Literally everyone from school, including teachers. My current partner. I'm so broken that I've never been able to tell if it's *them* that broke me, or if maybe I'm just not fit to live in this world

 

[SinisterKid]

Ha, a few people have fuckin tried, but failed miserably. I am only broken because I broke myself. I am way to rebellious to allow anyone the satisfaction of seeing me broken. I have cried, I have screamed at all the injustices of living, but no one has had the pleasure of seeing me admit defeat because of anything they could possibly be responsible for. The mistakes are my own. I am here because I have had enough, not because someone drove me to it. Although Dick Robot has come close a couple of times

 

[Final Escape]

Temporarily yes. I had lived with a couple women with cluster B disorders and once I realized I got the heck out of there lol! I got involved with a couple of men too with bpd or narcissistic personality disorder. It was extremely difficult to leave one of them. He wore me down psychologically. The one after him I was wise to what was going on and got away sooner. You tend to pick the same types unless u resolve your own issues. I was at least able to get away. Some people end up staying for decades with one of these types. They can ruin your mental and physical health over time. My mother was a cluster B and she did cause psychological damage. This is where it started. I was raised around these types.

 

[azucaramargo]

only to have a one night stand with her that same night

That is truly sadistic behavior on your friend's part. Disgusting.