msesis
Student
- Jun 16, 2024
- 124
I guess I'm posting a lot recently, and I apologize if it's annoying. I think I'll stop for awhile after this one just in case.
I haven't felt at peace and happy in a long time. I've had happiness but there was so much fear that I was never at peace. But when I think of CTB, I become so.. happy. Just, it's so relieving. It's the only thought that gets me up and doing things. Going to continue researching for sources tomorrow (pretty set on SN, but if it's not an option I guess I'll think of others...). Actually, if anyone has any suggestions for methods that
-can be done from my own room
-doesn't require a vehicle or things like charcoal (hard to access atm)
-gives me a little time before doing and dying (I'd like to slowly go unconscious. Fast (10-20min) is ok, like SN, but preferably not as fast as jumping)
-isn't extremely painful
I think I've done enough research on this site to know my options, but just in case.
Anyways, the point of this post mostly is this: happy. I smile when I think of CTB. I feel so light, it's like all the years of stress evaporates off of me. I've said for awhile I think I'd feel better if I could just have some rest. I never could. Circumstances didn't really allow. But now, I can. Just one more hurdle of researching and planning out the procedures. And then it can allllllll stop. I didn't even realize *how* much weight was hanging on me until I decided to CTB. When it lifted off, I realized how amazing it feels to be....... at peace. I am at peace now because I'm going to rest. And now no one can stop me. And I don't need anyone else (irl)'s help either.
I haven't felt at peace and happy in a long time. I've had happiness but there was so much fear that I was never at peace. But when I think of CTB, I become so.. happy. Just, it's so relieving. It's the only thought that gets me up and doing things. Going to continue researching for sources tomorrow (pretty set on SN, but if it's not an option I guess I'll think of others...). Actually, if anyone has any suggestions for methods that
-can be done from my own room
-doesn't require a vehicle or things like charcoal (hard to access atm)
-gives me a little time before doing and dying (I'd like to slowly go unconscious. Fast (10-20min) is ok, like SN, but preferably not as fast as jumping)
-isn't extremely painful
I think I've done enough research on this site to know my options, but just in case.
Anyways, the point of this post mostly is this: happy. I smile when I think of CTB. I feel so light, it's like all the years of stress evaporates off of me. I've said for awhile I think I'd feel better if I could just have some rest. I never could. Circumstances didn't really allow. But now, I can. Just one more hurdle of researching and planning out the procedures. And then it can allllllll stop. I didn't even realize *how* much weight was hanging on me until I decided to CTB. When it lifted off, I realized how amazing it feels to be....... at peace. I am at peace now because I'm going to rest. And now no one can stop me. And I don't need anyone else (irl)'s help either.
