Story Hanging - Dark story: I have to die in a way I hate

[letmeseethedeath]

Thank you.



Things are so fucked up, and have been for a while. Don't forget there are videos of me doing drugs, I've got aids (well, nearly, stopped taking my hiv drugs three months ago), no country's gonna give me an asylum. But thank you, that's what I would have said


Believe me it's unbearable.
I'm not complaining about having to die, I'm OK with that, I just hate the idea of hanging myself.

Thank you, I'm beyond hope.

i feel you, really. my life is hell and i need to ctb soon really. i'm in constant pain everyday, i just stay in bed crying and wishing to die. I'm afraid to hanging, I don't like it. I tried already with a belt on my neck and it seemed i wasn't dizzy at all. hanging is the only way I have to exit
i wish you all the peace you deserve. your story touched my heart in the deep safe travels

 

[Rocksandsand]

This is sad. How fucked up is it that people have to CTB due to bullying... It's bad enough if it's because of health issues or mental problems.

Who the hell cares about another's sexuality anyway? I hope the scum that did this to him get what's coming to them.

I'm sure he found peace and I hope it was quick and painless. He did great work on the H-thread, at least I got to thank him for that.

The harassment that he was experiencing was so so fucked. I was speaking to him right up until he CTB - he ended up getting ahold of heroin in the end, so he left as he wanted.

Everyone, please be vigilant. Ford was worried about potential impersonators coming here after it gets out locally that he died...

 

[Centerism]

The harassment that he was experiencing was so so fucked. I was speaking to him right up until he CTB - he ended up getting ahold of heroin in the end, so he left as he wanted.

Everyone, please be vigilant. Ford was worried about potential impersonators coming here after it gets out locally that he died...

I was taking to him too. He was going to hike to tree train tracks but he finally got the heroin and he left peacefully. Everybody try to remember him as he was, a strong, beautiful human being.

His story touched me right on the heart. He was a gay male into kinky shit and drugs. So am I. We both were outed and harassed because of it. It happened to him recently and that's why he left this plane. I understand...

Ford, I wool miss you, and always love you for being who you were. I know you went out peacefully and painlessly. And your resting happily now. Smiles and hugs brother. I'll never forget you.

 

[DeathImminent]

This place is fucking graveyard i cant stand it anymore, this is worse than being on dark web because here you get emotionaly attached to ppl that want to ctb

 

[Rocksandsand]

@DeathImminent gah I have been headfucked over it too. His last messages to me were that the gear was really good (he tested a bit first) and then he was gone...

I just can't believe that people made him feel so threatened that he genuinely perceived a risk that they may come and impersonate him here. Like bullying a fucking dead person - that you already harassed to death - has any purpose. I hate people.

 

[sanction]

This place is fucking graveyard i cant stand it anymore, this is worse than being on dark web because here you get emotionaly attached to ppl that want to ctb

Its crazy how we literally witness different people's final weeks and days, leading up to the moment they are finally not around anymore. It doesn't get anymore real than that. And then we have to keep all this completely to ourselves, because its not like we can easily share these type of experiences with people we know, as that will give away that we're on a suicide forum. We just continue to face this world with a fake mask once we log off and continue on with our daily lives like nothing ever happened. And all this while we're also planning our own CTB. What an experience eh? RIP FordPrefect

 

[who doesn't matter]

Is Ford gone??
Is there anyone who could update me on his status?

 

[Baskol1]

Hes either dead now, or hospitalized because of the drug overdose i believe. So we dont know, but hes probably dead now.

 

[who doesn't matter]

He was one gutsy fellow.

He was one gutsy fellow.

Sleep well, friend.

 

[muziy]

@DeathImminent gah I have been headfucked over it too. His last messages to me were that the gear was really good (he tested a bit first) and then he was gone...

I just can't believe that people made him feel so threatened that he genuinely perceived a risk that they may come and impersonate him here. Like bullying a fucking dead person - that you already harassed to death - has any purpose. I hate people.

Well I think what Ford perceived was not from nowhere. The last activity of his account is 4am, which can be seriously from someone else. Hope it was his mom checking his stuff. That way the full story would be told.
Anyway this is just a sad sad story. I have to say I got more depressed reading through this thread, not necessarily because of his decision, but what he experienced. That is the most agony part... Well thanks for sharing your story Ford. We are on the same boat but life has been more cruel for you. Hope you have found peace and love. You will be remembered.

 

[Centerism]

Its crazy how we literally witness different people's final weeks and days, leading up to the moment they are finally not around anymore. It doesn't get anymore real than that. And then we have to keep all this completely to ourselves, because its not like we can easily share these type of experiences with people we know, as that will give away that we're on a suicide forum. We just continue to face this world with a fake mask once we log off and continue on with our daily lives like nothing ever happened. And all this while we're also planning our own CTB. What an experience eh? RIP FordPrefect

I've met some incredible people here, Ford being one of them. Its sad to see the that the saddest people in the world can also be some of the kindest, most understanding people. We're tortured, sure, but we all have good hearts.

It's amazing that we're able to live in this society with that "mask" we somehow constantly put on. I mean I know I look depressed, even with my mask on. And I sometimes break out crying in public (I recently money a girl who was crying in public and she was stored by strangers and they called the cops on her. She's now sitting in a psych hospital). But we somehow survive day to day with the idea that soon it will all be over.

I have been suicidal for 21 years... I don't know how I've done it. I've tried to ctb multiple times, and failed each time. I had a partner and we planned for years to ctb together, but he died before our set date. That crippled me. He's resting calmly now.

I'm trying to find a new partner now and I'm holding out because of that. Hopefully I find something soon. It I plan to ctb shortly after Christmas.

I don't know why, but humanity had shown me so many dark sides (pedophiles, serial killers, true psychopaths/sociopaths, etc.) That I cannot for the life of me find a reason to trust any people outside of this site. That hurts...

come on humanity, try to give us a reason...

 

[Jean Améry]

Its sad to see the that the saddest people in the world can also be some of the kindest, most understanding people.

It may be sad but it's quite understandable: it stands to reason that those who suffer the most would also be the most compassionate.

I don't know why, but humanity had shown me so many dark sides (pedophiles, serial killers, true psychopaths/sociopaths, etc.) That I cannot for the life of me find a reason to trust any people outside of this site.

The great majority of humans are selfish by nature which explains why there is so little genuine empathy and decency in this world. The examples you mentioned are pretty rare (violent psychopaths) but the fact that they exist is telling: there are no other animals but humans that seem to revel in torturing their own kind and deriving pleasure from their deaths.

I understand why you feel you can trust those who frequent this forum but do keep in mind it's supremely important to maintain anonymity and withhold any personal information that can be used to indentify you. I'd also be very careful in selecting a partner: they could be one of the monsters you mentioned or a goodie-two-shoes who'll rat you out to the authorities.

come on humanity, try to give us a reason...

I agree humans are a fairly sorry lot on the whole (there are some genuinly good individuals though, the exception to the rule as it were) but imo one's decision to CTB should not based on any action or lack thereof by others (barring extreme cases like our friend Ford). It's the circumstances in one's life that matter: are they at least bearable and is there a way to ameliorate them? If not it's entirely reasonable to CTB, at least in my opinion.

I would not CTB over any individual (otherwise I would have done it over a decade ago when I lost the love of my life) nor do I expect anyone to 'save' me. Either I manage to save myself (doubtful) or I'll deliver myself from a life that has lost all purpose, joy and meaning.

 

[PBis]

he left peacefully.

Such a relief... This thread tore me up. Fuck them and their brainwashed children...

 

[arelia]

Shit, I was hoping that someone would find a way to convince him to make the bus one that went to Europe. :(

My sympathy and love to all those who were touched by his light and feel the loss. I hope the end was quick and he's now at peace.

 

[Sever]

Sorry for the cringe but he left with the bang
Btw always thought this song is not about breakup but about suicide

Btw looking through the news to find a mention about his ctb

 

[woxihuanni]

I miss him so. He gave me so much comfort when he had none himself.

 

[Ross]

@DeathImminent gah I have been headfucked over it too. His last messages to me were that the gear was really good (he tested a bit first) and then he was gone...

I just can't believe that people made him feel so threatened that he genuinely perceived a risk that they may come and impersonate him here. Like bullying a fucking dead person - that you already harassed to death - has any purpose. I hate people.

Did he leave a note or does he want his family to think it was just an OD ?

 

[marconk]

Did he leave a note or does he want his family to think it was just an OD ?

Somewhere in this thread he said that he wrote a letter for his mother

 

[Centerism]

Somewhere in this thread he said that he wrote a letter for his mother

Yes. He left a note.