Venting Halloween is depressing

[RottingCorpse]

I've had this account for over year and this is the first time I'm actually posting on it. I just want to die honestly, I had no one to go out on Halloween with even tho it's my favourite holiday, my brother went out with his own friends and I stayed home cutting and drinking. My mom asked why I'm not going out with anyone and I just ignored the question and said I needed to study. Honestly I really did want to go out today I just have no fucking friends to go out with. Hell I don't even have online friends to talk to or anything. I've been completely isolated for years now, never going out with ppl, not talking to ppl. Nothing. I've never even had any real close friends before or any genuine relationship. I hate being alone it's so fucking depressing but I just can't find anyone I actually even want to talk to. I didnt leave my house at all for a whole year coz I just didn't have any reason to. I go to school now but everyone there already has their own groups to be in and their own ppl and I don't even want to talk to them. I go to school and go home, that's it. Around my family I pretend to have friends and shit but I'm pretty sure they can tell I don't actually have any friends at all. Anyway today just fucking sucks and all I did was cry miserably. Fuck this fuck everything I fucking hate this stupid fucking holiday and I hate myself most of all. I mean srs I'm fucking 19 and its like my life never moved on from middle school. Why am I so fucking miserable there's no point to any of this

 

[katarinabluu]

im sorry for how u feel. i stayed home too and did nothing. i would find that depressing usually but its been years since i stopped caring. honestly i think u should try talking and becoming friends with ppl @ school. ik it might be hard but hey we are all going to cease to exist anyway, might as well make some friends to make life more bearable. and if u want i can be ur friend

 

[RottingCorpse]

im sorry for how u feel. i stayed home too and did nothing. i would find that depressing usually but its been years since i stopped caring. honestly i think u should try talking and becoming friends with ppl @ school. ik it might be hard but hey we are all going to cease to exist anyway, might as well make some friends to make life more bearable. and if u want i can be ur friend

I mean it's not like I haven't tried talking to ppl b4. They always just end up as superficial relationships tho, less friends and more random acquaintances that I stop talking to after like a month. But I'm sorry u weren't able to go out this Halloween either that sucks

 

[katara]

im sorry for how u feel. i stayed home too and did nothing. i would find that depressing usually but its been years since i stopped caring. honestly i think u should try talking and becoming friends with ppl @ school. ik it might be hard but hey we are all going to cease to exist anyway, might as well make some friends to make life more bearable. and if u want i can be ur friend

Ya as sad as it sounds after having nothing to do every holiday u start getting used to it and not caring

 

[Blue&Grey]

I wanted to do something small and meaningful, so I planned to buy pumpkins for me and my long-distance boyfriend. But he kept shutting it down first saying he didn't want his mom to see because of his religion, then not wanting to do it at all, even after I tried to compromise and suggested we draw together online. At the same time, my so-called close friends all went to parties without inviting me. I ended up feeling completely ignored from every direction like I was the only one trying, and no one showed up for me. I also havent had a good any holiday in a long long time. So I totaly understand - I plan to make next year different like to pay for my own stuff and not wait for others, give myself my own hapiness even tho its really hard. You are not alone.