Discussion Hard to see us losing so many people on this site

[Amira]

I don't want to be a hypocrite. But dont you ever feel sad to see all these innocent souls suffer so much and be driven to ctb. Hearing them talk about wanting to ctb is one thing. But , actually finding out that they did it is heartbreaking.It makes me wonder why we were even given life in the first place, if we are going be driven to CTB. Like whats the point.

 

[Paulsmith]

Totally agree.

 

[Angel]

Keep looking out for burning lights see if he has succeeded.

 

[Jodes]

I don't want to be a hypocrite. But dont you ever feel sad to see all these innocent souls suffer so much and be driven to ctb. Hearing them talk about wanting to ctb is one thing. But , actually finding out that they did it is heartbreaking.It makes me wonder why we were even given life in the first place, if we are going be driven to CTB. Like whats the point.

We were given life to follow our drive. If someone achieved that their whole life, they are very very lucky. Live well, die well?? Or am I a total freak who has lost the plot entirely :( Sorry... omg im depressing everyone!!!

 

[Jiva]

Everybody here, we are standing on a edge of a abyss and looking for a journey (in the forward, or in the backward?). What is better for me?

 

[Help_Me]

Totally relate to this. I wanted to start exactly the same topic, to be honest... I feel a bit uneasy watching almost everyone here ctb sooner or later. Ofc I am happy if they went away peacefully and their suffering are finally ended, but the fact someone ctb and I talked to him the day before ... makes me uneasy. This is the endless stream of forum users : they are changing almost every month. Most of the users from my following list either passed away or requested ban...

 

[Miss clefable]

Yes :(

 

[checking out]

Until a few days ago I had not cried for years. Prior to that I cried so much that I would dehydrate myself. No, really. I cried so hard it hurt. I cried so much I could hardly breathe. Then it stopped. I ran out of tears. I was sad all the time but I never cried. I kind of lost all emotion. That was until a few days ago. I was on this site and someone was leaving. Leaving for ever. I had never met the person. I had never responded to their posts. I read the well-wishes and the person's responses. In those messages I saw respect, care, concern, sorrow and love. And I cried.

 

[Amira]

Totally relate to this. I wanted to start exactly the same topic, to be honest... I feel a bit uneasy watching almost everyone here ctb sooner or later. Ofc I am happy if they went away peacefully and their suffering are finally ended, but the fact someone ctb and I talked to him the day before ... makes me uneasy. This is the endless stream of forum users : they are changing almost every month. Most of the users from my following list either passed away or requested ban...

Yes it hurts alot.

 

[Amira]

Until a few days ago I had not cried for years. Prior to that I cried so much that I would dehydrate myself. No, really. I cried so hard it hurt. I cried so much I could hardly breathe. Then it stopped. I ran out of tears. I was sad all the time but I never cried. I kind of lost all emotion. That was until a few days ago. I was on this site and someone was leaving. Leaving for ever. I had never met the person. I had never responded to their posts. I read the well-wishes and the person's responses. In those messages I saw respect, care, concern, sorrow and love. And I cried.

Hugs Tightly <3

 

[checking out]

Hugs help a lot

 

[Louise]

Until a few days ago I had not cried for years. Prior to that I cried so much that I would dehydrate myself. No, really. I cried so hard it hurt. I cried so much I could hardly breathe. Then it stopped. I ran out of tears. I was sad all the time but I never cried. I kind of lost all emotion. That was until a few days ago. I was on this site and someone was leaving. Leaving for ever. I had never met the person. I had never responded to their posts. I read the well-wishes and the person's responses. In those messages I saw respect, care, concern, sorrow and love. And I cried.

I really related to this. I too used to cry so much and finally lost the ability to cry completely.

Very mixed emotions about the losses. I haven't been here long. I noticed Schopenhauer's passing, he seemed very certain and well prepared. There have been other goodbye threads, one wasn't genuine, others failed. I've been on suicide methods and pro choice sites for about seven years now. I've watched many people go but not have talked with them directly on the whole. One I talked to at some length on a chat who had N showed up in a news story with an actual body. That hit me the hardest, he was the same age as my son and had said he thought of me as a mother figure. :(

 

[checking out]

I can't imagine how hard that must have been. It's a paradox isn't it. Many of us on this site are united in a desire to end out lives, and yet when one of us succeeds...

 

[Amira]

I can't imagine how hard that must have been. It's a paradox isn't it. Many of us on this site are united in a desire to end out lives, and yet when one of us succeeds...

Exactly

 

[loz]

I am relatively new to this site, but I just had my first experience with someone I'm close with ctb. It is crushing. I'm happy they found their peace, but it is tough to ignore my selfish desires to want companionship. Luckily there is still a huge beautiful community for me here for as long as I last.

 

[Threads]

This sort of community is going to be very transient. People come and people go. Some stay longer than others. If you stay here another month, you'll see the chatroom and forums dominated by a bunch of new posters. Typically every 30 - 60 days, I notice a new infusion of users that replace the ones that are gone. The forum is growing, for every user that CTB's we're getting 1.1 more users or something.

I think that's good? I'm not sure.

 

[iiii5555]

I don't know. I am also kinda knew to this forum, and i didn't have the chance to experience this kind of thing, but i don't think i ever will. I can't really connect with anyone over the internet to the extent of having any reaction. I don't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing.

 

[Lady black]

For me it´s also sad, cause I wish I would be the next that leaves

 

[Trashcan]

It's bittersweet imo. I miss them, it's sad they were driven to that point, but I'm also happy that they have found peace.

 

[TAW122]

Yeah, I feel sad too when I hear that someone is leaving and that I wished they could have been around here a bit longer on this forum as well as the community. However, at the same time, I respect their decision and understand that it's been the peace and release that they were waiting for for months, years. So while I am a bit sad that they are forever gone from this world, I'm also relieved that they are at peace, no longer toiling in life's torment anymore.

 

[furax53]

for me the worst thing is that I had a happy life and overnight I was crumbling with the disease

 

[Ben]

I made the mistake of getting too close to some people on this site. To the point it actually hindered my ability to try and get better. Regularly seeing people die or trying to die here was absolutely heartbreaking. I will not let people get that close anymore. Now I know that sounds like I'm going to be a cunt here, but that's not the case. I will do my best to be a positive and supportive person, while not censoring myself. I don't have it in me to take anything personal here anymore. I will not shed a tear for users who pass, I will just respect their memory and any requests they had before they left. I can't go through losing people so often, I don't think it's healthy for anybody.

 

[Fucking loving it]

It's bittersweet. I had my first experience with someone I was very close with CTB. I am going to say it.... I fucking cried. Its a double edged sword. I feel peace that they made it to eternal peace. I feel devastated they are gone and I miss them. Also I do know that we will meet up again. ♡

 

[Miss clefable]

This sort of community is going to be very transient. People come and people go. Some stay longer than others. If you stay here another month, you'll see the chatroom and forums dominated by a bunch of new posters. Typically every 30 - 60 days, I notice a new infusion of users that replace the ones that are gone. The forum is growing, for every user that CTB's we're getting 1.1 more users or something.

I think that's good? I'm not sure.

It just proves life is fucking awful

 

[Goldie]

It just proves life is fucking awful

I think its great, I agree with Threads. People are actually ctbing which is fantastic news.
This isnt a 'cry for help' website - this is an *action* website. People come here to *ctb* not /talk about/ ctb. Naturally the general users are transient because they are finding peace.

Why do you think this is bad Miss C.? Do you have your method sorted? You might be next and no one will think you are bad for doing so. Will people think I am bad when I leave the forum when I ctb?

 

[Miss clefable]

I think its great, I agree with Threads. People are actually ctbing which is fantastic news.
This isnt a 'cry for help' website - this is an *action* website. People come here to *ctb* not /talk about/ ctb. Naturally the general users are transient because they are finding peace.

Why do you think this is bad Miss C.? Do you have your method sorted? You might be next and no one will think you are bad for doing so. Will people think I am bad when I leave the forum when I ctb?

I meant new users coming here more

 

[Goldie]

I made the mistake of getting too close to some people on this site. To the point it actually hindered my ability to try and get better. Regularly seeing people die or trying to die here was absolutely heartbreaking. I will not let people get that close anymore. Now I know that sounds like I'm going to be a cunt here, but that's not the case. I will do my best to be a positive and supportive person, while not censoring myself. I don't have it in me to take anything personal here anymore. I will not shed a tear for users who pass, I will just respect their memory and any requests they had before they left. I can't go through losing people so often, I don't think it's healthy for anybody.

Agreed. I got close to LMK and look where that got me! One user here even suggested I was scammer.

 

[Ben]

Agreed. I got close to LMK and look where that got me! One user here even suggested I was scammer.

I'm not sure what you're referring to..but I think it's important to keep your own best interests in mind here. It's unbelievably easy to pour yourself out to somebody here, but unfortunately there are some negatives to doing that. Keeping an emotional distance will be how I handle that. I don't think less of anybody or their pain, but I will focus of giving support instead of requesting it, because I get too close when I ask for help and somebody answers. Like, going above and beyond answers.

 

[Miss clefable]

I'm not sure what you're referring to..but I think it's important to keep your own best interests in mind here. It's unbelievably easy to pour yourself out to somebody here, but unfortunately there are some negatives to doing that. Keeping an emotional distance will be how I handle that. I don't think less of anybody or their pain, but I will focus of giving support instead of requesting it, because I get too close when I ask for help and somebody answers. Like, going above and beyond answers.

That user was scamming people with promises of N

 

[Goldie]

I'm not sure what you're referring to..but I think it's important to keep your own best interests in mind here. It's unbelievably easy to pour yourself out to somebody here, but unfortunately there are some negatives to doing that. Keeping an emotional distance will be how I handle that. I don't think less of anybody or their pain, but I will focus of giving support instead of requesting it, because I get too close when I ask for help and somebody answers. Like, going above and beyond answers.

Yes. I havent poured my guts out to anyone, but I do PM with a few people here. I think it is fine to chat so long as you know by definition the chatting will only be temporary. Personally if Im talking to someone and I see that they joined >3-6 months ago I start to wonder why they are still here.